Go Tits!

To my coworkers: I don’t usually encounter many of you on the way into the office in the morning, but today I came in at just the right time, as a couple big meetings adjourned. As I passed and greeted several of you in the hallway and kitchen, I quickly became aware of an unplanned competition: in the eye contact ...

Third Shift

To My Employer: I have decided that from now on I will only be coming into the office late at night. Not only do I get a hell of a lot more work done, I actually enjoy my time spent here. Granted, when I came in at 9pm on this fine Saturday evening, my office was 85 degrees. I’m a ...

The Shakes

Dear Internet: You are here to bear witness to the depraved depths of addiction. Physically, I don’t have that many bad habits. Emotionally, I could provide you enough material to complete your neglected PhD thesis, but let’s not talk about that. I eat well most of the time, I know a ton about nutrition, I exercise a lot, and I ...

Down Home Eatin’

Dear Friends: What’s the most obvious indicator that we made it back safely from the beautifully epic Deep South Road Trip? The fact that I just spent $110 on fresh fruit and soy products. I don’t ever want to see deep-fried food again. But, damn, those fried pickles were good. Jenni P.S. We’re working on a collaborative travelogue about the ...