chocolate mussolini

Dear Best Buy, I blame you. Not because you’re a crappy store, which you are, don’t get me wrong. Whenever I feel the need to be overcharged for second-rate electronics while receiving poor service from an unenthused teenage boy in a wrinkly blue polo shirt, your establishment is the first that comes to mind. No, I blame you because you ...

Dear Starbucks, People make fun of you. They say you’re substandard, the McDonald’s of coffee. Or the Wal-Mart, more accurately. I don’t care. I like you anyway. See, when I go to Starbucks, whether I’m at home or on the road, I know exactly what I’m getting. The coffee always tastes the same. The baristas are uniformly snotty. I get ...

Dear Diary, This morning, once the caffeine had kicked in to the point where I was losing peripheral vision and my legs wouldn’t stop moving, I sat back at my desk and observed my surroundings. I slouched down in my chair, put my feet up, and just looked around for 20 minutes or so. Specifically, I was wondering what my ...