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Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought your letters were real until something happened to me that I just had to share. I was at the grocery store last night, nursing a deep craving for velveeta and tabouleh. I was standing impatiently in line at the register, paging through “O”. Suddenly, I felt eyes on my body. I looked up and ...

Dear Internet, Remember back in the day, when ASCII ruled and a 1200-baud modem made you the ultimate bad-ass? When call-waiting could stop a 15-minute porn download dead in its tracks? Remember l33t? Give me my X10 pop-unders any day. Best wishes, Jenni

Dear Mall of America, Thank you for being the place for fun in my life, as your very creative radio ads inform me a minimum of 8 times an hour. Thank you for training your security guards in the ancient arts of Verbal Judo and Defensive Pepper Spray. Armed with these skills, they are an unrivaled tactical force. Thank you ...