I grew up in Chicago, so I’ve always been really nostalgic about Christmastime there. When Matt and I found a deal through American Express that refunded one night of any three-night stay there, it was hard to say no. Especially when one of the cheapest hotels ended up being the very fancy Renaissance Blackstone on the Magnificent Mile, and plane tickets were cheap.

We decided to fly Sun Country rather than Delta, because even though tickets were the same price, Sun Country goes to Midway. That’s way more convenient when you’re taking the train. We flew out of Minneapolis around 5, and landed in Chicago by 6:30. Since we just had carry-ons, it was a quick trip from the plane to the Metra.

We rode into downtown and got off at the first stop down in the south Loop, an area I wasn’t very familiar with. In the past it had not been the greatest neighborhood, but it’s definitely becoming gentrified now, with a lot of the warehouse-style condos that tend to spring up in those areas. We walked the six blocks or so to the hotel (walking along Michigan Avenue in the cold isn’t smart, by the way… go inland from the lake!) and checked in. As expected, our room was really fancy… the Westin is usually my standard for nice hotels, and this was a step up.

It was after 8pm, but since we’d had sandwiches on the plane we weren’t dying for dinner yet. We decided to get cocktails at the hotel bar, which is downstairs from the resident tapas place, Mercat a la Planxa (we were excited that it’s run by an Iron Chef, too). The place was tiny and well-appointed, the ideal kind of hotel bar. They had a great cocktail menu, too.

We had decided on getting our deep dish needs out of the way early at the nearby Lou Malnati’s, partly because we didn’t want to take the train anywhere since we were planning to buy passes the next day, and it was getting late. The bartender confirmed the directions for us, and we headed out in the cold. On the way there, we took note of two bars we might want to visit later; one was a big, packed sports bar, and one appeared to be a liquor store that you could also drink in. (That one was the instant favorite, of course.)

I’ve only been to Giordano’s before, so this was an exciting change! Also exciting: they had personal-size pizzas (you always end up with tons of leftovers at Giordano’s), and Goose Island Matilda. Perfect.

After dinner, we stuck with the ‘things to always do in Chicago’ theme and headed up to Miller’s Pub. The sign out front advertised that they had Tom and Jerry’s, which was fantastic. The bar was crowded, but we managed to find a standing spot at the far end and ordered our Tom and Jerrys. They were pretty sweet, but the large quantity of brandy (and the warmth, since it was really cold outside) made up for it.

We stuck around for another round, at which point I switched to a gin martini to avoid the sweetness issue. I was trying to eavesdrop on the people next to us, which appeared to be a couple of coworkers. The guy was older and the woman was pretty young, and he was drunkenly trying to hit on her in a very subtle (but not really) way. It was very entertaining.

Round about midnight, we decided to head back toward the south Loop and stop in at one of the bars we’d seen earlier. We decided on George’s, the liquor store that apparently had a bar inside. That’s exactly what it ended up being, too… a total dive with a bar and a few small tables (and awesome jukebox), with a wall of liquor you could buy for exorbitant rates along the back wall. It was the BEST. The bartender was old and crusty, there were loud Wisconsinites manning the jukebox, and drinks were incredibly cheap.

Though the bar was open til 4am (!!), we were at least a little bit smart, and decided to leave at 2. Thankfully it was only a block from there to the hotel.

—–

The next morning, we got up and went downstairs to Starbucks for coffee before walking to the el. We purchased three-day passes, then hopped on and rode up to the north side of the Loop. Our destination was Daley Plaza, for the Christkindlmarket. Apparently it’s been going on forever, but I had no idea! I was incredibly excited to see it.

The pigeons there were smarter than the average bird, too:

The place was insanely crowded, of course. It was convenient that there seemed to be multiples of most of the food and drink booths, so that you didn’t have to push your way across the entire place to get something to eat. We saw people carrying little souvenir mugs all over the place, so I wanted to check that out first. It ended up being gluhwein, so Matt got one of those and I got a beer instead.

We did some wandering around the shops, and noted one of the gigantic shops full of traditional glass ornaments that I wanted to visit once we weren’t carrying drinks. We decided to stop at get breakfast first, too. I got potato pancakes, and Matt got currywurst. Some people joined us at our table, and it seemed like the whole city was excited to be there, even though we were freezing our asses off.

After the food, we went to the ornament shop. There was a line to get in, so I shivered there for 10 or 15 minutes before we actually got inside. From there everyone had to grab a basket and circle slowly around the store, following a pre-established path. You had one shot to get the ornaments you wanted, or you’d have to wait in line again. It was probably the most German thing ever.

I picked out a few things, and appreciated the fact that they wrapped and boxed them up really well. From there, we went to get another beer and go hang out in one of the heated tents to warm up. The tents were also packed, of course, but we didn’t care. We found a spot near the heater and I regained feeling in my feet.

Before heading out, we stopped to get a couple pretzels, and ate them outside in a sheltered spot. I would probably have stayed there all day if it wasn’t so cold out. (It was still 20 degrees warmer than home, though!)

We walked over to State Street to go see Macy’s, the former Marshall Field’s. I have vague memories of that store and Carson Pirie Scott being all decorated at Christmas, and I wasn’t wrong about that. We did some shopping, then took the escalator up to see the giant tree in the restaurant.

Then we decided to head over to XOCO for a late lunch. On the way, though, I had to stop into Walgreens to pick up some things, like super-strong hand lotion (stupid cold), hairspray, and Christmas cards for my nieces in Florida, since we wanted to send them some cash instead of gifts.

Our timing regarding late lunch was planned as follows: wait in line for a torta. Eat a torta. By the time we’re done with tortas, Three Dots and a Dash will just be opening. Since the place is very new and very popular and it was cold outside, we wanted to make sure we got in right away. Plus, you know, afternoon tiki drinks.

We decided to walk, since it was only six blocks or so. We crossed the river, stopped into Citibank to break a hundred (so my nieces could have their Christmas gifts), and then headed over to Xoco. To our surprise, there wasn’t even a very long line! I got a beer and Matt ordered one of their bottled margaritas, and we went to wait at our assigned counter spot. The food took a while, but that was fine because it was a good opportunity to warm up.

My woodland mushroom torta was fantastic, too. There need to be more vegetarian tortas in the world.

Since our lunch went faster than expected, it was only 4pm and Three Dots wasn’t open. So we did what all good Midwesterners do in the winter: we went to another bar to wait for it to open. The Boss Bar came recommended by Foursquare as a classic dive, and it was only a block away, so we headed that direction. Holy crap, the place was insane at 4pm. It wasn’t just people at post-work happy hour, either… it seemed that many of them had probably been there all day. Also, one of the walls was being held up by 2x4s, and the kitchen was just a little kiosk with a deep-fryer near the entrance. AWESOME.

We killed time with a drink there, and then promptly at 4:30pm headed over to Three Dots. It’s in the alley behind Xoco, complete with bouncers in black, velvet ropes, and heaters (thank god). But seriously, it was 4:30pm, not 11. Anyway.

We went up to the doorman, and he told us that they were closed for a private party. (Sad!) But the private party only went til 5:30. (Hooray!) Rather than wait outside, we walked to yet another bar. I had seen a place called Havana as we walked past before, so we decided to go there. I didn’t exactly know where it was, though, so we circled the entire block before we ended up there, directly next to the Boss Bar we’d just come from. At least we got some exercise.

The nice thing about places named after Cuba, or any really Caribbean island, is that you have a good idea what to expect there, and you’re rarely disappointed. Havana was a small, pretty restaurant with a very nice bar and better rum selection. We had mojitos, and the bartender made them perfectly, not too sweet.

Shortly after 5:30, we walked back over to Three Dots. The private party was taking their sweet time exiting the place, so they said it would be after 6 by the time they actually opened. We didn’t want to ruin our streak of waiting in bars, so we went to Mother Hubbard’s Sports Bar (it was not that awesome) to warm up and use the bathroom. Matt was excited that they still tacked newspapers up over the urinals to read. I didn’t even know that happened!

We made our way back again around 6, and this time found an actual line in the alley. It was only ten people or so, but still. A line! At 6pm! I’ve never seen that before. We stood there for a while, shivering and wondering if we’d ever get in, because the line wasn’t moving and there were still work-party people milling around and going in and out of the bar. FINALLY, the bouncer came over and started letting people in. We were taken downstairs to a table, and immediately knew it was absolutely worth the wait.

The place is decorated in usual tiki/nautical style, and the drinks are half classic and half inspirations on everyone’s favorite giant picture menu. (If I own a tiki bar someday, we’re going to have the largest illustrated menu on earth). The thing I loved most was that the drinks are less sweet than the originals, and they pay a lot of attention to presentation.

We had three cocktails apiece, plus a couple very delicious appetizers, and then it was time to go lest we just decide to live there forever (I would). Plus the place was getting crowded to the point where people were bumping into our table and yelling over each other. We requested a souvenir glass, paid our check, and headed back out into the cold.

We decided to walk again and see what was on the way, since we didn’t have any great ideas for dinner yet, and we’d just had appetizers. Conveniently, we ended up passing right by the Palmer House, so we decided to go visit another classic. We grabbed seats from someone who was vacating them at the lobby bar and ordered one of their house Manhattans. Then I took out the Christmas cards for my nieces and filled them out on the bar, so we could mail them right away. It’s my goal for us to be known as the super-classy aunt and uncle.

When we were done there, we decided to just go back to the hotel and check out Mercat a la Planxa. We’d looked at their menu in the room enough to know that they did actually have vegetarian stuff, and it seemed like an easy choice. We started walking back that way, and within a couple blocks of the hotel, it started sleeting. Just like at home in Minnesota! We rushed back, dropped our stuff in the room, and went down to the restaurant. It was 10:30 and they closed at 11, but they told us it was no problem. Thank god, because we were dying of hunger at that point.

Not only did they have vegetarian stuff, they said they could do a tasting menu for both of us! And holy crap, it was fantastic.

The only downside was that the food just KEPT COMING. We were getting full, to the point where we were hoping it was over, and then more would arrive. I should’ve taken it home in my carry-on or something.

Back in our room, we had truffles from the front desk, because we’d mentioned being fancy on Twitter. Cute!

At that point it was after midnight and we were hella full of delicious tapas, so it was time for bed.

—–

I woke up sometime early the next morning and noted blearily through my contact-less eyes that it was snowing. And not just a little bit, but a full-on blizzard. Lake Michigan seemed angry. After a couple more hours of sleep it was starting to die down, but not enough to make wandering around outside all day that feasible. I was glad we’d gone to the Christkindlmarket the previous day.

Conveniently, we’d talked about visiting the Art Institute, since neither of us had been there in a very long time. And conveniently, it was only a few blocks away!

Our time was limited there, but we managed to cover a lot of ground. We saw most of my favorite things, which include the impressionists and anything modern.

The views from the building, which has expanded a lot since my last visit, confirmed that we didn’t really want to be outside that much:

We visited the Chagall windows, which for unknown reasons was my absolute favorite thing as a kid, and then went downstairs to have lunch in their really excellent cafe. I had a delicious falafel burger.

We stopped to take a quick spin through the miniature rooms (also a longstanding favorite), and then it was time to head out, because for once we had actual plans! We hopped on the train to Logan Square, home of Matt’s longtime internet pal, Kyle from Midmajority. More importantly, Kyle is the inventory of our constant travel companion, Bally.

We took the longest possible route around Logan Square (whose intersections had all become treacherous pools of indeterminate-depth slush) and found Billy Sunday, the new cocktail bar on the block. Their menu was fantastically interesting, and rather than trying to explain it, here’s the link. Kyle showed up a few minutes after we arrived.

We hung out there for a couple drinks, and then headed out to get some dinner. Kyle led us to Parson’s Chicken and Fish, which, despite the name, also had vegetarian stuff on the menu, not to mention things like a Negroni slushy. I had the vegetable club, made with pickled beets. They had good beer, too, and Bang Bang Pie. (No, I didn’t know what that was beforehand.)

From there, we walked over to Scofflaw, another awesome cocktail place. It was standing-room crowded, but we were conveniently standing next to some girls who were leaving and gave us their armchairs around a little table. There was a fireplace in the room, too, so it was quite comfortable.

After a cocktail there, we grabbed a cab to Wrigleyville. We ended up talking about how Indiana was a huge wasteland, and our driver piped right up with stories about how much he hated Indiana because people were racist and did horrible things to his middle-eastern friends. Holy crap, Indiana, what’s your deal??

We were a little early for the show, so we went to Gingerman Tavern next door for a drink. It was much like Triple Rock or Grumpy’s, so we were right at home. We had beers there, and then went next door to Metro for the Breeders show.

I was expecting Metro to be a lot bigger, since they get the shows that First Ave generally does, but it was definitely smaller. Which was nice, because even though we ended up at the back, we had a good view.

Confusingly, both Matt and Kyle encountered really aggro dudes there. That’s definitely not something that ever happens at First Ave. Minnesotans like to keep their rage inside.

After the show, we were standing in the coat check line talking about the cab driver who hated Indiana, and ended up talking to a girl from Fort Wayne who could not understand the concept of flying from Minneapolis to Chicago. (It’s a long drive, and a generally very cheap flight!)

We hopped in another cab and rode back up to Logan Square to the Empty Bottle for the Windy City Soul Club 5th anniversary event. The place was packed with people actually dancing! And they had a really good bourbon drink on special! It was amazing. We hung out with Kyle’s friends there for a while, Kyle introduced us to the wonders of Malört (it’s godawful, as you’d expect of herbal Swedish liquor), and then we headed off to yet another bar in the neighborhood, the Blind Robin.

I took their photo with Bally, and it turned out GREAT in the darkness. Haha.

Finally, it was time to head back to the hotel. We got another cab since we were about a mile from the train, and apparently cabs in Chicago are way cheaper than Minneapolis!

—-

Sunday morning, we hung out in the room until close to check-out time, and then left our bags with the front desk. We picked up coffee at Dunkin Donuts, then rode the train up to Wicker Park. Rodan was a couple blocks from the stop, and we were apparently the only ones there for brunch at almost 1pm. Strange.

They had bottomless mimosas for brunch, which sounded like a great idea for people who had a few hours to kill before their flight. (It was colder outside than the previous days, too.) The food was great, too. We finished and then sat there for a long time while they refilled our drinks; it seemed easier to get mimosa refills than it was the check, but that was fine with us.

Finally we headed out, and rode the train back to River North. Our destination was Eataly, the Italian market/deli that had recently opened in Chicago and had lines around the block at the opening. Walking in, I immediately realized why. It was HUGE, and wasn’t just a deli. They had several different spots in the building that were mini-restaurants, with things like pizza, fresh bread, a wine bar, charcuterie, pasta, truffles, a brewery, and even a mozzarella bar. HOLY CRAP. I was sad we had just eaten!

We wandered around and looked at the merchandise for a while, then went to the brewery. They brewed their own beer there, as well as doing contract brewing for Dogfish Head. I got an ancient ale (a style I’d never tried before), and we went to wander some more. I wanted to get to the mozzarella bar even though I was full, but it was full every time we walked past.

Matt picked out some packaged meat to bring home, and we picked out black rice for risotto. We would’ve bought some black truffle, but they weren’t getting them in until the next week. We picked up some fancy chocolates to take home, and a few other things from downstairs before going to check out.

We still had some time to kill before needing to be back at the hotel, so we did what anyone else would do: went back to Miller’s Pub for a victory lap. The place was crowded again, this time with Chicago Bears fans who had apparently come from somewhere else (the Bears were out of town). They were in post-tailgating condition, and hilarious to listen to with their super-strong Chicago accents. It reminded me of when my dad used to put on his cop voice years ago, and he sounded like Dan Aykroyd in the Blues Brothers. We had one last shot of Malört in Kyle’s honor, and then headed back to the hotel to pick up our bags.

We rolled them to the train station just as it was getting dark outside. We rode to Midway and discovered our flight was delayed (it was late leaving Montego Bay: SHOCKER), so we got a table at Harry Caray’s to get dinner and beers. Once we were done, our flight was further delayed, so we hung out at the pub waiting for it to arrive. It finally arrived, and we got home without further incident.

Thursday morning, we got up and headed to the pool deck for breakfast. They had a counter set up with the typical hotel fare: toast and bagels, bananas, some pastries, and yogurt. Eating outside on the patio made it a lot more exciting, though. We picked up the in-laws from their hotel room (they’d eaten earlier, of course) and crossed the street to visit the Hemingway house.

We opted to walk around ourselves rather than go on the tour. It was a really hot day, so being in a crowd in those only fan-cooled rooms seemed like a little much. The cats didn’t mind at all… I liked this guy hanging out on Papa’s bed:

We toured the entire house, then the grounds, including the cat cemetery. I tried not to look too closely.

There’s a good view of the lighthouse from the upstairs balcony. Key West legend has it that Hemingway liked living across the street from the lighthouse, because he never had trouble finding his way home from the bar at night.

His office is in a building out behind the main house, and it’s my favorite. It’s covered in souvenirs from his travels all over the world.

Bally got to meet one of his cats, too, who wasn’t terribly interested in having a basketball hanging out with him.

We stopped in the shop, picked up some souvenirs, and dropped them back at the hotel. Then we walked a couple of blocks down Duval to the Conch Train stop, and purchased tickets. It’s not generally the kind of thing Matt and I would do (especially after having been there a couple times), but my parents enjoyed it quite a bit, and at that point Matt’s parents welcomed the opportunity to be off their feet for a while.

The tour ended up being really interesting, and we visited places on side streets that we hadn’t seen before. We also learned a LOT about Key West history. It took us down to Mallory Square, where we had an obligatory stop at the shops and restrooms there. We decided to get lunch, so we walked over to Island Dogs nearby. (Note: do not make the mistake of going to Island Dogs. The food and service were both godawful.)

After lunch, we boarded another Conch Train for the rest of the tour, which takes about 2 hour or so total.

I thought the second half was more interesting, since it went into some of the newer parts of town, and farther from Duval and the wharf area. We saw a lot of really interesting houses, and noted that Key West LOVES Halloween – everything was decorated like crazy. At this point, Matt’s dad was already dozing off on the train, so I’m not sure he saw much of the tour. When we arrived back at our starting point, we hopped off and went into the hot sauce store nearby for a tasting. (We ended up bringing three bottles home with us.)

After that, we walked back to the hotel to relax for a while. We made drinks in the room, and then went to play cornhole while Judy watched and Harlan napped. The little backyard of the hotel is seriously great, and the lighthouse and huge tree provide a lot of shade.

Judy decided to go take a nap before dinner as well, so we made plans to come back and pick them up at 5:30 to go for sunset and dinner. Matt and I walked down
Duval in the other direction, stopping into a few stores to buy sandals and souvenirs. Then we headed to Rum Bar in the Speakeasy Inn, one of the best places we’d stopped at on our previous visit. This time, Bahama Bob himself was tending bar! We welcomed his advice on our rum flight, which was served up in a barge.

(We had Botron, Angostura, Diplomatico, and the two on the right are Hemingway-tribute rums called Papa’s Pilar, so obviously we were thrilled about that.)

Once our rum was finished, Matt became intrigued by the repurposed Carlo Rossi jug behind the bar labelled “Bob’s Bark Juice”. Bob explained that it was infused with a bunch of bark and herbs, so it’s basically just like Mama Juana from the Dominican Republic. (It’s also made with 150-proof rum.) Matt ordered one, and I declined, though I did try it. There’s some flavor in there that I can’t get past, and I wish I knew what it was. Also, that meant that Matt was in GREAT shape by late afternoon.

We walked back to the hotel to retrieve the in-laws, and of course mix a drink for the long walk to Mallory Square. On the way, we met this ibis hanging out overhead, probably trying to poop on us.

We stopped into Captain Tony’s for a beer, because we really wanted them to see that place, too – it was the original location of Sloppy Joe’s, back when Hemingway hung out there, and Captain Tony was his friend. They enjoyed all the bras suspended from the ceiling, I’m sure. There was a guy with a guitar singing for tips at the door, so Judy hopped up and sang a song with him, and then we were on our way to Mallory Square for sunset.

We stopped at the outdoor bar at El Meson de Pepe (because you wouldn’t want to be without a cocktail at sunset), and Harlan went inside to use the restroom. We waited forever for him, and it was becoming clear that he was lost. We walked around for a while, and finally saw him standing in the square, scanning the crowd. We retrieved him in time to take some awesome photos before sunset.

We hung out near Key West Mustafa again, where Bally met the stuffed tiger hanging out on his gear.

Our final sunset in Key West was as good as the rest of them:

After sunset, Key West Mustafa requested some help singing the Banana Boat song, so Judy hopped right up to the microphone and joined a group of women singing backup. Yes, my mother-in-law was busking in Mallory Square, and it was awesome.

We decided to walk back down to the wharf because we’d noticed a bunch of restaurants over there the previous night. I knew they’d all be seafood places, but figured one of them had to have something I could eat; I’ve learned that I can’t really be a picky vegetarian on vacation, especially in places that are really seafood-focused. We walked around checking all the menus, and things weren’t looking promising. We finally decided to go into Conch Republic Seafood without looking at the menu. I figured I would cobble something together, or maybe just have mojitos while they ate.

I ended up with a salad and artichoke/callaloo dip, which was actually pretty tasty. Matt had snapper Wellington stuffed with blue crab. The drinks were pretty good, and we were on a giant patio overlooking the ocean, so it was hard to be too annoyed with subpar vegetarian options at that point. The in-laws seemed to like the place quite a bit, too.

After dinner, we walked back down to Duval Street, which was far more crowded than it had been the two previous nights. Judy had declared her intentions to go hear the song Margaritaville at the original Margaritaville, so we went over there and got a table. A guy was just setting up on stage with his guitar, so we were set. We got drinks, and my mother-in-law got herself one of the shark-fin hats that they were passing around. She was having a pretty good day.

Guitar guy was horrendously boring, but finally he got around to playing her song (after she prompted him some, of course). They danced, and then decided it was time for them to head back to the hotel. We breathed a sigh of relief over being free of guitar guy, and said goodnight. Matt and I walked over to Levity Lounge, and found it in an alley off a side street, attached to the giant Cowboy Bill’s complex (a really dumb cowboy-themed bar that we avoided like the plague). They had a really good beer selection and big TVs showing the Giants/Bears game, so we grabbed seats at a rail in the alley and hung out watching football.

After a couple beers, we got some Appleton in to-go cups from the bar, and headed back to the hotel to sit on the patio for a bit before heading to bed.

We got up, grabbed coffee at Starbucks, took the bags to the car, and checked out of TI. Bill and Katie had already left for the airport (painfully early in the morning), so we were down to one car again.

Wendy had texted earlier to say they wanted to go to Pink’s Hot Dogs down at Planet Hollywood, and that Doran was interested too. We had no interest in walking that far in the heat again, so we told them we’d meet up with them after brunch. Matt, Joe, Missy and I headed toward Emeril’s Stadium, our favorite sports book restaurant in the Palazzo.

The place was conveniently located directly across the street from TI; we could see the entrance when we walked out the door. But because it’s Vegas, you can’t just cross the strip there: you have to take the overpasses. We took an elevator to the overpass to Fashion Show Mall, another overpass to the Wynn, and an elevator again because the escalator was broken. Finally we crossed the overpass to the Palazzo and went inside. We were outside just long enough to get exhausted from the heat.

Emeril’s was just opening, so we had our pick of seats. We chose the couches set up as massive stadium seating facing the massive TVs and the actual sportsbook. We ordered brunch, a pitcher of drinks, and hung out in incredibly comfortable fashion.

A short time later, I got a text from Doran asking where everyone was. Apparently though he’d expressed interest in Pink’s, they hadn’t actually made plans. I wasn’t sure where Wendy was, either, but I told him to get in touch with her. They finally met up at some point, and started the long journey to Planet Hollywood.

We wrapped up our brunch at leisurely pace and headed over to the Mirage. The plan was to meet up with Wendy and Amelia there later, since we both had Groupons for 2-for-1 drinks at Rhumbar, which we’d enjoyed with Wendy on the previous visit.

We stopped at the sports book at the Mirage, because Emeril’s didn’t have the bet Joe wanted. He bet, Matt redeemed his free drink ticket, and then he and I went to place a few more bets. There was a horse race coming up, so he bet on that and got another free drink ticket. Apparently that’s the trick… bet on something that you’re probably going to be sitting there watching.

Wendy texted to say they were just leaving, and that they would meet us at Rhumbar. We went in and got a table in the back corner of the patio, one of the few spots in the shade. A server came by and we gave her our Groupon. Missy and Joe just wanted water. She told them apologetically that there was a 2-drink minimum on the patio, so Missy asked if a ginger ale was OK because of her heart condition. She seemed OK with that explanation (and Joe’s lack of order), though, so apparently we were fine. The patio was nearly empty anyway.

It was still ridiculously hot, but the shade and their intermittent mist-fan helped a little. We were still way happier with that than the crappy weather in Minneapolis, plus we were leaving soon. Joe seemed to not mind too much, and went ahead and took a nap at the bar.

We had another round, and Wendy was still nowhere to be found. We hung out longer, and finally our drinks were happy and we had no good excuse to stay any longer. We got our check and went back to the sports book to wait.

There was still half an hour left til we had to head out, so I went to go play craps with $40, and Joe came along to watch. I feel like I did a good job of convincing him he should play sometime, since I turned it into $100 pretty quickly. We went back to the sports book just as the rest of the group arrived, looking completely exhausted. They said they’d tried to do the same thing we did in Caesar’s, and gotten lost for AN HOUR.

We all went to the tram and rode over to TI. Matt, Joe, Missy and I went to get the car, and the rest went to pick up their bags at the desk and get a cab to the airport. We dropped the car off at the rental center, then got on the bus to the airport. We got through security fairly quickly, so Matt and I sent Missy and Joe off to the gate, and headed to the inter-terminal tram.

The Centurion Lounge, American Express’ first airport lounge, had opened recently at McCarran, and they’d sent all their platinum cardholders a year-long free entry pass. Unfortunately it was only good for the cardholder and a spouse, so we couldn’t bring everyone. I already wrote a review the place here, but the short version is this: IT’S AWESOME.

Our flight home was fairly uneventful, and the parking shuttle was waiting for us at the terminal. We were home 15 minutes later, thus cementing my opinion that the Park and Fly lot is great. Also, that that was a hell of a birthday party weekend.

I left work around 11am, picked Matt up at home, and we drove to an offsite airport parking lot just south of the airport. Usually we’d get a cab or park at Terminal 2 for short trips like this, but we had a $10/day coupon. That’s cheaper than a cab!

The shuttle picked us up at my car, and we were at the terminal within ten minutes. Add to that the fact that we got to use our brand new Trusted Traveler numbers, and our total time from the car to our seats at Surdyk’s Flights past security was 20 minutes. Incredible.

Our flight was delayed, presumably due to the sequester, so we had plenty of time for lunch and a beer. Since they weren’t yet boarding when we got to the gate, we climbed up to the observation deck, which was conveniently located nearby.

Our flight was uneventful, and we landed nearly on time at Reagan National. If you’re going to DC, don’t bother with Dulles or Baltimore… National is where it’s at. It’s basically in the Potomac River, and it’s on the Metro. Those other two are most definitely not.

Matt and I bought tickets for the Metro and hopped on a train heading south to Alexandria. I could see our hotel from the station, a half-mile walk away. (I knew that before I booked it, but it was worth the extra travel time since it was super-cheap.) When we got to the station exit, we saw a van sitting there with the hotel logo on it. A shuttle? WIN. We hopped on board with two other people and got a ride to the hotel instead.

The Courtyard by Marriott was exactly as you expect… clean, business, oriented, and friendly. The rooms were very recently updated, so they were especially nice for a place well under $100/night. I’m a fan. We unpacked our bags (we were traveling light, so that didn’t take much effort) and headed right back to the Metro station. The shuttle wasn’t out front, so we walked back instead. It only took 10 minutes.

In the hotel we’d done the math on Metro cards, and decided it was a better deal to buy the week-long pass even though we’d only be there for a little over three days. It’s $35 and includes unlimited rides, with a surcharge for rush hour. (We ended up paying less than $1 total for ‘surcharges’, so yeah, it’s worth it. The Metro can be expensive.) We bought those and boarded a train into the District.

We were ready for dinner by the time we arrived half an hour later, so we headed right to Matt’s first restaurant selection: Daikaya. It’s about 2 blocks from Verizon Center. We got seats at a shared table for eight, with the two sides facing each other. It would’ve been kind of strange except for the divider in the middle for condiments. The menu is fantastically simple in the ramen-part of the restaurant: you have four options, plus some sides and beverages. (One of the beverage options is “buy a six-pack for the kitchen”.) I got the vegetarian ramen, of course, and it was fantastic, especially with chili sprinkled all over it. Going there early was also a really good plan, because by 7:30 there was a line forming. It would’ve been worth it regardless, and they got food out amazingly fast.

Full of noodles, we set off in search of one of life’s other needs: beer. We’d done our research ahead of time, and had a list of good options together with notes about the Metro stops near which they were located. A few of them were near the restaurant (that area north of the Archives stop seems to have a ton of really great food and drink now, in addition to all the incredibly touristy stuff), so we decided to try those first. It was about 8pm, and we knew we weren’t going to be up for a very long night.

We found R.F.D. Washington right past the Chinatown gate. All evidence pointed to it being the bro-iest bro bar on earth, from the Irish pub styling to the cavernous warehouse of an interior (not to mention a fair number of bros already there), but their beer selection was unbelievable and the bartenders were great. We found seats along the side of the bar, where we could keep an eye on both the Nats game and the patrons, and dug into the beer list. I tried two from DC breweries (Three Stars, whose gose was excellent, and DC Brau) and one from Virginia (Devil’s Backbone).

We hung out there for a couple hours, talking and watching sports, and watched the place start to fill up. A couple of girls repping for Goose Island came in to hand out samples, and since we were sitting at the end of the bar, we witnessed how complicated that process can be. Their first trays were full of 312 samples, which we gladly took advantage of (I needed something to take ibuprofin for my neck, because I’d slept uncomfortably on the plane). When those were empty, the bartender said they’d run out the supply. They picked a different beer, and had to pay for it in advance before the bar would hand it over. They made a few rounds, then disappeared until later when I found them sharing a handicapped stall in the women’s room, drunkenly moaning about their man problems. AWESOME.

Then there was the bachelor party. There were 12-15 guys in the 25-40 year old range, all wearing the standard button-down shirt and jeans. We decided they were from Boston or somewhere near there, based on their really annoying accents (the yelling over each other didn’t help). They came up individually to buy beers, complained about the prices (the prices were actually shockingly low for a bar in the middle of a large city), and exclaimed about what an awesome deal they’d gotten at the hotel. We wondered which ones we’d see laying in the gutter in Chinatown later. (When I returned from the bathroom, the bartender was lining up 12 Jager bombs for them. Even he was laughing about how incredibly bro they were.) When our tab arrived, we had to double-check to make sure they’d charged us for everything, because it was so unbelievably cheap.

We decided to take a break from the bachelor party entertainment and check out a cocktail bar nearby instead. We were kind of underdressed for The Passenger, especially on a Friday night, but I didn’t care much. If there’s one thing I know about classic cocktail bars on that order, it’s that your service from the staff depends almost entirely on your drink choices. It doesn’t matter how rich you are, if you order a Long Island, you suck.

The place was packed. I angled for a place near the server station at the edge of the bar, and waited for a free bartender. While we stood there, Matt pointed out the fact that they had Fernet on tap. And the thing is, when you’ve had multiple highly entertaining experiences with Fernet, from the skull shotglasses in Boston to our DJ BFF in Los Angeles and the time we had it sitting on the floor of Roma Termini station after the longest day of our lives… well, you order it when it’s on tap. When the bartender finally got to me, I placed our regular cocktail order, plus the two shots.

She brought those first so we could do them right away, then made our drinks. That’s good service right there. We took our drinks and went to stand against the wall amongst the crowd.

After a few minutes, we noticed people leaving a little enclosure nearby, which seemed to have two bench tables in it. We grabbed one of them, and a server came in to finish up with the other group sitting in there. We hung out for a while and didn’t see any sign of her again, so we weren’t sure if they were doing table service anymore. (We didn’t need food anyway, but the wait at the bar was long.) After a while, our drinks were empty and we decided it wasn’t worth the effort of waiting in line and giving up our table, so we went to go close the tab.

The same bartender came to help me again, and suddenly there were two half-shots of Fernet there with our check. See what I mean about service? It’s good to know awesome bartenders are the same everywhere.

We headed back toward the Metro station, with a quick stop at Walgreens along the way. The Chinatown Walgreens was more like a gas station than a regular Walgreens; it was almost all food and drinks. We picked up a six-pack of DC Brau for our hotel room, and went to get the Metro. 25 minutes later we were at our Eisenhower Avenue stop, so we walked back to the hotel and enjoyed a beer on the couch before bed.

And let it be known that DC Brau makes some really good beer. We’d only chosen it because the cans were easier to carry!

The alarm on my phone forgot to go off Saturday morning, so we got a later start than intended. (The extra sleep was nice, though.) We got on the metro around 10:30 and rode to L’Enfant Plaza. Our intention was to see as much of the National Mall as possible, until our feet fell off.

(Spoiler alert: our feet almost fell off.)

The thing we noticed first was the incredible number of food trucks lining the streets that crossed the mall.

I decided on falafel, and Matt got a Philly cheesesteak. We took our food to a good viewpoint on the mall, and sat in the grass to eat. It was fantastically nice outside.

After our early lunch, we walked toward the Capitol. The mall was crowded with tourists, as always, including massive groups of teenagers on school trips.

Bally loves America, obviously.

Even after that mile or so, I was starting to realize that my choice of shoes wasn’t the best for walking. Since I’d only brought a backpack, I didn’t want to carry two extra pairs of shoes, and as we had dressy plans later that night, I took a pair of sandals that I’d never walked any distance in. It was too warm to wear sneakers, so that was my choice. DUMB.

We walked down the other side of the mall, skipping most of the museums. Since it was really nice that day and was supposed to rain Monday, we figured we’d cover some of them later. We did decide to go into the Air & Space Museum: initially it was because I had to go to the bathroom, but it was a good excuse to wander around and see things. It’s still my favorite (the annex in Virginia is even better… why don’t they have shuttles there?).

We stopped into the castle, because I hadn’t been there in years. We picked up a few souvenirs (which I got a discount on, since we get Smithsonian Magazine), then went to check out the rest of the building. They have a fascinating array of totally random artifacts in there.

From there we headed toward the Washington Monument. My feet were trying to kill me, but that wasn’t going to stop the walking. The monument was still covered in scaffolding because of earthquake repairs.

We had a deadline for our tourist activities that day, because we had cocktail and dinner reservations later. That meant we had to be on the Metro by 4pm, in order to go back to the hotel, change clothes, and ride back. (That made me regret having a hotel so far away just a little bit, but it was so much cheaper than the district hotels, it was worth the effort.)

We figured we didn’t have time to walk all the way down to the Lincoln Memorial, since we’d only covered half the mall in that amount of time. Also, my feet were killing me. We headed toward the White House instead, because it was only half a mile or so.

The side streets to the White House are all completely blocked off by security gates and guards; I feel like that wasn’t always the case, but I’m not positive. You can’t get anywhere near it except at the usual spot, directly in front. We followed the crowds, passing by a group of anti-abortion protesters with huge grotesque photos all over the sidewalk. I was diplomatic and didn’t curse at them, though I did thank the gun control protesters for being there.

The plaza in front of the White House was full of police, tourists on Segways, and random protesters. We took our photos, and Bally snuck inside the fence. We then headed toward a much-needed break at the Old Ebbitt Grill, one of the ten oldest bars in America, and haunt of many a corrupt politician.

I asked at the server stand if we could sit at the bar, and they told me there were FOUR of them to choose from. We went into the back room and found an awesome old bar with nautical decor, and exactly the kind of bartender you hope to see: a loud, sarcastic old guy in suspenders.

I ordered a Manhattan, and took his recommendation for whiskey: WhistlePig Rye. I was not disappointed.

We hung out there for a while, resting our feet and enjoying listening to the people around us. There was a very loud, tipsy group of older ladies from the east coast at the end of the bar who were flirting with the bartender. We shared a Negroni, then got our check and headed to the Metro station to ride back to the hotel.

We had to walk from the station to the hotel, but we’d walked so much at that point we really didn’t notice the soreness much anymore. I knew I had blisters, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. We changed quickly, and decided to request the shuttle so we didn’t have to walk back. The driver was there quickly, and we were soon back on the train heading downtown.

Our destination was Jose Andres’ Minibar, the cocktail-focused side of the new Barmini (where the president and first lady had dined recently.)

We love Jose Andres from his TV appearances and his restaurants in Las Vegas. Since DC is his home, we were very excited to visit his new cocktail bar. We made reservations far in advance to be sure to get in, and the rules were intimidating: there’s a $50 fee for no-shows, you can only have your seats for 2 hours, and you have to press the doorbell at a nondescript door 5 times to get in.

We arrived a little early and found the door. We stood there for a very long time before the hostess came to get us. She was a tall, gorgeous lady dressed perfectly, and I was instantly glad we’d made the effort to dress up. She took us through another door, and we walked into a small room with a bar that sat 8 people, and several other creative seating areas. One of them had a wicker hanging chair, and another had a couch made of tufts painted to look like cactus. Everything was shiny white and modern, and there was a two-way mirror into the restaurant portion. The bar was totally open, so that we could see everything that was going on. It was amazing.

I wanted to be a tourist and take pictures of everything, but stuck to just the one, subtly. We ordered cocktails off the extensive menu, and watched the bartender make them in very elaborate fashion. (Their mixing technique was very Toby Maloney-esque.) They had a massive variety of glasses in vintage styles, seemingly for every style of drink. And they had fancy gold mixing tins and jiggers! We were impressed.

We had three drinks apiece over the couple hours we were there, and they were uniformly great. We also ordered a couple appetizers: Matt had a foie gras banh mi slider (which was delivered in a tiny cardboard take out box a la McDonalds), and we shared a truffle grilled cheese. SO GOOD. We learned some new things from the bartender, too.

While we were sitting there, the awesome hostess was quietly telling the staff that someone important was coming in (I couldn’t catch the name), and they were to be treated as if they were anonymous. EXCITING! Every time the light flashed over the door to indicate a new visitor, we subtly peered at them to see if we recognized them. As far as we could tell, nobody famous showed up while we were there, but we’re also pretty bad at recognizing celebrities.

Finally it was time to head to dinner, so we got our check and went to use the bathrooms before we left. The hostess led us out, and asked me about my Gemini tattoo, since she was one, too. Her birthday is a day before mine on June 7th, so I asked if she knew that that was also Prince’s birthday. She was pretty excited that we knew that fact.

This is the wall in the bathroom, by the way. You never, ever have to worry about running out of toilet paper there.

We walked a few blocks up the street to Zaytinya, another Jose Andres joint, where we had reservations at 8. There was a crowd out front, in the lobby, and the place was absolutely monstrous. It had the look of one of those fancy downtown chain restaurants that we generally avoid, but we quickly found out that was a misconception.

Our table wasn’t quite ready, so we went to the bar for cocktails. Again, I was glad we were dressed up… most of the crowd there was fairly fancy. After 20 minutes or so our table was ready, and we were hungry enough that we already had plans for the bread basket. The menu was an innovative mix of Lebanese, Greek, and Turkish food, and it all looked delicious. Plus there were plenty of vegetarian options (including an entire vegetarian mezze page). On our server’s recommendation we ordered three mezze apiece, including a cheese plate. One of my very important life rules: always order the cheese plate when you’re out for a nice dinner.

We ate the flatbread and they brought more, so we used that for cheese. There was still a piece in the basket, but they brought another one. We had to put it far away from us so we didn’t risk a bread basket avalanche. The small plates started arriving, and everything was excellent. We had a glass of Raki to celebrate, too.

We were getting full and still had one dish left on the way, but it was starting to look like it wasn’t going to appear. At that point, we were hoping it didn’t, since we couldn’t have eaten it anyway. Finally the server brought our check, and we breathed a sigh of relief, especially since we weren’t charged for it. Our entire fancy meal was only a bit over $100, too… we were shocked.

Leaving, we found the streets crowded with Capitals fans celebrating the team clinching a spot in the Stanley Cup playoffs. I felt like I was amongst my people! We decided to walk a bit and see what was nearby for cocktails, since my blisters were killing me. Only a few blocks away, we saw a marquee that beckoned us: Cuba Libre. A tropical-themed rum bar? I don’t even know why that would appeal to us.

The place was pretty full and we didn’t want to ask for a table, so we went to stand by the bar near an empty seat next to a questionably-taken seat. The lady there said her friend had left, so we scored the last two seats at the bar. Their menu was primarily mojitos, as expected, and they boasted a giant rum list. We got mojitos, which were good but waaaay too sweet.

After a while, they started clearing tables from the dance floor, which was surrounded by a low fence. Then they cleared the tables outside the dance floor, from the rest of the restaurant. Finally, they started taking bar stools. The guy who took ours told us that the entire floor was for dancing (and he did so in such a joyful way, it was awesome). We stood there waiting for the music to start, and decided to enjoy a rum flight in the meantime. We of course made the bartender climb a ladder to get them, which made the other bartender declare us big spenders. (The rum wasn’t even that expensive, they just seemed to be a mostly-mojito crowd.)

By the time the first song was over, the dance floor was full. It was fantastic, and unlike anything that ever happens in Minnesota. Plus there were some dancers there who really knew what they were doing.

We hung out there for a while watching the dancing, and finally decided to go elsewhere to be able to sit down again, since my feet hurt. We walked over to a Belgian place several blocks away called Brasserie Beck, but walked in just as they were closing. We used their bathrooms and then decided to head back to the hotel, since we had beer there, and it was midnight.

As much as I wanted to see what the Metro was like at 3am, I didn’t really want to experience it in person. Our train was fairly empty, and everyone riding out to the Alexandria area seemed to be asleep. I limped back to the hotel, and we enjoyed a DC Brau on the couch before bed.

Saturday, we again walked down to Decatur and found lunch at a restaurant called the Crescent City Brewhouse. Matt’s meal looked especially delicious:

From there, we walked back over to the Marketplace and got tickets for a tour on the Creole Queen. It would take us up the Mississippi to the Chalmette Battlefield and back.

It threatened to rain a few times, but did little more than sprinkle. The boat was great, and the captain’s narrative was way more interesting than I expected. He of course talked a lot about Katrina, and we saw some of the damage from the river.

At the battlefield, we all climbed off and went to walk around. The place was very calm and picturesque.

I learned what ramparts were. I’d never really thought about it before.

We stopped to visit the gift shop, then climbed back onto the boat. Walking on the levee was kind of exciting, too!

The steamboat had us back in New Orleans around 5pm. We hopped off and decided to go get the streetcar down St Charles to see the Garden District. I wanted to show Matt the haunted house we’d stayed in last time!

The cemetery was unfortunately closed, but we got a good view of it. We’ve both visited New Orleans cemeteries before, too. Also, the Castle Inn of New Orleans is now a private residence, and is for sale!! What will all the ghost-hunters do?

We did some more wandering about the Garden District, and headed cityward in search of food. We were slowing down a bit; it was hot, and we’d walked a lot.

I love that you’ll find beads EVERYWHERE in New Orleans. A constant party reminder.

We found a place called Igor’s Bar that was recommended, so we went in for lunch/dinner. After sitting there for a while with no service, however, we got up and left. We headed down St Charles a little further, and wound up at the Avenue Pub. That place was awesome. We had food and beers and enjoyed watching the locals. Then we hopped on a streetcar and rode back to Canal Street.

We dropped our stuff off at the hotel, freshened up (it’s critical in a city that’s constantly hot and 90% humidity!), and headed back out again. At that point, I’d developed some amazing blisters on my feet, so I had to half-limp. How do you get blisters in flipflops? Especially when you wear them 6 months out of the year?

Our next stop on the list (yes, we had a classic bars list – there are a lot of famous places in New Orleans!) was Sazerac. Inventors of the… yep, you guessed it.

It’s the hotel bar at the Roosevelt, which means it was full of people with far more money (and much better dressed) than us. We hardly cared about that, though, because we probably knew way more about its history than they did. The place was pretty full, but we managed to get seats on a coach as people were leaving. Some ladies came in a bit later and asked if they could sit at the remaining chairs at our table; we said yes, but it was a little bit awkward. A couple seats finally opened at the bar, so we left the table to the ladies and took those instead. It’s way more awesome when you can watch the bartenders working, anyway.

We left there with a glass (don’t worry, we paid for it) and made our way to another oldschool hotel bar, the Swizzle Stick. The cutest gay server in the world got us a couple more cocktails, and we hung out for a while. We didn’t want to stay out too late, though, because we had big plans involving a rental car the next morning! We managed to be back at the hotel before 1am, which I believe should earn you a medal in New Orleans.