Houseguest

Dear Friends: Alex is arriving in the Twin Cities this very afternoon. We can’t wait to see him again: alex: I really look forward to hanging out with you guysme: you have medical insurance, right? We’re having a big welcome dinner tonight at Chino Latino. 7:30. Stop by if you can. Jenni

Birthday Triple-Play

To Daniel, Stephanie, and Escobar Sanchez: My wish for all of you today: May your days always be sunny, may your gas tank always be full, and may wearing pants always be optional. Happy Birthday!Jenni

Cock. And more cock.

Dear Friends: I haven’t been to the state fair in years. And even when I did go, it was for work, not entertainment. It was pure, unadulterated hell selling theatre tickets to fairgoers back in the day. We passed the time by inventing a scavenger hunt game. You got points for spotting and pointing out certain characteristics. For example: Banana ...

Peanut, R.I.P.

Dear Peanut II: Goodbye, little friend. You weren’t a good cellphone by any stretch of the imagination, but you were cute, and I hear that looks are what counts. I traded you in in favor of the new Nokia, which is different than the classic Nokias in that it features fewer buttons (who needed all those numbers, anyway?), and also, ...