chocolate mussolini

Dear Pulitzer Committee: I would like to submit a piece from an author who may likely be the most important new poet of the 21st century. While her milieu may be limited, she is able to muse upon any dairy product with eloquence and style. Please consider the following for your esteemed award. feta by stephanie ripleyoh joy! sweet, sweet ...

Dear Public Health Department: This last Friday, we were touring our fair state in search of amusement. Having awoken far too early in the morning due to an unpleasant incident involving a cat and a bug, we had consumed copious amounts of coffee, and were forced to stop far more often than usual to visit the facilities. Now, as a ...

Dear Qwest, One day, I’m going to find myself in a horror movie. You know, the one in which the crazed murderer is lurking outside my house, cutting the phone lines so I can’t call for help before he brutally slays me in the shower. Luckily, I’m prepared. Because I hate you with such passionate intensity, I cancelled my phone ...

Dear Mr. Marx: What is the income limit for the proletariat? Just kidding. I’m sure that’s one of those “if you have to ask” questions. Forget class consciousness and controlling the means of production. It’s simpler than that. Does the proletarian spend more on internet connectivity than she does on clothing? Does she drive with the air conditioning on and ...