From the first time we visited the Dry Tortugas, Matt and I wanted to camp there. It’s a group of tiny islands 70 miles out into the Gulf of Mexico, with a giant fort and tons of wildlife (and over 90% of it is underwater). Who wouldn’t want to do that? So, once we moved to Key West and figured out the best time of year for camping (the winter, since it’s not that hot), we booked a trip to the Tortugas way in advance.

That’s my first bit of advice! Book your trip way in advance. Also, while there’s a really good locals’ discount on the ferry for day trips, that doesn’t apply if you’re camping. Our trip cost $460 total: $390 for the ferry, $20 each for our kayaks, and $15 per night for camping. You’ll need to bring exact cash for the camping fee, since you put that in the camping box when you arrive. The rest is paid in advance.

You have to arrive at the ferry terminal by 6:30 in order to load your gear before everyone else boards. You can park on the street temporarily right in front of the terminal, and they provide big rolling carts. It took us three trips between the kayaks and our gear, but we did it. Matt went to go park in the ramp while I rolled the rest of the gear down the ramp onto the ferry. The captain was there to assist us.

They say you’re allowed 60lb of gear per person; we were just within that limit and were a little nervous about it. There was no indication they actually checked that, though. Because you have to bring a decent-sized animal-proof cooler (there are rats), ice and enough water for the entire duration of your stay, I feel like they don’t enforce that much. We brought a scaled-back version of all our camping gear, camp chairs, a Rubbermaid tote with food and cooking stuff, plus a hardsided cooler. You’re not allowed to bring propane or anything explosive, so you have to go with charcoal or Sterno. I definitely recommend having Sterno as a backup, for reasons you’ll find out below.

There’s also a chance that if there are high seas or other bad weather, the ferry won’t be able to travel on your return date. So make sure to bring some backup food and water just in case. You can leave any extra water with the other campers, who will be happy to have it. One of the rangers even recommended using it to water the palm trees they’d just planted!

We had a meeting with the captain on the ship, where he checked us in, reviewed the rules, and gave us a couple giant trash bags to use on the island. Included with your trip is breakfast on the outbound trip, and one lunch. Like most people, we opted to have our lunch on the day we were returning, so we could pack up early and not have to cook.

After the meeting, we headed to the boarding area and waited with everyone else. The ferry ride was uneventful until we got to the channel about halfway to the Tortugas, and then the seas got rougher. I was wearing Sea Bands, though, so it wasn’t a problem at all. If you get seasick, GET THEM. They’re amazing.

We got to the dock on Garden Key (the largest of the islands, and the one where Fort Jefferson is) about 10:30am. They asked the campers to all assemble on the top deck for a meeting while everyone else got off the boat. There were seven of us arriving that day: another couple, and a group of three. We were the only ones who were staying for two nights.

Ranger Nick, who was awesome and really funny, reviewed all the camping rules again (mostly about animals, cooking, and being careful walking around at night). He also invited everyone to a fishing class after the ferry left, and told us how to get a hold of them at night in case of emergency. It involved a distress call on a marine radio, and only entering the fort as a very last resort.

We chose this site because it was in a narrow area between the moat and the beach. Seriously, how amazing is this? There were only a few shaded spots in the campground and they were already occupied, but we figured it wouldn’t be a huge deal since it wasn’t that hot. It was, however, VERY VERY WINDY.

The wind made setting up a huge pain in the ass, because everything kept trying to blow away. It was so intense that we grabbed some rocks to put on the edge of the rain fly; we were worried it was strong enough to bend the tent poles. That had actually happened to us before!

Once we had everything set up and had claimed our picnic table, we went for a walk around the island.

We’d been told that Carlos the Crocodile had been seen recently in the moat near our campsite. I didn’t see him there, just this starfish:

Most of the ferry visitors were inside the fort, so we walked down Bush Key.

Here’s the division between Bush Key and Long Key. Long Key is totally off-limits because it’s the only magnificent frigatebird nesting site in North America.

The far end of Bush Key is covered in conch shell trees. I love these.

Conch spiral!

Here’s a washed-up Portuguese Man-of-War. Don’t mess with this guy.

While we wandered, the two seaplanes who service the island were coming and going. It’s awesome watching them landing.

Round about 3pm, it was time for the ferry to go. We went down to the dinghy beach (where our kayaks were hanging out) and watched it go. The guy in the life jacket is one of our fellow campers who had been there the previous night. He had a really nice kayak and what appeared to be the best campsite, hidden in the trees and out of the wind.

The island changes completely the second the boat and last seaplane leave. It suddenly feels very remote. It’s amazing.

Ranger Nick had told us earlier that he was giving fishing lessons once the boat left, so we decided to go check that out. The park has a fishing license that covers all visitors, which is pretty awesome. They also have all the gear there for you to borrow.

He first showed us how to cast a net for bait. It took a few tries, but we got a bucketful soon enough.

Then it was fishing time! There was another couple there from Miami, so they and Matt got hand reels and baited their hooks. I was just there to watch, since as a vegetarian I’m not that excited about possibly hurting a fish.

That changed quickly as Ranger Nick handed me a reel that already had a line in the water. They promised me they’d use the fish if I caught it, so I fished. It was kind of exciting.

It was mostly mangrove snapper under the dock, but there were also some bigger yellowtail hanging around. One of them took my hook and started pulling. Suddenly, a gigantic goliath grouper swam up, ate the yellowtail and ran with the tiny, tiny line on my hand reel.

Ranger Nick helped me let all the line out and then we waited. I had no idea how this was going to end in anything successful, but the gigantic fish stayed on the line for a long time. Finally it went slack, and it was time to try again.

But then I caught a real fish! My first fish ever. It was a just-barely-legal-sized mangrove snapper.

While we were fishing, a big Coast Guard ship came sailing up, with huge guns on the deck and everything. Even the ranger was standing there gawking as they docked. I asked him what was going on, and he said he had no idea – they’d had small Coast Guard boats before, but nothing like this at all. It was kind of bizarre.

Everyone else caught their own fish, and the ranger was nice enough to do the butchering for us. Since the Miami couple didn’t have a cooler, Matt took all the filets back to put in our cooler for dinner. We we all very proud of ourselves. These guys were happy for the guts, too.

It was nearing sunset, so we headed into the fort to climb up to the top of the wall. Fort Jefferson closes after sunset, but the rangers told us we had about 15 minutes to clear the grounds afterwards.

Here’s the lighthouse on Loggerhead Key. It’s about 3 miles away, and in good weather you can kayak there. There was no way that was happening in 30mph winds, though. (We were questioning any kayaking in that weather.)

We had a pretty good view from the campsite. Seriously amazing.

Once the sun went down, we headed to our tent to make dinner. Look at how calm and peaceful it looks in this photo! And check out my Luminoodle lights, which were running on a backup battery that I charged via portable folding solar panel! The wind was really strong, somewhere between 25-30mph, and we had a couple big rocks holding the rain fly down. Those stakes weren’t all that great in the sand.

The wind meant we had some trouble getting the grill going, too. We had a little bag of charcoal per the ferry’s recommendations, but Matt was struggling to even get the lighter to light. We finally made enough of a windblock to make it happen, and put out food on the grill. We had plantains, a veggie dog for me, and of course the fish filets in the cooler. The couple from Miami came over and asked if we minded cooking their fish too; it turned out they had just brought some trail mix and snacks in bags since they were only staying one night. We sat around talking while our dinner cooked very slowly in the ridiculous wind.

They ended up being really great, and had good advice on camping in the Everglades. We all shared our food and sat around being amazed by the stars, which were brighter than we’d ever seen before. They headed back to their campsite after dinner, and we cleaned up and decided to walk over to the group-camp area where it was completely open to see the stars better.

The Coast Guard ship was still docked there, and we realized there were guys coming back from the beach wrapped in towels, boarding the ship. Apparently they had just stopped by for a beach break! You could see general movement and hear the intercom beeping, but we were too far away to hear their announcements. We figured they were going to sail pretty soon, but didn’t seem to be in a huge hurry to do so. We saw the rangers come out and close up the dock building for the night, and then everything became very dark and quiet.

I wish there was some way to capture how the sky looked. There were so many stars we had trouble picking out constellations, because we’re used to only seeing the main stars. (Even in Key West we have a pretty dark night sky – far darker than anything I’ve seen up north – but nothing like this.) The Milky Way was clearly visible overhead, running across the entire sky. It was unreal. (To get an idea of it, watch this video. It give me goosebumps, it’s so accurate.)

After a while, the moon started to rise over Bush Key and the Coast Guard ship. We could see at that point that there was no longer anyone on the bridge, so apparently they were hanging out for the night. We went to use the restrooms and then headed back to our campsite.

A note about the restrooms: when the ferry is at the dock, everyone on the island is supposed to use their restrooms. This is a very good thing, since they have flush toilets and running water to wash your hands. When the ferry leaves, they unlock the composting toilets. They were actually in very good condition and didn’t smell anywhere near as much as usual camping pit toilets. However, if you go in there at night wearing your headlamp, don’t shine it down into the toilet. The cockroaches running around in there won’t make you very happy about the whole situation.

It was pointless to try to sit up and play a game with the wind, so we climbed into the tent and read Kindles for a while. The wind made it extremely loud, with the rain fly whipping against the tent. (Matt was convinced we’d have been better off without it, but I thought it would be loud regardless. Plus there was a chance of rain.) We both slept miserably; I kept waking up with the side of the tent would blow against my head, and I’d have to scoot down and sleep in a ball. It wasn’t pleasant at all.

The next morning, I got this view on the way to the bathroom. I wasn’t that mad about not having slept much, seeing this.

The Coast Guard ship had sailed off a bit earlier; we heard their intercom and the engines starting up. That meant there were maybe 20 of us total on the island, including the park rangers. Amazing.

Here’s South Beach. It’s different from the Miami version.

I don’t think I’ve ever been the first person to leave footprints on the beach in the morning.

On the way back to our site, I passed the kayak-guy, who was making breakfast over a can of Sterno. I told him about our travails in the wind and difficulty cooking, and he told me that he was going to be heading back that day, so we should claim his site and move the tent. He said he didn’t notice the wind at all, because he was hidden in the trees. It was definitely the best site in the campground.

He also said that Sterno was the way to go in the wind, and gave me the little grill he was using to cook on. He said to take it and bring back a bag or something to put at his site so that everyone knew it was ours. I loved that guy a lot, because he was 100% right.

We gathered our things and prepared to move. The turkey vultures didn’t waste any time looking for leftovers by our picnic table.

This is what our new site looked like. It was a HUGE improvement.

Since we had also brought Sterno per the ferry’s recommendation (mostly because we didn’t want to heat coals for breakfast), we were able to quickly rig up a windblock with bricks and the guy’s little Sterno stove and had a much more pleasant cooking experience than the previous night. Blueberry pancakes! They were delicious.

One of the seaplanes arrived while we were having breakfast and moving camp, and then the ferry. We decided it was time to get off the island while all the people were on it.

Our kayaks had been hanging out at the dinghy beach, so we were ready to go. We had a chat with our kayaking pal about conditions; he said it was pretty difficult paddling due to the wind, but told us which route to take, sticking to the shore. We geared up and paddled out.

Our kayak pal had boarded the ferry at that point, and was up on the top deck waving at us as we passed. The paddling didn’t seem too difficult at all, since the land curves around and blocks most of the current coming in from the channel. We just got splashed a bit.

Here’s Fort Jefferson and the ferry from the water. I still can’t get over this place. It’s amazing.

We paddled along Bush Key, and then crossed the little channel between that and Long Key. Much of the sand spit was above water, so it was doing a good job of breaking up the current. Still, it was the most difficult area to paddle in.

Long Key is surrounded by buoys marking the do-not-cross line. This is the closest we could get to the magnificent frigatebird nesting grounds, but we were close enough to see them in decent detail. There were hundreds of them, and eventually we were able to pick out some of the males sitting in trees puffing out the giant red sacs on their neck that they use for a mating display. Hilarious.

After watching the birds for a while, we paddled back toward Garden Key.

We went over to the far side of the dinghy docks, where an old platform used to be. The pilings were full of pelicans and seagulls, so we stirred them up a bit. Our Miami friends were hanging out there by the water, so we wished them a good trip back on the ferry.

The paddling was much harder the closer we got to the South Beach side, so we headed back to the dinghy beach and pulled up our boats. We were very happy that we hadn’t brought the kayaks in vain, because we were convinced it wasn’t going to happen in that wind. We’d have to save the Loggerhead paddle til next time!

We took advantage of the ferry’s clean restrooms and running water several times that day. It was especially convenient after lunch, when everyone clears out and heads into the fort for the tour. (If you’re out of water, ice, etc you can purchase it on the ferry, too. It’s just really expensive, so plan ahead!)

We went back to the campsite to make some lunch. As other campers had mentioned, the ground now looked like it was moving because of all the hermit crabs. They were adorable.

We had to be really careful walking around, though. I’d be sad to mash one of those little dudes. If you dropped food, a bunch of them would go swarming toward it and a hilarious crab battle would ensue. Usually the biggest guy won; his name was Lawrence Whelk. (I know.)

After lunch, the fort had emptied out quite a bit and a lot of the daytrippers were back on the ferry. We decided to go tour it again. It was nice to feel like you could take your time with everything; when you’re on the ferry or seaplane, you’re aware of just how limited your time is on the island.

This never gets old:

Closeup of the floor; the concrete is full of shells and coral.

Hard to see, but there are snorkelers along the wall. They’re much braver than we are, since the water was REALLY COLD. January is not swimming time in the Keys, no matter what people tell you.

Here’s the view from the front of Fort Jefferson.

Looking toward the campground (in the trees).

Bally likes to pretend he’s a cannonball. Of course Bally came with us to the Tortugas!

Looking through the fort to the north:

And there are our kayaks hanging out on the beach.

When we got back to the campground, a guy was standing near the moat staring at something. We went to see, and he pointed out Carlos the crocodile. He was so well-camouflaged it was hard to see him, but he’s there. Look to the bottom right of the rusted piece of metal near the water line and his head is there. His tail is mostly in the water.

So yeah, there was a crocodile within view of our campsite. We weren’t especially concerned about it since he’s there a lot (and crocs aren’t aggressive like alligators can be), but other people were. We learned that he swims miles to some of the other keys to look for food and ladies!

The ferry headed out and the seaplanes were leaving shortly, so we grabbed a blanket and our Kindles and headed over to North Beach. There’s a lot of fascinating old stuff to see at that beach; there’s a pile of mechanisms from the fort, and old worn bricks all over the place. We had the beach to ourselves just like we did the first time we visited!

Here’s something that’s changed in the year and a half since we moved to Key West:

We hung out reading and staring at the ocean for a while, and then decided to head back to the campground. We took our chairs to the beach and joined most of our fellow campers there to see the sunset.

This view never gets old. I love it.

The wind was still in full force; I felt a little bad for the people who had claimed our old campsite. However, at our new site, we barely even noticed it. It was such a huge difference, it was amazing. We set up our lights and made dinner over charcoal.

My Luminoodle lights worked perfectly, and I had charged all our battery packs during the day with the solar panel mounted on the post for hanging trash. I had a set of four little USB backup chargers that were plenty to keep our campsite and tent Luminoodles running, and our phones fully charged. (Even though there’s no cell service at the Tortugas, you obviously have to take a million pictures.)

We played cards for a while, and ended up going to bed pretty early because of our prior sleepless night. We had the rain fly on the tent mostly because it’s entirely mesh and I didn’t want someone walking by and looking at my naked butt in the morning. We left the side doors open, though, and with a slight breeze it was incredibly pleasant.

I got up shortly before sunrise, and was greeted by a completely deserted island. I didn’t even see rangers walking around at that hour.

I watched the sun come up over the Gulf, still having my mind blown at the fact we got to stay there. It’s so incredible.

We got up, made breakfast, and started packing up camp. I talked to a few people about their campsites, and they were uniformly miserable because of the wind. Like our previous camp-tenant, we told them to consider taking over our site when we left. There are only 2-3 totally sheltered sites there, and they make a huge difference in either sun or wind.

The red flag was flying on the fort, indicating that small boats were allowed to come into the harbor and moor for wind shelter. There were several sailboats tied up there.

We grabbed a rolling cart from the dock and started hauling our stuff over. You’re supposed to have all our gear waiting in the pickup spot on the dock by 10am, as well as all your trash so they can haul it back to Key West. While they supply giant, heavy plastic trash bags that work well for hanging up away from pests – palm rats, mostly – they don’t have any recycling receptacles for your campsite. We just threw all our recycling in our cooler to haul back with us. (I think they also had recycling on the ferry.)

These turkey vultures supervised as we hauled our kayaks to the dock.

They’re incredibly graceful-looking creatures in the air, and stupidly gawky on land. They’re really entertaining. (They also know where the fish scraps come from.)

When the ferry arrived, they quickly offloaded the new campers’ gear and put ours onboard. Here are our kayaks, ready to go!

We kept a day bag with us, since we had til 3pm on the island. We did some more reading on the beach, then grabbed some lunch from the ferry and had a picnic. After that, we joined the short tour of the fort to see if we’d missed any important knowledge about it (we had, too!). We went to have a chat with the guy who ran the visitor’s center, since Matt had met him the previous day, and then did some more wandering around the fort. We swore there were different areas open than we’d seen previously, which is definitely possible since it’s always under renovation. I don’t recall ever seeing Samuel Mudd’s cell before – it’s directly above the visitor’s center on the second level of the fort.

And then it was time to head back to civilization, sadly. The ride back was rough again, but SeaBands got me through.

Now I want everyone to do this same trip so we can compare notes on how amazing it is!

We got up bright and early the next morning, to get to the Grand Canyon before “the rush”. (We didn’t really expect a rush that time of year, but you never know.) We checked out of the hotel, grabbed a drive-through breakfast, and headed into the park. The sun was just coming up.

I parked the car in the gigantic parking lot near the main visitor center. There were very few cars there, so that was a good sign. We grabbed our cameras and headed toward a nearby overlook for our first-ever view of the Grand Canyon.

It was not disappointing. I got choked up when I saw it.

We walked along the trail by the visitor center, taking pictures at each stop. There were very few people around. It was cold, but not terrible… when the sun came up, it was around freezing.

The biggest crowds we saw were at this overlook by the entrance. There were a bunch of people with selfie sticks taking photos of themselves. And by ‘a bunch’, I mean 30 at most. It was kind of amazing.

Bally was impressed, too.

Here are a couple panoramas!

What we’d learned about the Grand Canyon is that January is a pretty questionable month there, weather-wise. It’s very likely that the roads to some of the more remote overlooks are closed in January, so you can pretty much only stick around the visitor centers and Grand Canyon Village. We got incredibly lucky, because all the roads were open.

The other huge plus to going that time of year is that during the high season (March to November), you can’t take those roads to the overlooks. You park at the visitor center, board a bus, and ride to each of the stops along the way. But in the off-season, you’re on your own. I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t have been able to get to half the things we saw if we’d have had to wait for buses all day.

From the visitor center, we drove on through Grand Canyon Village and onto the road to Hermit’s Rest, which heads westward along the south rim of the canyon. We stopped at most of the overlooks along the way.

From the first overlook, you can see Bright Angel Trail. There were plenty of people walking it already, and I did not envy their climb back up.

It didn’t take long for us to notice the effects of altitude: we just had to try to climb back up the stairs from the overlook. We were gasping by the time we got to the top.

God, it was gorgeous there. Especially in the morning light.

There’s no good way to get the appropriate perspective in your photos, either. It’s so gigantic. (I still have trouble believing that the Colorado River was actually a mile below us.)

We drove to Hopi Point, then took the trail back to Powell Point. (All over the overlooks are connected by a walking trail, most of it paved.)

There’s a monument to John Wesley Powell there, commemorating the first (white guy) explorer to boat the length of the Colorado River.

From those two stops, we decided to drive all the way to Hermit’s Rest. I didn’t really know what to expect there, but it was awesome. Also, there were two other cars in the parking lot. It felt almost like we had the park to ourselves.

We went into the building there, and saw the fireplace that people had been warming themselves at for a hundred years. There’s a shop in there, too, so we picked up the requisite souvenirs of our visit.

Matt plugged a quarter into the telescope so we could check out the view.

He’d read that you could use those telescopes as a telephoto lens for your camera, so I tried it out. Um…. nope.

We walked down the trail behind the building, which led to the trailhead parking lot, where there were a couple campers parked. There was also this array of bones, which wasn’t at all creepy.

I wanted to steal the walking sticks there. (I have a fetish for those little medallions you can buy at any national or state park as souvenirs, which you’re supposed to attach to your walking stick. I have zero need for them, but I really want them.) Matt said I couldn’t, lest we get murdered by the campers or the people who left the bones there.

Then we filled our bottles with Grand Canyon spring water. It was deliciously mineraly.

We went back to the car, and went to see the stops we’d passed along the way. First was Pima Point, which we had to ourselves.

 

 

Those railings are there to protect you, but they’re kind of beat to hell:

We found our initials carved in a tree!

Then there was The Abyss, the best-named overlook.

Once we’d seen all the stops along the Hermit’s Rest road, we went back to Grand Canyon Village and parked the car. We walked down across the railroad tracks to visit the mules. The guy in front nickered ‘hi’ to us, which was adorable.

Then we crossed back along the tracks (which were still somewhat ice-covered, due to being in the shade) and went to see a train parked there, and the station.

We realized that the buses parked there with a bunch of bus drivers hanging out meant that the train was arriving, so we stayed to watch it pull into the station. I really want to take the train sometime.

Then we walked up the hill to see the hotels. Climbing two flights of stairs at altitude is not a fun adventure, and makes you feel hella old.

El Tovar is the fancy old lodge-style hotel with rocking chairs on the front porch. We sat in one, and then went inside to take a look.

It’s chock full of dead animals, as expected. Apparently the cocktail lounge there is really cool, but it was closed for renovation. We decided to move on.

Next door is Bright Angel Lodge, which also has a very outdoorsy appeal. I liked their lobby better, because it reminded me of all the up-north cabins in Minnesota.

We decided to go have a beer in their lounge instead. It was the opposite of fancy, but it was oldtimey and comfortable.

Then it was time to make our way onward so that we weren’t driving the whole way back to Scottsdale in the dark. We first went to the visitor center, used the restroom, and got coffee for the road. Then we took the park road heading east toward Desert View. We’d seen a sign at the entrance saying the road going that way might be closed, but that was not the case.

I was glad we’d taken the other route first… there’s not as much to see along the way, at least until you get to the end.

The tower was really cool. It was built by the same people who built Hermit’s Rest.

There was more snow at this end, too. Unfortunately it had started to get overcast in the late afternoon.

From there, we continued on the highway out of the park. The exit leads to a very large Navajo reservation with awesome views of the mountains. I learned later that there’s fossil evidence of dinosaurs all over the place there, too.

We descended very slowly along the route back south. There’s not as much to see going that direction, and the desert is very scrubby. We stopped in Flagstaff to get a burrito, and then headed onward. We had considered stopping to see Sedona, too, but realized we’d be pretty late getting back to Scottsdale.

On the way, we were listening to the NFC championship game on Sirius, and heard the Packers get knocked out of the playoffs. That was satisfying.

We got back to the condo in Scottsdale around sunset, where Matt’s parents were anxiously waiting for us. We had pizza for dinner, showed them all the photos we’d taken at the Grand Canyon, and hung out playing cards, followed by another visit to the awesome hot tub.

We got up the next morning, checked out of the Wigwam, and got back on the road. It was time to head into the desert… after a filling breakfast, of course. We found the highly-recommended DJ’s Coffee Shop about 15 miles away (but still in San Bernardino, of course), and sat at the counter to eat. It’s a classic greasy-spoon-type place, but their food was great; I had an omelet full of green peppers that was spectacular.

I’ve seen most of coastal California, especially San Francisco and SoCal, but I’ve never really been into the desert (with the exception of the Vegas drive). I’ve always been kind of fascinated with it, so I was excited to see what it was about. We learned from a friend later on that Thanksgiving weekend is the official start of ‘desert season’ in California, where everyone heads over there to camp and ride 4-wheelers around. Kind of like summer cabin season here in Minnesota.

The drive to the Coachella Valley was really scenic:

We got off I-10 just past the Palm Springs exit, and headed east instead. We stopped at a gas station in Morongo Valley, where I bought three bottles of water, in addition to the full Camelbak I had in the car. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that it’s smart to have a ton of water with you in the desert.

Back on the road, we passed through Yucca Valley, a super-cute little town full of art and antique shops. From there we hopped off the main highway, and headed into Joshua Tree National Park.

We bought a park pass and got a map from the ranger station. While I was paying, Matt was busy reading the sign I missed on the building: it said, “Watch out for tarantulas on the road”. While I’m sure that was meant to protect tarantulas, he thought maybe we should run over any of them we found. Hopefully they’d travel in a giant train, so we could get a bunch of them at once.

Since we came in the north entrance, that meant we entered via the Mojave, or high desert side. The hills were very volcanic looking (some of them reminded me of Haleakala), but the geology also varied quite a bit. There were Joshua trees all over, too.

Some of the Joshua trees were dead. They make for good pictures, though.

I have a million pictures of the park, and none of them really do it justice. It’s gorgeous. Also, the sky. Totally perfect.

There were rock climbers all over the bigger outcroppings. These looked appealing:

This is my favorite Joshua tree:

A few miles in, there were cars pulled over because a coyote was wandering down the other side of the road. It would pass each car slowly and approach warily, which sucks because that means it had been fed by tourists before.

This was a popular climbing rock. You can see some of the lines right in the middle. I bet the scrub was chock-full of tarantulas, too.

Several miles in, there’s a turnoff for a spot called Keys View. It’s a few miles up a mountain at about 5,000 feet, with a short trail to an overlook. It’s worth the drive.

Off in the hazy distance, it’s the Coachella valley. I really didn’t know how much farming went on there; it’s a lot. This is looking west, directly over the San Andreas Fault, with the San Jacinto Mountains in the background.

Looking south, you can make out the Salton Sea, and Signal Mountain near Mexicali in the far distance.

We headed back to the park road, and passed through a section of giant rocks. (I think one of the turnoffs is actually called Giant Rocks.) This is Skull Rock:

I wish we had more time to stop at all the roadside attractions, but it was a long drive through the park. We did have to stop to see the cactus garden, though. By then we’d crossed into the low desert, the Colorado, and the landscape started to change quite a bit.

(Confession: I touched the cactus and lived.)

The cactus garden is surreal. There are a million of them, just waiting to kill you.

This is the inside of a cactus stem:

Bally liked the view. Bally likes everything, really.

We stopped at the visitor center on the south end of the park to pick up a souvenir and to fill my Camelbak, because yes, I’d consumed all three bottles of water plus that entire container. It’s the desert, man.

Rather than get back on I-10, we followed Google’s directions (which were suspect in California at best, even with GPS enabled) toward Mecca. This led us through Box Canyon, which was kind of amazing.

The road twists and winds through at least 10 miles of canyon like this, and there are areas on the side of the road where people have parked their campers and created little compounds. They all had ATVs, too.

We exited Box Canyon onto the road heading into Mecca, a small town at the north end of the Salton Sea. Looking for the road to the sea, we passed acres and acres of produce of all kinds. It was kind of amazing to see that much food production up close, and in full bloom during late November.

We finally found our way to the highway that circled the Salton Sea.

We headed east, toward the state park area. The sun was starting to set, so we had pretty spectacular views. I pulled off at one of the beaches so we could get photos, and upon leaving the car was instantly greeted with the main reason people had deserted the Salton Sea: the smell. It smelled like dead fish and chemicals, and not just a little bit. It was overpowering.

In case you weren’t aware of this bizarre wonder in the California desert, here’s the short version (or the long version, via Wikipedia): the Salton Sea was formed accidentally in the early 1900s while workers were trying to funnel water into the very fertile Coachella Valley. It flooded the low basin, and created a huge inland sea. It soon became a huge resort and vacation destination, because, well, look at it.

The problem, however, was that there’s no natural exchange of water in the Salton Sea; it’s not fed by streams, nor does it have any drainage. So all the industrial and farming runoff from the valley poured right into the sea, and it poisoned everything. Almost all the fish died, creating a hell of a stink, and people left in droves. In many cases, they just left the stuff in their houses, and fled.

So now you have places like Bombay Beach, a former resort town that’s mostly abandoned and falling apart.

We unfortunately got there very close to sunset, and couldn’t see as much of it as we wanted to. It’s strange and mostly-deserted, but there are still people hanging on there at the end of a giant stinky sea. It’s a really bizarre place.

And then it was dark, so we pointed our car in the direction of Palm Springs. It took about an hour to arrive at our hotel, the Movie Colony. I’d picked it because it was walking distance to Tonga Hut, the only real destination we had in mind there, because we knew virtually nothing about the town beyond its awesome 1960s architecture.

The hotel was an excellent choice. It was very small, centered around a courtyard with a firepit, outdoor bar (which currently had free happy hour cocktails), and swimming pool. The lady working there was super-friendly, and took us up to our room on the second level overlooking the courtyard.

Matt had done some research on dinner options on the way there, and we’d decided on a place a few blocks away called Workshop Kitchen. We changed clothes and walked down there, finding it in the back of an open mall area. It was small, modern, and thankfully had a couple seats for us at the bar, since the entire rest of the place was already booked. We had a great meal, one of those that reminds you how completely spoiled California is, foodwise. It’s so easy to be vegetarian there.

We’d made plans to get together with my very longtime friend Paul, who lives in Long Beach, while we were in Palm Springs. He was there for Thanksgiving, and it just so happens that he and his friends love tiki bars as much as we do. So our obvious next stop was Tonga Hut to meet them.

We walked several blocks down there, passing a ton of great-looking restaurants and super-cute shops, which were all closed for the night. I kind of regretted not having more time in Palm Springs, because I’m pretty sure we’d have loved it. I liked that everything was centrally-located, too.

We headed upstairs to Tonga Hut and didn’t see Paul there, so Matt and I grabbed seats at the bar. We were worried we’d missed them, since they had dinner reservations elsewhere. After a while, they all showed up: Paul, his husband Eddie, and two of their friends who loved tiki far more than we ever could… they regaled us with stories of all the places they’d been, and the huge tiki collection they had in their new house in Palm Springs. (Paul sent photos later – it’s truly amazing.)

We hung out with them for an hour or so, talking about travel and what it was like living in the area. Apparently it’s really common for everyone in the LA area to head out into the desert that time of year, like a pilgrimage. I’d do the same, really.

Then it was time for them to head to dinner, so we said goodbye and hung out a bit longer before deciding to walk back to the hotel. It was even colder than it had been in other places in the desert at night, but it wasn’t cold enough to deter us from hanging out in the hot tub for a while before bed.

Cindi’s mom made us breakfast out on the patio, and the local DJ dedicated a song to us on KCAD. It was then it was time to get in some nature before the party began. We headed west, to Theodore Roosevelt National Park, and decided to do some hiking. Since we hadn’t really planned on hiking, none of us were prepared; we had no water, and I was wearing flipflops. But I’ve been in much worse situations before.

painted canyon, in the badlands

cindi and matt on the trail

my awesome flipflop tan

We hiked down to the bottom of the canyon, wandered around for a while, then had to hike back out. It wasn’t easy. We got to the top and all had to rest for a while. It was hot and dry, and we were thankful for the warm outdoor drinking fountain.

Further west, we passed the Home on the Range for Wayward Boys:

Then we drove to the Montana border, since neither Wendy nor Jumi had been there before.

matt in montana, while we were in north dakota

we took turns riding in the trunk

We then turned around and headed to the Medora exit, to see the cute little town Cindi had been telling us about. It was full-on western. We had lunch at the Cowboy Cafe, because they served buffalo. Ick.

horse tongue!

matt’s buffalo steak

We wandered around, stopping into a few shops, and then Wendy rode the mechanical bull. We also had beers at the Iron Horse Pub, and sat out on the patio in the glorious weather. Well, I laid on the bench there. They didn’t seem to mind. It was perfect.

Late in the afternoon, it was time to head back to Dickinson. We took a spin through another part of the park first, to see the prairie dog villages (note: Jumi is scared of prairie dogs!) and look for buffalo. We didn’t see any (presumably because they’d eaten them all at the Cowboy Cafe), but we did see a very, very excited male horse. We couldn’t stop talking about it.

Back in Dickinson, it was rodeo time. I’d never been to a rodeo before, so I had no clue what to expect.

cowboy with a cellphone

We got our programs and started putting money on the riders, though none of us actually ended up settling our bets afterward. Matt opened his program and said, “hey, mine’s signed already!” Deb got very excited, because apparently that meant he won something. When they did drawings later, his prize was revealed: a championship belt buckle. SO AWESOME.

calf roping

this kid spent half the rodeo glaring at us. he was hysterical.

I’m glad I got to see the rodeo, but I’m glad I don’t have to go see one again. I kind of felt bad for the animals, especially the calves for roping.

We went to dinner with Cin’s parents at the Crunchy Kitten, where Terry couldn’t stop giggling over double-entendres. Afterward, we headed downtown (sans parents) to Uncle Ron’s Spur Bar, where crappy karaoke was in full swing.

wendy’s $3 beer

We were kind of bored with the place, so we decided to go to Army’s West instead. That may have been a mistake on a few levels.

1) a girl told Jumi they didn’t play much hip-hop there (presumably because she’s black)
2) they had long islands in pitchers that they just served with a bunch of straws
3) there was a crazy lesbian (presumably on meth) on the dance floor that scared everyone
4) they played the ‘Numa Numa’ song (which is the reason we decided to finally leave)
5) lots of potential date-rape action going on with the dancing.

ICK. However, we rocked the naked lady matching game. A lot.

We had to get up far too early on our last day, in order to gather in the theatre at 8am. We had breakfast on the back deck one last time, and watched the sun rise. We were already docked in Fort Lauderdale.

Since we had booked an excursion, we got to get off the boat a little earlier than the rest of the passengers. We found our luggage in a giant room in the embarkation building, and had to stop to talk to a customs agent on the way out. I was worried because we were slightly over the limit for alcohol (one person can only bring back two bottles). I handed the dude my slip and passport, and he asked, “Do you have any alcohol or tobacco?” I replied, “I have a 750 of Dominican rum.” He said, “Don’t drink it all before you leave the seaport!” Um, next time I’m bringing back an entire liquor store.

We got on the bus for our excursion and sat there for a long time, waiting for the rest of the passengers. Since our flight wasn’t til late afternoon, we were going to the Everglades, and then the bus would drop us off at the airport.

We drove about a half-hour to a private park in the Everglades, and parked right at the airboat dock. Riding an airboat is one of those things I’ve been dying to do forever, and we didn’t have the opportunity in Louisiana. I was excited.

The airboat was awesome. It was low to the water, noisy, and went way faster than we expected. We saw a ton of other wildlife, but it seemed like we’d been looking for a long time without seeing any alligators. I was starting to think we might not.

And then!

We got so close to some of the alligators, it was kind of scary. I felt like they were looking me right in the eye.

After our boat ride, we went down to see the alligator-wrangling demo. They also had a tiny baby named Bobber, who we took turns holding.

We watched a big redneck dude wrestle and pin an alligator, then pry her mouth open so we could see. I kind of felt bad for the animal, because she was hella crabby about it.

We hopped back on the bus, and it drove us to the Fort Lauderdale airport. Half of us got off; the rest were going on to Miami. We got there around 1pm (our flight was at 4:30), and figured we’d have plenty of time to have lunch in the airport and hang out. Oh, but we were dead wrong. The line snaked all over the check-in area and back down the main hallway. We stood there for over 2 hours, talking to the people around us, and reading standing up. We took turns going into shops for snacks and pop, and going to the bathroom. It sucked a lot.

After checking in, we then had to get in the line to drop our bags off. We left exit the building and lined up outside. After a bit, we noticed that half the bags in line didn’t have tags on them, which meant they hadn’t checked in yet. We and a bunch of other people were in the wrong line; we went back inside and took up spots at the end of another very long line. It was horrible, and the people working there looked miserable.

After another 45 minutes, we were able to leave our bags, and headed to the security check. We were close to being late for the flight, as was probably everyone else in that airport. Finally we got to the gate, boarded, and the plane seemed as if it would be only a little delayed. Wendy and I were punchy, so we passed the time making signs to hold up to the window, hoping passengers on other planes would see them. One of them was “HELP! There’s an alligator on our plane!!” We were laughing so hard that the flight attendant came over to see what the hell we were up to.

Our flight crew was Captain Bob and Johnny Payne; I’m pretty sure they were superheroes. Captain Bob introduced the flight attendants as ‘pretty girls’. We got to Atlanta on time, and had three hours before our connecting flight, so we took the train into downtown to find dinner. We wandered around for a few blocks, and every single business there was closed. The city seemed deserted. Because the train ride took so long, we decided to just get food at the airport; we headed back and went to Houlihan’s, where they made me a veggie burger and I considered napping on the table.

The flight to Minneapolis left on time, thankfully, and we got back to the cold close to midnight. The best part of all of that was that Matt stayed up waiting for me to get home. I missed him like crazy, which is exactly why he’s coming on the next cruise with us.

Stay tuned for Cruise II: THE REVENGE, when Wendy, Cindi, Jumi, Matt and I return to the Caribbean, and possibly even light the boat on fire again. We can hope.

Saturday morning, we drove Poontang up to Estes Park to get our hikin’ in the Rockies on. It was freezing there and we were unprepared, so we stopped at an outfitter so I could buy a fleece. There were elk everywhere, wandering around in people’s yards and everything.

We encountered a snowstorm around 8,000 feet! It was gorgeous, though the wind was ridiculous. They closed the main park road because 80mpg gusts were pushing cars off of it.

nymph lake

on the emerald lake trail, with a snowstorm in the background.

dream lake

me freezing at dream lake

We hiked a ton, til we couldn’t feel our toes anymore, and then descended from the mountains around dusk in order to see the elk rut. It was fascinating. An elk would trumpet and a whole herd of ladies would try to fend off his advances. We saw a little bit of aggressive behavior between males, but nothing major.

elk in the mood for love

We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant north of Denver on the way back to the hotel, then fell over exhausted from hiking.

On Monday, we went to Colorado Springs to see the Garden of the Gods, and do some more hiking.

garden of the gods, with pike’s peak in the background

ROCK SHADOW

We went to pay our regards to the hockey arena (for Stephanie’s WCHA-pride’s sake), the ProRodeo Hall of Fame, and Shepler’s, where I bought some superhot urban cowgirl boots. You know how I know they’re awesome? Gay boys love them.

We headed towards the airport with what we figured was plenty of time, only realized it was something like 60 miles away. Why is everything so distant in Denver? It’s crazy. Anyway, we managed to get there on time, and ended up on the same unairconditioned plane. Dear Northwest Airlines: you had an entire weekend to fix that thing. Hello?

Wendy dropped me off at home, and I hopped in the car to go to work. I got home after 12:30am. I may have been a little angry about that. Don’t tell the Dalai Lama.

On Sunday, I decided to drive up to Mesa Verde. While I tend to visit Colorado fairly often, it’s in a part of the state that’s hard to get to. Of course, it was hard to get to from Santa Fe, too. I didn’t find that out til later.

i’m a nerd who gets excited about things like this.

It took me at least 5 hours to reach the park, though it’s only 280 miles. There are a lot of narrow, winding roads involved, but it’s worth it because it’s very picturesque. I stopped in Durango and then rushed as fast as I could to the park entrance.

I had contracted a killer cold on the flight out, and the vast quantity of medication I was consuming did NOT help with the hiking at that altitude. I felt out of breath very quickly. (I have a flask and shotglass from Denali with the geological survey marker for Mt. McKinley. These things excite me a lot.)

looking south toward Shiprock

I went to the visitors’ center to get tickets to tour the cliff dwellings. I picked Balcony House, because it was described as most difficult (for altitude and climbing through narrow passages). They had a little demo tunnel you could crawl through to see if you’d fit. Awesome.

ladder to balcony house

The ladder-climbing wouldn’t have been scary if it weren’t for the fact that we were already far up on a cliff wall. The altitude makes you dizzy.

The park ranger gave us a tour of the cliff dwelling. It’s kind of amazing to think that people could scramble all over the side of the cliffs like that, and live in such tiny compartments.

kiva

leaving balcony house; adults have to turn their shoulders at the end or they get stuck!

I drove around the rest of the loop and stopped at the overlooks to see the other cliff dwellings.

cliff palace

Leaving the park, I decided to drive through Durango to see the town. It’s super-cute, and was overrun with motorcycles. Also, there was a very brief snowstorm on the way there. My first snow of the season wasn’t even in Minnesota!

The drive back to Santa Fe seemed to not take as long, despite getting stuck in long lines behind bikers. I wasn’t in a huge hurry, anyway.

sunset near ghost ranch

I got up very early again, in order to get to Bandelier National Monument right as it opened. So early, I saw the sunrise.

You have to drive through Los Alamos to get there, and you can see the lab at several points along the way, but can’t really get close to it at all.

satellite dish at los alamos national laboratory

I got to the visitor center an hour before it opened, but the park grounds were open for hiking. There was one other car in the lot, but I didn’t see another human being for at least two more hours. I felt like I had the place to myself. And as we all know, hiking alone in the middle of nowhere is SMART.

anasazi village ruins in frijoles canyon

This is tuff, a stone made of volcanic ash. It’s fairly easy to break down, which is why the native people here built cities into the sides of the canyons.

inside a cliff dwelling. the hole may have been some kind of clock.

I like any national park where they cater to my need to climb on things.

petroglyph (the rows of holes were for support beams)

former cliff dwellings

original cliff wall painting

I decided to take the Frijoles Canyon Trail back to see the ceremonial cave. It was only a mile or so more. I was a little concerned about being the only person in the park, but it wasn’t like I was going to skip it.

not a huge deal except for the fact that you’re already 7,000 feet above sea level.

I have pretty bad vertigo. I also have a serious case of determination (others call it ‘stubbornness’), and that always wins. I climbed up the many ladders to the ceremonial cave, and was there totally alone. It was an amazing feeling, except for the nagging guilt over what my mom would do if I disappeared.

ceremonial kiva

The kiva had a ladder, which obviously meant I was supposed to climb inside. The top was covered except for a small hole. I stood there and stared at it for a very long time before finally deciding I had to descend in the darkness. It was scary, but there was nothing in there but me.

from inside the kiva

I climbed safely back down and hiked back toward the visitors’ center. Once I got back near the main portion of the park, I started to see other people. I had survived!

I got back on the highway and headed south to Kasha-Katuwe Tent Rocks National Monument. It’s between Santa Fe and Albuquerque, and the entrance to the park is a ways off the interstate. The last portion of the drive is a 5-mile gravel road. The park is very new, and obviously not yet equipped with the usual facilities. The gravel was very rough and ridged, which meant I could go about 10mph at the most. I thought Cracker was going to rattle apart. It was jarring, to say the least.

There were a ton of cars in the parking lot, which surprised me, because it was so remote. There was a parking pay station and pit-toilet restrooms with no running water. It was then that I realized I had about 2 ounces of water left in my bottle, it was well over 90 degrees in the desert, and I was half an hour away from the interstate. And I thought hiking alone at Bandelier was stupid. Since the trail was only a mile long, I decided to run as much of it as I could, and hurry the hell back out of there.

i love the wildflowers in the desert.

formed when the ‘cap rock’ is of harder material than the volcanic rock underneath,
and they erode into peaks. they have these in cappadocia, too.

I rationed my water, rushed back to the car with the empty bottle, and drove out of there as fast as I could, feeling like I was going to dehydrate to death. Cracker miraculously stayed intact, and I made it back to the freeway. After ten long, painful miles, I found a rest area. I discovered that the drinking fountains and pop machine were broken, so I took my bottle into the bathroom and filled it. It was the worst-tasting water I’ve ever had, and I was pretty sure I was going to get some kind of bacterial disease. I didn’t really care.

At that point, it was still only lunchtime, so I headed back to explore Santa Fe. I’d been there once before, and loved it a lot. I stopped for lunch at a little outdoor restaurant called the Atomic Grill. After that, I wandered.

palace of the governors

st francis cathedral

the loreto, home of the ‘miraculous staircase’

san miguel mission

“ring the bell of san miguel, and you’ll be called back to santa fe.”

purported to be the oldest house in america. next to san miguel mission.

hotel la fonda, traditionally marking the end of the santa fe trail.

I did a lot of shopping on the way, necessitating more than one stop at Cracker. Man, they have a lot of great shopping in Santa Fe. In the late afternoon, I decided to head down and see more of the sights I had passed on the way through a few years back, along the turquoise trail.

chapel near golden, new mexico

I stopped to see several sights, then shopped at several cute little galleries in Madrid. I’d have stayed longer, but they were starting to shut down. On the way back northward, I pulled in to witness something that looked kind of terrifying from the road, and turned out to be even moreso than I’d imagined: TINY TOWN.

Everything in the place was broken, rusty, dangerous, creepy, or all of the above. I could’ve stayed all day being horrified, but I was convinced I was being watched. There was an old trailer parked on the site, and I could hear noises inside it. I kind of wanted to know who was the crazy genius behind Tiny Town, but mostly I did not. I was too scared to even take a photo of the trailer, lest I get a shot of the owner running out with a knife.

no kidding.

i had to leave a note, of course.

I hightailed it out of Tiny Town and drove a few miles up to Cerillos. It’s a very small town, and the main street has been used as an old west movie set more than once, most notably in Young Guns. There are signs all over the mostly-boarded-up downtown about it.

log jesus in cerillos

I drove back up to Santa Fe in time to climb up the hill to the Cross of the Martyrs to watch the sunset. It was beautiful.

On the way down the hill, there were a couple homeless guys sitting on the wall, asking people if they could have ten bucks to go get drunk. I reached in my pocket and pulled out a $10 bill and handed it to him, thinking, ‘what the hell, at least he’s honest.’ He said thanks, then looked at it and yelled, “DUDE, she actually gave us ten bucks! Let’s go!” The other guy said, “Lady, will you marry me?” I politely declined and laughed my way back to the car. They passed me a minute later, headed to the bar.

I checked out of my hotel in Santa Fe and headed back toward Albuquerque. On the way to Petroglyph National Monument, I saw many, many hot air balloons taking to the skies.

I was the first person to reach the park, and the gates to the trails was still closed. I swung by the visitor center and talked to the very friendly park ranger for a while before heading back to see petroglyphs.

cracker, alone in the parking lot.

giant creepy millipede!
Note to self: hiking in flipflops is dumb. Why do you do it when you have good hiking shoes?

I headed towards Albuquerque’s Old Town, to the National Atomic Museum, because I have a huge fascination with everything atomic-age and cold-war related. I was greeted and checked-in by the cutest old man ever, who stopped just short of giving me a personal tour.

the flag that flew at the trinity site

formed by the first atomic blast, it’s caused by the sand melting and fusing.

fat man

brick from ground zero at hiroshima

I left the museum and went to wander around Old Town until my flight. I picked up a bunch of tacky joke-souvenirs for the folks back home, and then found the greatest store on earth; it was full of Dia de los Muertos decor. Upon leaving, I had to completely repack my bag to fit it all in there.

I hopped on my plane at 2:30 that afternoon, and was happy to say goodbye to Cracker and join my homies for happy hour back home.

We awoke at 5:30am (which happily felt like sleeping in), and checked out of the hotel. We got us some Starbucks downtown, then stopped at a supermarket for the supplies we felt might be hard to come by in Denali. They were playing Don’t Stop Believin’ over the loudspeaker, just for me. I also stocked up on decongestants, because I’d stopped being able to breathe since we’d gotten to Alaska.

We were well up the Parks highway by 8:30am, passing through the few suburbs of Anchorage, and then out into what felt like the middle of nowhere. It looked kind of like northern Wisconsin for a while; pine trees, cabins, and the occasional tavern. We stopped at Montana Creek to look around and climb under the railroad trestle, then headed to Talkeetna, a little town about 15 miles off the highway. It’s reportedly the model for the town in the show “Northern Exposure”.

talkeetna mermoose

Talkeetna is ridiculously cute. It’s all outfitters, gift shops, a famous old general store, and restaurants. Everyone is friendly. We wandered around a bunch of artsy little shops, stopped to talk to Stubbs the cat, the mayor and mascot of Talkeetna (as one of the locals informed us), and walked up to see the depot where the Alaska Railroad pulls up along the Susitna River.

this tiny airport is where almost all Mount McKinley/Denali climbing expeditions begin.

stubbs!

We had lunch out on the patio at the West Rib Pub, then wandered around the town some more.

We went back out to the Parks highway and continued towards Denali. We stopped at a few overlooks in Denali State Park, where we encountered our first bear warning signs, and got our first (very limited) view of Denali.

in denali state park

my obligatory sideview photo

We reached Denali National Park around 6:30pm, and drove up to our hotel, located in the little community across the highway from the park entrance, which doesn’t even have a name; directions are given based on the mile marker on the Parks Highway.

The Denalis Crow’s Nest was spectacular. It’s a bunch of cute little cabins lining the side of Sugarloaf Mountain. Ours was on the fourth tier at the far end, with a great view of Mount Healy and the park entrance. It was set up like a rustic hotel room inside, and had a couple of chairs and little table out front on the deck. We couldn’t have picked a better place to stay.

the denali party cabin (ours is the last on the left)

We unpacked and went downstairs to the Overlook Bar and Grill for dinner. We sat on the patio drinking girly drinks from milk bottles and staring at the park. It was kind of hard to believe we were actually there. After dinner, we went up and sat on the patio, reading. We had trouble deciding when to go to bed, because the sunset never actually happened.

We woke at 6:15am. Though it had been light all night, we slept fine. I was not particularly enjoying my cocktail of decongestants, however. I didn’t feel sick otherwise, I just couldn’t breathe.

We drove into the park and followed the signs to the Wilderness Access Center. Because the buses fill up fast, you have to get their early for tickets. Thankfully, they also have a little coffee counter with breakfast food and snacks, and a decent little store with supplies. We stocked up on snacks and boarded the first bus to Kantishna, the furthest point on the park road.

Our bus driver was Mike, and he told us his wife worked as a driver, too. In the off season, they taught English in Mexico. The vehicles are old school buses fitted with seat belts and gear racks overhead; they’re not terribly comfortable for a several-hour trek, but you kind of don’t notice when you’re in the middle of such an amazing place.

The bus stops at each point along the way. A few of the stops are just for campers. Others have overlooks and very basic restroom facilities. By the time we got to Polychrome Pass, we were very cold. There’s nothing like using a pit toilet with freezing air blowing out of it.

me at the polychrome rest stop

grizzly triplets!

The bus stops for wildlife sightings, and I started to believe the description I’d originally read: a drive down the park road is like a safari. We saw several grizzly bears, moose, dall sheep, and caribou. The driver just stops in the road and everyone creeps very quietly over to one side of the bus to take pictures.

shuttles at the toklat river station

toklat river

We also learned all about glaciation and the geology of the area from our driver. That stuff makes the nerd in me very happy. I do love me some braided streams.

It was overcast all day, so we could only occasionally see bits of Mount Rainier. We were told it’s only fully visible for a few days during the summer; it’s so huge, it creates its own weather system!

wonder lake

We reached Wonder Lake at 2:15pm, and had only two hours to hike before we’d have to catch the last bus returning to the Wilderness Access Center. Wonder Lake was incredibly serene and untouched, despite the clouds of mosquitos. One thing we heard over and over about Denali? Bring heavy-duty bug spray. This advice is not to be taken lightly.

We took the McKinley Bar trail, a narrow path leading down a hill from Wonder Lake and into the basin below. We crossed a few rivers on plank bridges. We didn’t see any other humans at all, though we could occasionally hear a shuttle on the park road off in the distance. We made a point of talking loudly in case there were bears around. I had a bear bell, but it’s mostly intended to remind you to make noise.

hiking on glacial moraine: permafrost covered in grass and moss

on the mckinley bar trail

It was mindblowing, being out in the middle of nowhere like that. I’ve never felt such a sense of complete wilderness, and vulnerability; there’s no question that nature is in charge in Denali.

wonder lake: mile 85 on the park road (a 12-hour roundtrip)

We hiked back up to the bus stop to catch the last bus from Kantishna. It was driven by the crabbiest woman ever, who opened the door and shouted, “DARLENE’S BUS!” We would hear that at least 40 more times on the several-hour journey. At one point, she yelled at me because she could hear my bear bell rattling. I didn’t even hear my bear bell rattling.

denali traffic jam

Near Polychrome Pass, we came upon a grizzly bear walking alongside the road. When we stopped, he came all the way up to the door of the bus. I was standing in the front, probably 4 feet away from him. I was, in fact, a little nervous about that. Further down the road, we watched a moose family.

moose family!

It was a quicker return to the Wilderness Access Center, because we didn’t stop to see things, just to use the bathroom occasionally and to pick up hikers along the way. We got back around 9pm, which made the entire trip about 14 hours total.

We had to do some searching for dinner, and finally settled on the Nenana View Bar and Grill at the resort across the road from our party cabin. It was far too fancy a place for us to be in dirty hiking gear, but we didn’t care. We had pizzas and chatted with our awesome server from Bulgaria. When she found out we were from Minneapolis, all she could talk about was going to the Mall of America!

Monday morning, we took the park shuttle from the visitors’ center to the dog kennel, where we got to meet the dogs, and see a sled-pulling demonstration. It was kind of rainy, but the dogs were raring to go regardless. They were probably wishing for snow.

denali sled dog kennels

sled dog demonstration

We rode back to the visitors’ center and shopped (A LOT) at the store. We bought a bunch of postcards and then went to eat in the cafe there so we could fill them out. Fyi, the restaurant in the park is surprisingly good. Spectacular dining is hard to come by in that area, since your options are so limited.

We dropped our cards off at the post office, the headed over to the Horseshoe Lake Trail. It was kind of cold, but the rain gear we had was very sufficient. My waterproof jacket from REI was an excellent investment.

horseshoe lake

The mosquitoes were terrible, but we were well-protected. On the trail, we saw woodpeckers, and these strange burled trees. Even on one of the more popular trails, we hardly saw any other people.

We hiked back up to the road and drove the 14 miles down the park road to the Savage River bridge. It’s the farthest private vehicles can go into the park; after that, you have to take a shuttle bus. We headed down the trail to the north. For about a half-mile, it’s paved, and then it becomes a narrow path heading into the canyon.

savage river

glacial runoff entering the savage river

We saw tons of ground squirrels, who let us get very close so they could yell at us, and dall sheep up on the top of the surrounding hills. Glacial runoff was melting into the river, mixing clear water with silt from miles away. We hiked over shallow streams and waterfalls, occasionally wondering how the hell we were going to make it back. Also, I peed on a peak overlooking the river. I rule.

We ate lunch on the trail, then headed back to the bridge. Near the road, we encountered a family of ptarmigans. I love those birds! They’re like Alaskan quail.

We drove back up near the visitor center to see the train trestle, then went down to the station. There was a train sitting there, and we resolved immediately to return to Alaska, and travel by rail.

alaska railroad trestle

We decided to drive to Healy in search for Independence Day party supplies and food for dinner. There was a little convenience/liquor store combo on the corner of the Parks Highway, so we turned off and thought we’d drive into town to see what else was there. A few miles down the road, we realized that was all there was of the town. We turned around and stopped at the store for snacks and liquor. We then headed back to the park entrance. After checking several restaurants (all of which were insanely crowded), we decided to just go back to the same place as the previous night.

We realized that the crowds were because the cruise people had just arrived on the train. There was a long line there, too, but it wasn’t as bad as the rest. We had pizzas and devised our new travel motto: have fun, be awesome, don’t die.

Words to live by.

We got to sleep in on the 4th of July, getting up shortly before 8am to make the 9:30 bus to the Toklat River station. It was clearer, with no sign of rain for once. We called home to reassure my mom that we were alive, then went to the visitor center for coffee. The girl there remembered me, which of course meant we were already regulars.

morning fog

Our bus driver, Rich, was great. He had a story about everything, and went around the bus asking people where they were from. He talked about the moose rut and sports with equal amounts of enthusiasm.

mom and baby bear

polychrome pass

We rode to Polychrome Pass, and decided to hike from there. We talked to Rich about the routes in the area, which were all really just game trails. The paths on top of the pass were really muddy, so he suggested we grab a shuttle back to the Toklat River instead. We started hiking down the pass, being sure to talk loudly. We’d just seen bears nearby.

from polychrome pass, with glacier!

A bus came by about 20 minutes later. We flagged it down and asked to be let off at the bridge on the Toklat River. There was an Amish family on the bus, which I found immensely fascinating.

snowmelt water mixing with glacial runoff in the toklat river

We found a driveway near the bridge, and hiked down to the river. The Murie Cabin is there, and rangers use it as a research outpost. It was kind of creepy, with nails sticking out of it to keep bears from chewing their way inside.

murie cabin

Behind the cabin, there was a port-a-potty. This was a big find, obviously, because facilities are so rare, especially clean ones with toilet paper. I was freaked out at being in the middle of nowhere, though, so I left the door open and talked the whole time. It’s not like anybody was going to accidentally come across me there in the bathroom.

We hiked along the little tributaries to the river, looking for places where the ice was still packed enough to be able to walk across. We were moving pretty slowly, always keeping an eye out for animals; the rushing of the nearby river was so loud that we wouldn’t hear a bear, and it’d be unlikely to hear us. You know what’s really rattling? Knowing that you could seriously be in danger of a bear attack. That’s not something you’re often concerned about.

On the banks of the Toklat River, we sat on the stones and ate lunch. Being there is something I’ll never forget.

We walked back up to the park road, with magpies following us and yelling the whole time. We saw wild hares all over in the brush. Heading up toward Sable Pass, we entered a restricted wildlife area, which meant we had to stay on the road lest we be eaten by things. That’s how I interpreted it, at least.

notice that the sign is all chewed up by bears.

Part of the way up the pass, a bus came along, but the driver said it was out of service, and another would be along shortly. We were fine, though; the nice thing about hiking in the mountains in Alaska is it’s not like, say, the Rockies. You’re only at 4-5,000 feet, instead of 14,000. Easy! We were just constantly on the lookout for bears and wolves. Another bus finally showed up, and it was full of very tired-looking people from Wonder Lake.

The driver of that bus, Brad, was talking about some of the other sights in Alaska. The one that excited me most, and the main one I intend to go back for, is the Valley of 10,000 Smokes. It’s a valley that’s buried in 700 feet of ash from a volcanic eruption, and you can hike in it.

We got back to the WAC around 5pm, had dinner at the visitors’ center, did some souvenir shopping, and then decided to drive back along the park road to see if we could find any more animals. Not only did the sun come out briefly, we saw a wolf! We turned around at the Savage River and headed back to the park entrance, stopping at the mercantile for breakfast supplies for our drive back to “civilization”.

i thought this was far funnier than stephanie did.

at the park exit

We went to our cabin to celebrate the 4th of July on the deck with the beverages we’d acquired in Healy. We realized that fireworks wouldn’t really work very well in Alaska that time of year, because it doesn’t get dark.

We were in bed by 10, but I set the alarm and got up at 2am to get this picture:

2am in denali on the 4th of july

You don’t really have trouble sleeping when you’ve been wandering in the wilderness all day, however.

We got up, checked out of our awesome party cabin, and headed back south. We saw a moose crossing the highway with two babies along the way. Traffic sucked in Wasilla, so we got to Anchorage around 1pm.

the igloo

We stopped for food and a memory card for my camera (apparently Denali is photoworthy?), then continued toward the Kenai Peninsula around two.

leaving anchorage: turnagain arm

The highway takes you along Turnagain Arm, part of Cook Inlet, then heads south. The landscape changes quickly; it’s all bridges and streams, and mountains covered in pine trees. The rivers were turquoise, and reminded me of Montana.

canyon creek

kenai lake

sideview: kenai peninsula

It also became very clear and sunny for the first time since we’d gotten to Alaska! We stopped a few times along the way to look at lakes and mountains, then reached Seward and checked into our hotel around 4pm.

small boat harbor, seward

One of the very awesome things about Seward is that everything is walking distance. We went down to the harbor and wandered in and out of the shops.

tsunami!

There were a bunch of fisherman on the docks, butchering fish. As they removed the heads and innards, they’d drop them through a hole in the pier into a waiting barge. The barge would take them out into Resurrection Bay and dump the guts; it was pretty much the seagulls’ best day ever.

The only way I could even stand being around the shark heads was by looking at them through the viewfinder. Shudder.

a barge full of fish heads and guts

seward harbor

We went all the way out onto the breakwater, then decided to head into the cute little downtown. I loved Seward immediately.

downtown seward

puffin!

As we wandered, my head began to hurt worse and worse. I realized that I was extremely dehydrated, so we stopped into an ice cream shop for water. We decided to go back to the hotel and drive to the store for food, because neither of us felt like dining in another restaurant that night. We got monstrous salads at the Safeway, and had dinner on our beds at 9pm. I was asleep by 10.

memorial to the kid who created the state flag.

We walked down to the harbor from our hotel, checked in for our Kenai Fjords cruise, and went to a nearby bakery for oatmeal and coffee. We had some time to kill before the boat left, so we shopped. I fell in love with Helly Hansen, and bought a bag I’m still using for my overnight gear every day.

We had assigned seats on the boat, and were paired with an Indian couple from San Francisco who were fascinating. Right as we left the harbor, we had our first wildlife encounter: otters gettin’ it on in the water.

sea otter lovin’

sexy in raingear

The ship took us out of Resurrection Bay and into the Gulf of Alaska. We’d taken Dramamine because of the many warnings to do so, but I felt we probably didn’t need it. It wasn’t rough at all, just very damp and cold. In the gulf, we saw whales!

whale spout

We then headed into Aialik Bay to see the glaciers. The water was an amazing color, more like what we’d seen in the Caribbean. I didn’t expect that in Alaska.

three-hole point (supposedly the most-photographed item in alaska)

holgate glacier

Seeing glaciers up close was nothing short of mindblowing. We were still a half-mile away from it, but it seemed like we were right up close. It’s just a gigantic, blue wall of ice, and it thunders. I couldn’t believe it. Something else I didn’t expect? That we’d actually see it calve. It happened several times while we sat there watching; once it sent huge splashed up in the air and rocked the boat quite a bit.

holgate glacier calving

The water was full of ice chunks from other pieces breaking off, too. Some of them looked like little icebergs floating around.

We left Aialik Bay and headed out to the Chiswell Islands, part of the Alaska Maritime National Wildlife Refuge. To me, this meant one thing: PUFFINS. I’d seen them floating around in the water, but hadn’t seen them up close yet.

chiswell islands

sea stars

PUFFINS!

We hung out watching the puffins for a while, then went around to another island to see seal lions. They’re pretty much just like my cats: lazy and noisy.

sea lions

gulf of alaska

We had dinner on the way back, and spent a lot of time chatting with our tablemates. On the trip, we’d seen a ton of wildlife: baleen whales, humpback whales, porpoises, puffins, cormorants, bald eagles, a black bear, sea lions, harbor seals, and otters. Honestly, the puffins affected me more than the whales. I just like them a lot.

We got back to Seward Harbor around 7:30pm, and the sun was still shining. We walked back to the hotel, then downtown, and decided on Christo’s Palace for dinner. We had pizza and a couple blue glacier martinis, which turned out to be very strong. I giggled the whole way back to the hotel.

We got up early on Friday, went to Safeway for the essential caffeinated beverages, and headed over to the other side of the Kenai Peninsula. We drove through Soldotna, which was a fairly large town for the area, and headed up to see Kenai. It was very run-down, but the buildings were amazing. I loved the Russian Orthodox churches, and the shoreline.

russian orthodox church in kenai

We went back to wander around Soldotna for a while. The visitor’s center was really cute, and we learned all about salmon fishing. We shopped at the little mall, then went to Charlotte’s Cafe for lunch. They only had 4 things on the menu, and all of them looked amazing. I loved our server a lot. Come to think of it, everyone in Alaska was ridiculously friendly.

We drove back toward Seward, stopping a hundred times along the way to take photos. The tiny town of Cooper Landing was my favorite. We then headed up the road toward Exit Glacier, another portion of Kenai Fjords National Park.

the road to exit glacier

exit glacier

This time, instead of taking a boat to see a glacier, we could actually walk up to it. If you get there early enough in the day, you can take an hours-long ranger-led hike onto the glacier and ice fields themselves. We had decided to save the crampons til next time; we wanted to see as many things as possible.

We hiked up to the overlook, then down to the river below. We were well-acquainted with glacial geology by then, because we’re nerds. For once, it was actually warm outside!

sign marking the glacier’s location in 1926. it’s at least half a mile from there now.

We did a lot of hiking in the river valley, spent some time at the visitors’ center, then headed back into Seward around dinnertime.

We had dinner at Yoly’s Bistro, then went to stock up on souvenirs at the many, many shops downtown. Laden with bags, we ended up at the ice cream shop. I got a coffee there, and yet somehow still managed to crash around 10:30, to the sound of a cruise ship pulling out of the harbor.

I got up at 7 and felt like maybe I had already adjusted to the time change. Stephanie and her sunburn (which was substantial enough to constitute another entity) got up and we headed off down “Highway” 19 (highways in Hawaii are something entirely different than in the rest of the universe. They could conceivably term a cattle track a highway, from what I saw there.) We were in search of food, and soon discovered nothing was open, not even the coffeeshops. The whole town of Honaunau was without power. We finally found a grocery store in Oceanview, and bought fruit and snacks. In the midst of the lava-dust parking lot, they were hosting some kind of weird outdoor flea market thing, with fruits I’d never seen before.

old lava flows

The Kona Coast is all trees, ferns, flowers, and coffee farms. About 40 miles to the south, the lava fields begin. The first time I saw them, I wondered why all the earth was plowed up like that. It looked like a freshly-tilled field in Wisconsin, only with scrubby plants. The colors range from brown to grey to black. I thought it was what it must look like on the moon.

We drove through a cute little town with a classic car parade and a giant sea turtle painted on the roof of the main building, very close to the southernmost point in the US. We stopped to see a black-sand beach along the south coast of the Big Island; it was incredible. The sand is very gravelly and hard to walk on until you’re close to the water, and then it’s fine and powdery and warm from the sun. We climbed over lava flows and watched black and red crabs scrabbling over the rocks. I was really smart and wore flip-flops to do this. Also, we very quickly discovered that one cannot spend a single moment outside in Hawaii without sunscreen. Within 10 minutes, I could feel my nose burning.

We got to Volcanoes National Park, made the obligatory stop at the visitors’ center to pee and see if the rangers were hot, then set off for some hiking. We saw steam vents, which made walking around in the heat extremely unpleasant, and then the sulfur vents like one sees at Yellowstone.

steam vent

sulfur banks

kilauea crater

offerings to pele

We saw the crater at a couple different overlooks, then spent time walking around the gravelly lava rock. I was fascinated by these piles of rocks I saw everywhere; at first I thought they were trail markers, but there were way too many. I still can’t figure out what they were about, but I fell in love with them.

We hiked up Devastation Trail to the other big crater, then toured the Thurston lava tube. The lava tube portion of the park was the first real rain-foresty environment I’d ever seen in my life. It was amazing.

devastation trail

kali-kilauea crater

thurston lava tube

By 2pm, we were exhausted from the hiking and not having much to eat. We decided to drive to Hilo, which was the opposite direction from our hotel, and the other “big” city on the island. It was probably the lack of food that made us extremely cranky, but we were immensely pissed off at Hilo. We couldn’t find the downtown. We could only locate fast food and Wal-Mart and a crappy mall. We drove in circles until finally the guidebook led us to the Hilo Bay Cafe, one I had originally chosen.

The food was excellent, and we were both reminded of Real Food Daily in L.A. at the exact same time. Our faith in Hilo was restored.

We asked our server girl if it would be faster to take the loop around the top of the island from Hilo back to Kona, becase it seemed it might be quicker that way (technically, there’s the Saddle Road that cuts across the middle of the island, but apparently it’s only passable half the time). She said it was a nicer drive to go that way, so we did. On the way out, we discovered the real downtown Hilo, and our faith was doubly-restored. It wasn’t the industrial, boring city I had read about at all. It had a cute little downtown, an awesome farmer’s market, and a natural foods store where I stocked up on healthy treats like a crazy person.

Eleven miles north of Hilo, we turned off to see Akaka Falls. The route led us through a tiny town of maybe six buildings, with a very cute cafe where we stopped for coffee. We drove up the hill through bamboo farms, then hiked in to Kahuna Falls, then Akaka Falls.

akaka falls

This was even more rainforest than it had been at the national park. I couldn’t get over it. Monstrous trees, ferns, and dangling vines everywhere. It was so humid it was painful to breathe. It had its own little local rainshower.

It seemed as if there were hundreds of birds singing in the trees, but I couldn’t get a glimpse of them at all. It was beautiful.

We drove up the coast over valleys, each with their own waterfall. Near Waimea, we took the exit and drove up to see the Waipio Valley, along the north coast. The travel guide warned us three times to not drive Captain Cook down into the valley, as he would likely never come out. Just the walk to the overlook was so steep I was worried about falling down the hill. We got to see the sun starting to set over the ocean.

waipio valley

We drove back to Kailua in the dark, which pretty much sucks on those Hawaiian “highways”. We decided to give in to the ridiculous touristy aura of the tiny main drag in Kona, which was all bars and restaurants on second-floor decks over ABC Stores and the like. We went to Lulu’s, because the book said they were offbeat and their servers had horrible attitudes; it screamed Luce to me. Of course, no place can ever be Luce but the real thing. The main lesson of the night was do not make eye contact with drunk guys at any cost!

But the nachos were awesome.

We arose mas early, got coffee, and headed back to Volcanoes National Park. Stephanie made the drive in about 2 hours, which is remarkable; it’s only 90 miles, but then it’s also Hawaii. We took Chain of Craters Road 20 miles down to the southern coast, where Kilauea is still actively producing lava.

On the way, I called the 800 number to get the lava update. They tell you where red lava was last sighted in the park, and give you about a million safety precautions. You drive down to the ranger station at the end of the road (it used to be a much longer road until it was buried in lava), you hike in a half-mile, and then you start climbing. They tell you to come fully prepared for a hardcore hike, and not to even think about it if you’re any kind of pussy.

The park ranger at the station explained to us where the lava was sighted: they had four beacons set up, three following the coast to mark the do-not-cross-or-fall-in-the-ocean-and-die line, and then the fourth inland near the furthest reaches of the safety zone. He said the lava could be found somewhere around the 3rd and 4th beacons, somewhat inland. We set off on the hike.

I’m having a very hard time explaining the hike through the lava field. It was like nothing I’d ever seen before, and nothing I ever expected to see in my lifetime. It was the most surreal, barren, and beautiful landscape. It makes me cry to think about it now; it was completely unbelievable.

lava spilling into the pacific

As we climbed lava hills along the coast, we could see the steam plume rising from the ocean. We had been warned that the vapor from the plume contained hydrochloric acid and bits of lava glass. To get out to the fourth beacon, however, you kind of have to spend some time near the plume. It made me nervous.

The route out to the first beacon was marked with little glow-in-the-dark tabs to lead the way. People hike the route at night, because it’s easier to see the red lava. (Having done that hike during the day, I think anyone who does it at night is either insane or suicidal.) Once you get there, you’re on your own… you know the general direction of the beacon, but it’s way too far away to see it. You just walk and hope to find it. We managed to find 2, then completely missed 3 somewhere near the coast. As we were about to collapse from fear of being lost in the lava field, we found 4, and took triumphant photos with it (involving rock hands, as usual).

pahoehoe

I was pretty worried at that point about the steam plume. I licked my lips and had the most horrible taste in my mouth. In addition, the lava out that far was a lot less stable. There were big collapsed holes where gas bubbles had burst. I’d walk over areas that were much, much hotter than the rest. We knew there had to be fresh stuff nearby, but didn’t know how much longer we should be out there. Finally, we saw a couple walking back from much farther out; they said they saw some red rocks about 45 minutes away, but no flowing lava or anything. We didn’t want to die and were running low on water, so we decided to head back. It was a hell of a long hike, and it was hot.

fresh lava – still glass

Halfway back to the ranger station, Stephanie slipped and slid down onto a rock. Well, lava being like glass, it did some damage. She had blood running down the back of her leg like crazy. We did our best to clean it up with Kleenex, and she had to limp the last couple miles back to the ranger station. By the time we got there, we were out of water, covered in this strange volcano dust probably consisting mostly of acid, and exhausted.

We went to Volcano Village and found nothing of use, so we drove into Hilo for supplies to patch her up. We then drove back around the top of the island (which is now known as the ‘fast route’), and arrived in the Kona area around six.

We drove south 20 miles or so to the national historic park of Puuhonua o Honaunau. It had been a sacred site and place of refuge in the 16th century for warriors and people who had violated kapu (taboo). [Note: kapu quickly became one of our favorite words of all time.]

the big’un was about 6″ long.

We arrived at the perfect time. The sun was starting to set, and the place was beautiful and serene. It was a salt-and-pepper sand beach around an inlet, with ceremonial huts and tiki idols. We climbed on the lava rock amongst tidepools and and looked for sea turtles.

puuhonua o honaunau

We both spent time wandering around by ourselves, and I felt like it was one of the most perfect, calming places I’d ever been. I took almost 40 photos there, just trying to capture it.

We stood with the tiki statues at the mouth of the little inlet and watched the sun disappear into the ocean. It’s a place and time I’ll never forget.

After dark, we drove back to Kona Town and the touristy strip again for dinner. This time it was enchiladas at a Mexican place. I realized as I was sitting there overlooking the street that I had become completely accustomed to that constantly-sticky feeling one gets from excessive heat and humidity. It’s something that drives me crazy at home, but in Hawaii it just seemed to fit.

We stopped for picnic fare at Down To Earth and headed up the side of Haleakala. The route between Kahului and the volcano takes you through upcountry Maui, which is another term for ‘Wyoming’. It’s truly bizarre to see cactus and cattle farms in the middle of a tropical island.

It’s a 25-mile drive up the side of the mountain, and we encountered several bike tours coming down. People pack in vans and shuttle to the top of the volcano to see the sunrise, then get outfitted with bicycles and ride down. Seeing those guides, I seriously considered the possibility of moving there and taking up that career. Damn web development for being so lucrative.

silversword

We drove up to the summit, at over 10,000 feet. It took me a few minutes to lose the altitude-dizziness. From the top, you can see 360 degrees around the whole island; the West Maui mountains, the valley in the middle, Lanai, Molokai, Molokini, and even the Big Island far off in the distance. I was cold in my hoodie and capris, but figured I’d warm up while hiking.

We saw the extremely rare silversword plant, which can take up to 50 years to bloom, and is only found on Hawaii. The leaves are truly silver. We were glad to see a single plant in full bloom.

haleakala

We drove down a little ways to the vistor center and trailhead. Both of our travel guides had advised us to avoid the Sliding Sands Trail, but we’re not always great at resisting a challenge.

sliding sands trail

One can take the trail all the way across the park; it’s a two-day hike, so most people pack camping equipment. We just wanted to go down into the crater, so we brought our food and tons of water (having learned from the last volcanic adventure). We had warm clothes and even a first-aid kit.

The first part of the trail, we had to pick our way around horse poop, so the beginning of the hike was alarmingly stinky. Descending into the crater, the trail was fine volcanic gravel and dust, just slightly less difficult than walking on sand. I had the sense that if I stepped off the trail, I would go sliding down the steep hill into a crater and never be seen again.

The thing I like about this kind of adventure (i.e. the kind of thing not everyone in the world gets to experience) is how other people act when you encounter them. Everyone says hi. Everyone is friendly. Everyone wants to talk about what they’ve seen just a mile down the path, or to encourage you with ‘you’re almost there!’ When a pack of horse-riders passed going uphill, every single person greeted us. It’s something you don’t see very often, which is sad.

cheaters!

We walked and walked and sometimes slid our way down the trail, constantly aware that the climb back up was infinitely harder, and supposed to take twice as long. After about three miles, we decided we should probably start heading back. We only had so much water. As we decreased in altitude, it had warmed up somewhat.

above the clouds

The climb back up was brutal. I discovered that if I walked at my usual hiking pace, I’d be painfully out of breath within a matter of 20 paces. It was a combination of the altitude, the steepness of the climb, and the fact that it was like walking on sand. I finally figured out that if I climbed really slowly, at a very constant pace, I could focus on keeping my breathing regular and not feel like I was about to have a stroke.

It’s a lot easier for me to keep moving constantly than stop and rest at regular intervals, so I’d do as long a walk as I could manage, then stop and wait. I noticed that even the people who appeared to be really seasoned hikers, totally tricked out with all the right gear and walking poles, were still moving at a snail’s pace up the mountain. That made me feel a lot better about the fitness I was starting to question. It was one of the most physically demanding things I’d ever done, second only to the Breast Cancer 3Day.

more of those stone-stacks

It was fascinating to see the differences between Haleakala and Kilauea. We had walked on new lava — not just new in terms of geologic time, but fresh lava, still cooling. The terrain around Haleakala was completely different, having had eons to weather. Half of the Big Island still looks very much volcanic, with little vegetation, and huge fields of lava. Everything except the actual crater is fairly overgrown on Maui, and the lava flows in the ocean are eroded into sharp rocks forming tidepools along the shore.

no spectre of the brocken

We were pleasantly surprised to actually survive that hike. We dragged ourselves back to the parking lot, and changed into more comfortable, not-lava-filled shoes at the car. I squatted to stretch my thighs, pulling my arms up behind me, and promptly got a massive cramp between my collarbones, something I’ve never had the joy of experiencing before. We washed volcano dust off our faces and arms in the bathroom, then drove back down the mountain to the another overlook.

The Leleiwi Overlook is one of three places on the planet (the others are in Scotland and Germany) where the Spectre of the Brocken can sometimes be witnessed. If the clouds roll into the crater valley close to sunset, you can sometimes see your gigantic shadow on them, surrounded by a rainbow.

i’m convinced nene are a myth.

We drove back down to Kahului, and went to check out Queen Kaahumanu Center, the big mall that was described in the book as looking like something out of Star Wars. We had trouble with the name, so we just called it Queen Kamehameha Center. Stephanie had a fascination with Hawaiian Macy’s; I expressed my feelings by suddenly having an overwhelming need to vomit, presumably from having eating vegetable chips an hour before. I’ve never rushed through a store to the bathrooms so quickly. That was some excitement I surely didn’t need.

i take this photo on every vacation. unsexy hiking hair.

The mall was, well, eh. It did have a cool futuristic canopy-thing, but the stores were traditional and, on reflection, I believe it was absolutely lacking in ABC Stores, which explains a lot. It didn’t have any decent restaurants, either, so we came up with another plan: we’d go back to Lahaina. We’d been joking constantly about Cheeseburger in Paradise since we’d first seen it, because I assumed from the name that it was another Jimmy Buffett restaurant like Margaritaville, which fills me with rage for no good reason except for the whole parrothead thing. But we knew they had two kinds of gardenburger there, and some goofy touristy entertainment on that order is always amusing. (Later we found out it had nothing to do with Jimmy Buffett at all except for the name. Whew.)

the a-frame hotel

We stopped at the hotel to shower first, because we were nasty. I didn’t even realize how filthy I was until I scrubbed and scrubbed and still managed to get black dirt all over the towel when I dried off. There was volcano dust in our eyes, ears, and noses. Yuck.

For the big Cheeseburger moment, I decided to wear a skirt. This probably amuses only me, but it was funny. We drove to Lahaina and waited in line outside along the ocean for half an hour, eavesdropping on the very very annoying east-coast family, praying we wouldn’t have to sit near them. We ended up seated at a shared table between a group of four who did a lot of staring but not talking, and a couple who talked a lot.

They were from Philadelphia, and were supposed to have arrived in Maui two days before, but had instead gotten in the previous night. They told us the horror story of their flight: layover in New York, layover in Texas, emergency landing for a sick passenger in Phoenix, long refueling, then finally reaching Maui. The girl told us she was terrified of flying, and actually screamed when they encountered turbulence. All of a sudden, I didn’t mind our hour-long delay at all. (Not that it made me hate Northwest Airlines any less).

We had dinner and talked to them for a long time afterward. On the way back to Kahului, we stopped at the overlook to see the stars. They were unbelievable. We could clearly see the Milky Way, and were able to pick out constellations we wouldn’t see that time of year in the north. I saw two shooting stars, three planets, and some airplanes I tried to convince Stephanie were really slow-moving comets. We went back to the hotel, packed our bags, and I showered again to remove the rest of Haleakala from my hair.