Dear Starbucks,

People make fun of you. They say you’re substandard, the McDonald’s of coffee. Or the Wal-Mart, more accurately. I don’t care. I like you anyway.

See, when I go to Starbucks, whether I’m at home or on the road, I know exactly what I’m getting. The coffee always tastes the same. The baristas are uniformly snotty. I get the same disapproving eye-roll every time I order (grande, skim, sugar-free latte, which I’ve been told is referred to as the ‘Don’t Bother’ by your ever-witty staff). It’s comforting in a way. Consistency is good.

Don’t listen to the critics, Starbucks. Keep up the mediocre work.


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