We got up very early Friday morning and drove over to Matt’s work. Since it was painfully cold outside, he dropped me off at the Park N Go building and went to park the car in the ramp. I went in to get us a couple spots on an outgoing shuttle (his work has an arrangement with Park N Go that lets us ride their shuttles for free, which is awesome), and it picked us up and headed to the airport.

The line for the bag drop at US Air was terrible, and I was worried we’d have to go through regular security since our Precheck numbers weren’t on our boarding passes. The desk agent was able to sort that out and reprint them, but then we discovered that the line at Precheck was super-long, too. We stopped to get coffee, and arrived at the gate to find the flight in the middle of boarding. We got on and headed to our very own two-seat exit row, which was very convenient.

We knew that Kris and Orsi and their kids were there somewhere, too, but we didn’t see them on the flight. They boarded a while later, and apparently we’d totally missed them waiting at the gate.

We landed in Charlotte a couple hours later, and met at the brewpub by our gate. Kris gave us the Jamaican cash he’d picked up for us at the bank. It sure looked like a lot of money. (This is $400 US.)

We had snacks and beer and then boarded the next flight to Montego Bay. Matt and I had another 2-seat row, this time with a chatty flight attendant in the jump seat.

We landed in Mobay a little late, customs forms in hand. There was one lady standing in the hallway checking every single customs form, which led to a huge messy crowd of people from the flight standing around. Once we got past her, we went to stand in the always-long customs and immigration lines. At least it wasn’t quite as hot in there as usual, and since I was carrying flipflops in my bag I was able to change to something not quite as warm.

We eventually made it through passport control, then stood in another long line for customs. Finally, we were in Jamaica. We found Kris and Orsi hanging out with the bags. We picked up snacks and a bunch of Red Stripes and Dragon Stout for the road, and found our driver waiting for us. (Their friends in Negril had arranged a driver for us, for only $20/person. That was awesome.) We piled in the van and were on our way.

Well, sort of. Traffic was godawful in Mobay, partly due to a cruise ship in port. It took us close to an hour to get out of town.

I did get to see this giant sugarcane truck along the way, though. Future rum! I hope it was going to Appleton.

The kids were bored on the long ride, and food only occupied them for a while. We finished all our beers halfway through the trip, too. We had to stop to use the bathroom and resupply our beverages, the drive was taking so long.

Our flight had landed just after noon, but we didn’t make it to Negril until sunset. It’s usually a 90-minute drive!

We arrived at Samsara, and checked into our rooms. The guy at the front desk told me and Matt that we’d be staying in one room for a night, and then transferring to our actual room for a week, and we were fine with that. We didn’t realize until the porter started leading us there that our single-night room was one of their awesome stilt houses overlooking the ocean!! I’d wanted to stay in one of those, so we were thrilled at the opportunity.

The room was fairly small, taken up almost entirely by the king-size bed and giant wardrobe, but it was great. The wind was blowing like crazy, so it didn’t matter that there wasn’t an air conditioner. (The overhead fan helped, too.) There was a bathroom with a sink and toilet on the same level as the room, but the shower was downstairs. There was also a decent-sized balcony from which you could see the ocean and the entire hotel property. (Not well since it was nighttime, but still.)

Once we were settled in, we met up with Kris and Orsi and headed down the road to No Limit, our bar-away-from-home. It was so great to be back.

They ordered food from Tony, who had a huge grill set up in the parking lot outside. He didn’t have any rice and peas left, so Orsi and I walked down to Pablo’s to get a carry-out order. It wasn’t the best thing I’d ever eaten, but as I’d learned on previous visits to Jamaica, vegetarians can’t be picky there.

No Limit had cricket on TV, so Matt and Kris decided to teach the kids how to play. They used a broken mop handle as a bat, and plastic cups from the bar as the ball. It seemed to work OK for them.

After hanging around there for a couple hours and greeting all the regulars, we headed back to the hotel. It was really clear out, so we went and sat on a low wall by the ocean, as far away as possible from the lights. We spent a long time picking out constellations, and then it was time to head to bed in our stilt house.

The ocean was pretty rough due to wind, and I woke up halfway through the night thinking I was going to freeze to death. I had to get up and close the windows, even. Who knew you could be cold in Jamaica?

In the morning, we agreed that our stilt house was indeed awesome. I felt like not having A/C in there would be fine no matter what the weather was like. It was noisy in the wind, but that’s always the case along the ocean. Look how cute this place is!!

From the balcony, you can see both pools. That’s Seven Mile Beach in the distance, too.

The sea was pretty rough that day, splashing up over the cliffs. It was gorgeous outside, though. Jamaica makes it easy to forget that it’s winter in Minnesota.

I was beyond thrilled with the shower, too. It’s basically outside. I’m glad they supplied robes, too, so I didn’t have to get dressed to go down there.

Sadly, we had to leave our awesome stilt house that day. We carried the bags downstairs and left them at the front desk while we went to get breakfast.

Here’s the section of road we end up walking along 5,000 times in Negril. It’s the route between our hotel, Lance’s convenience store, and No Limit (in the center of the photo). There are a few other shops and restaurants along the way, too.

We walked down to Jenny’s Cakes for breakfast. The kids had slices of cake, and the adults had the typical Jamaican breakfast of saltfish and ackee, festival, callalloo, and boiled bananas (I had a callalloo sandwich). They have a great little patio, and the restaurant/bar is country-western themed, for some strange reason.

On the way back, we stopped into Peewee’s, across the street from No Limit, and checked out the ocean. It was still really windy, and Peewee’s had a tarp around its giant tiki hut bar.

That castle down the way is fascinating. I want to see inside.

We went back to the hotel and went to hang out at the pool for a few hours. We alternated between the big pool, which had a giant floating ring with a Sandals logo on it and cupholders, and the wading pool where we’d mostly sit on the edge and drink beers while the kids played.

Later on, we took a cab to the Canoe Bar for happy hour (where we had two-for-one Dirty Bananas), and then went to have a late lunch around 4pm at the German Bar (which is past the castle along the road). I hadn’t been there before, but instantly liked it. It’s decorated with shells and coral, has a huge thatched roof, and they serve really excellent rectangular pizzas (in addition to traditional German food).

After lunch, we walked back and hung out on the patio at the hotel. Once our room was ready, we rolled our bags down there and got settled in. We had an air-conditioned room this time, with a patio that overlooked the pool and hot tub. It was much bigger than the stilt house, but I think I’d still have rather been there.

We dropped the kids off with Nav and Byron, their babysitters for the evening. It was Valentine’s Day, and Matt and Kris had big plans for us. Apart from the fact that we were going to Pushcart for dinner, Orsi and I had no idea what was in store. We sat on the patio watching the sunset while they got ready.

And then there was this.

Kris’ mom is a seamstress, and had made their outfits by hand. Matt didn’t even know what he was getting; Kris had just demanded his measurements and told him he’d take care of it. They were a hit at the hotel bar.

We took a cab down to Pushcart, and were seated at the bar for dinner. The servers and bartenders couldn’t stop laughing about their outfits. Some tourist ladies came up and congratulated Orsi and I on getting our husbands to dress up like that; we told them that was all their doing, not ours!

Dinner at Pushcart was as good as it was on our first visit. I had ackee patties and the bushman stew, which was vegan (and way too filling to even eat half of). Matt had pepper shrimp soup, jerk skewers, and braised oxtail. The cocktails were great, too. Before we left, the dudes had to go get their picture taken with Gregory Isaacs. I think it turned out pretty well:

We took a cab back to No Limit and collected the kids. Matt and Kris and I walked over to Peewee’s for a rum punch. They got a long talking-to about the difference between bussin’ and boastin’, and god knows what else that was somehow related to their outfits. The dress-up bit seemed to make a lot of Jamaicans really profoundly uncomfortable, as if it might mean they were gay. (It’s an incredibly homophobic country, which is probably the biggest downside to Jamaica.) It was pretty hilarious.

We got up at 6 and drove to the park-and-ride lot south of the airport. My parents were picking up my car so we didn’t have to worry about it being towed in a snow emergency, but I didn’t want to make them get up so early. I emailed them the location, and we headed to the light rail. It was freezing, but there was no way we were bringing winter jackets to Jamaica… I had sandals with wool socks, a hoodie over a tshirt, and jeans that I could roll up when we arrived. Also, the all-important flipflops in the carry-on.

We took advantage of the Medallion bag drop-off, which was very fast. The airport was really busy already with all the cruise passengers heading to Florida. I had to check both bags in my name, because for some reason Delta doesn’t think Jamaica qualifies as an international flight. We went through security quickly, and then headed to meet Kris, Orsi, and the kids at French Meadow for breakfast. Since we were already on vacation, we celebrated with mimosas.

We headed to the gate after an hour or so. I changed into flipflops, rolled my jeans up, and boarded the plane. I was READY for Jamaica.

We had exit row seats, and Matt took the window (which meant I got it on the way back). I knitted, did sudoku, ate the sandwiches we’d prepared for lunch, and chatted with the guy next to us. It was his first time in Jamaica, and he seemed really wary of the whole idea. His wife insisted on it, though. He also couldn’t believe we were going for 11 days. He told me they were staying at the Grand Palladium, which was basically the opposite of what we were doing. It looked incredibly fancy, but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a whole lot of actual Jamaica there.

We landed in Montego Bay around 2:30, and went to stand in the gigantic line for customs and immigration. (Note: when Delta tells you to fill out one form per family, don’t believe them. Jamaica requires one per person, unlike the US.) Kris and Orsi got to go ahead with the kids, so we watched them wistfully as they headed to the front of the line. The room was way too warm, and I was dying for water.

We finally got past the crabby immigration lady, and went to pick up our bags. Customs was easy, and from there we headed into the room full of shuttle company booths. K&O had pre-arranged a shuttle, so we paid cash ($50 each roundtrip, which wasn’t bad at all) to get on the bus with them. Orsi and I boarded with the kids and the bags, and Kris and Matt headed to the open-air bar to buy beer for the journey – this is ESSENTIAL, don’t forget it! – as well as patties, a spice bun, and coco bread. The driver, Junior, was excited that Kris had picked up Dragon Stout instead of Red Stripe.

Our busmates were two girls who seemed a little too proper to be going to Negril (we talked to them a bit, and they were at least funny), and a bunch of Iowans in the back, including an old guy in a “co-ed naked tanning” tshirt. The Iowans were all pretty quiet, and also jealous of our beer. It was raining in MoBay, but quickly cleared up as we left town.

We made the usual stop halfway to Negril so that we could supply our every need (i.e. beer, snacks, and weed for those who wanted it). The Iowans stocked up on something like 300 beers. I got drinks for the four of us, and we all piled back on the bus. Junior pointed out a bunch of interesting things along the way, and had details about all the towns we were passing through. We saw a ton of Jamaican goats and roosters, but didn’t expect to see camels – apparently they’d added them as an attraction at the Dolphin Encounter. We also passed the Grand Palladium, a gigantic sprawling walled resort in the middle of nowhere.

The farther we got, the more beer bottles we heard rolling around in the back of the shuttle, and the more boisterous the Iowans got. We were pretty sure they managed to down all 300 of those beers on the hour-long ride. We got to Negril, and dropped the uptight girls at Riu Palace, one of the fancy all-inclusives at the far end of the beach. We were not at all surprised they were staying there. We then dropped the Iowans at their hotel on the beach, and helped Junior clean up all the beer bottles rolling around. (He had told the Iowans to leave them, since they’re returnable.) Next it was our turn, so we headed up the cliffs to Samsara.

K&O have stayed there on their anniversary every year for six years. We figured we’d stay with them for part of the trip, then go down to Samsara’s sister hotel on the beach. The idea of not staying on the beach at all didn’t sit that well with us, though we’d later learn that it wasn’t as big a problem as we suspected.

The doorman, Michael, greeted them excitedly as we arrived, and they introduced us to him. We checked in, and headed to our room. I instantly fell in love with the place; one side of it is a series of bungalows attached together in pairs, and there are four or five small bungalows on stilts facing the ocean. Each of them had a two-person swing underneath, and their own recliners. Matt and I had a bungalow in the back corner of the property, with two hammocks out front on the porch. It was a huge room with two beds, and octagon-shaped. The bathroom was also large, with a step-down shower stall. We were a little worried about the lack of A/C, but it turned out that the open windows and ceiling fan made it very comfortable at night.

We unpacked a bit, then headed to Kris and Orsi’s room to meet them. They had a room facing the pool (which did have A/C, so we’ll consider that next time). They had already greeted half the hotel (it’s the kind of place where the same people visit at the same time every year), so we left the property and headed down the road to Kris’ favorite bar on earth, No Limit. We’d tried to find it on our previous visit, but were unsuccessful.

They had also been going there every year, and had become friends with the owners, Byron and Nav. Nav is a teacher, and the kids love hanging out with her. They would often stay and hang out with Nav while the adults went to dinner or sat at the bar. Kris introduced us to them, and I ordered a Red Stripe from Byron. Matt asked for white rum, and ended up with Appleton and Pepsi instead. Americans don’t tend to drink the overproof, apparently.

The place was tiny… the bar sat maybe eight, with a couple of small tables in the corner. There were the traditional Jamaican icons framed all over the place, overproof ads with near-naked women, and also Tupac. That made us instantly love it.

There was a domino table out front with a group of locals playing, and it’s so close to the street that the person in the outside chair has to watch for traffic.

The bar back was fantastic, too. Also, Kris told Byron the place looked bigger, and he explained that he had built out EACH END of the bar by a few feet on either side. Byron apparently loves his construction projects.

No Limit is also home to Ziggy, the angriest parrot in Jamaica. He lives in a cage out behind the bar, and during the day hangs out in the tree near his home. Late in the afternoon, he climbs to the top branches and screeches his head off. Byron said there are some wild (well, released) parrots who live in Negril, so he’s just calling to his friends.

Kris went outside to see Tony, the guy with a resident oil-drum grill, and ordered fish and chicken. We went next door to the convenience store (Lance’s), and got plantain chips and a cheese bun for me. We sat around drinking and waiting for the jerk to be ready, because it took half an hour or so. Once it was ready, we gathered up our food and the kids and headed out. The menfolk stopped into Lance’s again for a bottle of rum, beer, and ice, and we all convened on the patio outside the bar at Samsara for dinner.

The kids put on a dance show after dinner, and then Kris went to put them to bed. It was starting to get too windy to play cards outside the bar, so we relocated inside the bar. I thought it was weird to walk in there with our own drinks, but they said they didn’t care.

We played hearts for a while, and finally got annoyed at the incredibly loud Canadian talking to people at the bar. Orsi headed to bed, so Kris and Matt and I walked back to No Limit. The bar was far more crowded that time of night. We got a couple Red Stripes, then wandered across the street to Pee Wee’s, a cute tiki hut of a bar overlooking the ocean. The bartender offered to sell us weed, and we politely declined. He then got out a huge stick of it and passed it around for everyone at the bar to smell. The other bartender was a Canadian woman who visited Negril the same time every year and apparently helped out around the place. She was pretty entertaining.

We went back to No Limit for one more drink, then headed back to the hotel to sleep. A huge storm blew up in the middle of the night, and it was so loud on our roof (which I’m pretty sure was metal) that I was convinced it was hailing. That wasn’t entirely feasible in Jamaica, however.

We got up around 10:30, and could hear the wind still blowing like crazy outside. The rain had stopped, at least. I had a pretty intense round of paranoia when I saw a dead cockroach under the bed (there’s no avoiding them in tropical places, but you still prefer to not see them), and discovered that we both had bug bites all over our legs. I inspected the bed for bedbugs, and found zero evidence of them. It was probably just mosquitoes.

We made crappy instant coffee and headed down to the pool while K&O and the kids went to breakfast. The pool had a wall around it so the chairs were somewhat protected from the wind. The staff was gathering up everything that could possibly fly away from the entire patio area, because the weather was apparently expected to get worse.

I started reading Islands in the Stream by Hemingway, which is basically the absolute perfect book to read on an island. It was good distraction from the Euro guy across the pool who was proudly showing off his taint to the world.

The waves were getting higher, splashing up over the cliffs and pouring onto the patio. It was really entertaining to watch.

Kris and Orsi showed up with beers, so we hung out drinking them with our feet in the pool. The kids were napping in their bathing suits so they’d be ready to swim right away when they woke up.

When they woke up, we all went to swim for a while, then spent time in the hot tub watching the crazy waves. Around 2:30, we climbed out and headed to our room to shower and change so we could have lunch and/or dinner.

(Our room was in the back right, with the hammocks out front.)

Because nobody would want to hurry right to a meal, we went to No Limit first.

We inspected some of Jamaica’s many roots drinks, and had beers at the bar. I took a bunch of pictures of Bally hanging out there, too.

We met Nav, and got her advice on good vegetarian options in the cliffs. The kids hung out with her, playing with stuff on the front porch. Ziggy was sitting up in the tree napping.

The four of us were sitting at the bar talking to a couple from Maryland who were cycling around Jamaica, when we heard a loud rumbling coming up the street. It was the One Love bus, a weekly pub crawl (and the reason that No Limit was open earlier in the day than usual). We grabbed our beers and headed out to the house in back as all the (mostly Canadian) tourists from the beach started to pour in.

After a while they wandered out back to visit Ziggy. The bus driver got out a mop and held the handle up to him, and he climbed on board. They took a bunch of pictures, while being warned to not touch him if they wanted to survive the day. A couple people asked if we lived there, which was kind of confusing.

After the bus left for the next place, we played dominoes out front for a while. Kris got the chair in the street.

Finally, it was time to head to dinner. We went next door to Lance’s shop, and K&O’s friend called a cab for us. We all piled in and headed up into the hills to a place called Just Natural. It had moved recently from along the road back into the rainforest.

The place was unreal. There was a small building with the kitchen and some tables up front, and then trails leading back into the forest with other tables scattered around. Everything was very makeshift and fascinating.

There were fruit trees everywhere, and potted vegetables and herbs all over the place.

We picked a table under a shelter, which turned out to be a good decision later when it started raining. We alternated between hanging out at the table and wandering around on the trails looking at the plants.

The bathroom was made of bamboo and tarps, with an open top. The toilet was a normal commode, but they had also fashioned a urinal out of an upside-down gallon bottle. We took turns visiting it just because it was so awesome.

There was a bowl of tamarind on the table, and a bunch of homemade hot sauce. We ordered drinks first, then food.

One of the owners showed us the kids’ play area she’d built out of logs and a half-pipe. At the bottom was a mattress so the kids didn’t hurt themselves. It was great.

We had an excellent meal. I ordered callaloo and cheese pasta, and drank rum and mango juice. Toward the end of dinner it started raining, so the other diners out in the rainforest had to scramble to find a sheltered spot. After we were done, we headed up front to the little shop; Matt bought a bottle of their hot sauce, and Orsi got earrings. We hung around waiting for our cab for a while, and headed back down to the hotel.

The bar had a karaoke night with a wandering reggae band, and the very drunk Canadians were enjoying the hell out of it. We sat outside the bar again and watched the waves slamming into the cliffs, even more intensely than they had that morning. Once the bar started closing down, we went to our room to play cards on the patio. Kris wore the awesome cap we’d brought him from home; Matt had had it since he was a kid, and wanted to pass it on to a true Michigan State fan. The kids hung out in our room watching movies on the iPad, then fell asleep.

We switched to dominoes after a while, and then K&O headed back to their room. Matt and I watched Jamaican music videos for a while, and the highlight of that was seeing a reggae version of Phil Collins’ “One More Night”. Seriously amazing.

We got up a little after 9 and met up with our friends for breakfast. We walked up the road to Jackie’s place, but it appeared to be closed even though there weas a breakfast menu on the wall. We hung around for a bit to see if anyone showed up.

Nobody seemed to be around, so we walked up the hill a little way to look around.

There were a few people up working, and guys passing on motorcycles. Mostly it was just us and the wild dogs, though.

I decided I wanted to own the Hype Bar:

We went back to the main road and kept going toward another place they’d been before. It was the first time I noticed the huge castle overhanging the cliffs, too.

Jenny’s Cakes had a full breakfast selection, plus cakes. A ton of them. It was also billed alternately as the Country Bar (businesses in Negril seem to have multiple interchangeable names, as far as we could tell). I wanted to cry a little when I heard “Chicken Fried” coming from inside the building.

We got a picnic table out in the yard and ordered a cake plate for the kids. We got super-strong coffee with condensed cream. Delicious. Also, our server was hilarious. We loved her a lot.

I had a callaloo omelet, and Matt got this feast with saltfish, ackee, and four different starches:

On the way back to our hotel, we stopped in at Pee Wees for a rum punch. They made them different than most places, more like a smoothie. We hung out at the bar there overlooking the ocean for a while.

We stopped at the convenience store again and talked to Pila while the menfolk went inside for beer, rum, and ice. We took all that back to the hotel and sat in the wading pool with our refreshments while the kids swam. The sea was much calmer than the previous day.

Kris gave us a tour of the cliffs on the Samsara property. We saw blue crabs scrambling around the rocks, and a stairway and ladder down to a good snorkeling spot. There’s also a big hole in the cliffs that forms a natural Jacuzzi, and it was pretty full from the waves. We then headed to the main pool to swim for a while, followed by the hot tub. Then we headed to the room to shower and change.

They dropped off a coconut at our room, so Bally hung out with his new pal:

Kris headed to Hi-Lo, the big grocery store in town, and Matt and I took some beers to a table on the patio where we could play dominoes. We had Red Stripe Bold (which is delicious), a ton of water (I was very grateful to the bar there for always having a giant cooler of ice water available), and ate some plantain chips. Matt won, but just that once.

Kris and Orsi showed up, and we went to the Samsara bar to take advantage of 2-for-1s. We hung out at our table waiting for sunset, because it was the first clear day we’d had there. While we were sitting there, we heard a loud SPLAT and found half a needlefish laying on the ground a few feet away, where a bird had dropped it.

Sunset did not disappoint. We went down to our end of the hotel grounds to watch, along with several other guests.

Matt insisted I call this “The Old Man and the Sea”, obviously:

After sunset, we crossed the street to Pablo’s for dinner. While we waited for food, everyone practiced their Usain Bolt.

Matt had hot wings, salad, conch soup, and curry goat. I had a huge vegetarian platter with callaloo and rice and peas.

After dinner, Orsi took the kids to the hotel and we headed back to No Limit with Kris, of course. I had rum punch, and we watched curling on TV with a guy from Saskatchewan. I was entertained by the resident wild dog who circled the bar constantly.

Kris and I played Jenga, and I won. He left around 10:30, so Matt and I went across the street to Pee Wee’s. There was a band playing there, and the bar was pretty crowded. We ended up playing Jenga there, too, because apparently that’s the thing you do at bars in Negril. (Note to self: buy Jenga.) We had a whole bunch of rum punches and stayed too late, but it was nice to see a place that was still hopping late at night.

I woke up at 10:30 and kind of wanted to die from the previous night’s rum punches. I put on my bathing suit and a dress, and we went to find Kris and Orsi on the patio. I decided to claim one of the poolside covered beds while they went to get patties and run errands; I knew that meant they’d be gone forever, but I didn’t care. My bed was comfortable.

I dozed on and off, drank a Dragon Stout Spitfire very slowly, and read my book for the almost three hours they were gone. They finally showed up with a soy patty for me. Matt said they’d also stopped at the ATM at ScotiaBank, hung out at the Canoe Bar, and stopped into another bar owned by a friend. That’s exactly how I figured the errands would go.

We hung out in the pool for a while, then the hot tub. After that, we went to the far end of the property and swam around the reef with snorkel masks on. Near sunset, it was time for cliff-jumping. Kris tore off his shorts and ran to the edge of the cliff and jumped, much to the delight of the drunk Canadians at the bar.

I watched them jumping for a while, then decided it was finally time to try it myself. From the jumping spot, you can see a round sandy gap in the reef, but there were still plenty of rocks down below. I was worried that I wouldn’t jump far enough and would hit them, but Kris swore it was deeper than it looked. I took a few steps back and jumped, and felt for a second like it was actually scarier than skydiving. But it was awesome, and there’s a ladder to make climbing out easy.

For dinner we decided to try Ciao Jamaica, the restaurant across the street on the other half of Samsara’s property. It’s a cute two-level place with a balcony wrapped around the building. We got a big table indoors, and ordered cocktails and dinner. I had a cheese and callaloo patty, and we shared bruschetta. Our server insisted that Kris call her by her name instead of “Miss”, which was pretty amusing.

After dinner, Orsi and the kids headed back to the hotel and we went with Kris to No Limit. We had a couple beers and sat around watching Tru TV in Spanish with the other people at the bar. Hearing the old Jamaicans crack up over dudes falling down on TV was hilarious.

A fight erupted at the domino table outside, and Byron got so annoyed that he went out and gathered up the dominoes. As the guys playing dispersed, he brought the tiles inside, shoved them in a plastic bag, and tightly wrapped them and stashed them under the bar. Once things cooled off later he went to bring them back out, and he’d hidden them so well that he had trouble finding them again.

We headed back to the hotel early, around 11:30. It had been a long exhausting day of doing very little!

We slept really, really hard Wednesday night, and it was glorious. We got up at 9:15, met up with everyone, and headed to Jackie’s again to see if it was open. It was not, so we went to Pablo’s for breakfast instead. I had an egg sandwich and coffee. The kids split a meal, and Orsi had a Red Stripe, the breakfast of champions.

After our meal, we went back to the hotel to pack up. Since we were only moving hotels, I made very little effort to pack in an orderly fashion. Everything got tossed in my giant suitcase, and we rolled them down to Kris and Orsi’s room and went to check out. Since it was 10, the bus was there to take everyone to our hotel on the beach, but we didn’t want to head down there yet. Plus it’s only about $6 for a cab, so it’s easy.

We headed to the hotel bar to hang out. Our favorite bartender, Sharona, was working. When she called Matt ‘Ginger’, we almost fell over laughing. She looked pretty proud of herself. We sat around there for a long time, and Kris told us to go tell them that we wanted a cab ride from Chunky at 2pm. We did that, and went back down to sit around.

Round about 2, we went back up to the front and grabbed a cab. (I don’t think the driver was named Chunky, but that’s fine.) He dropped us off at our new hotel, Legends, and we checked in. We couldn’t get into the room til 3, so we left the bags with the front desk and headed to the beach. Since we didn’t have our bathing suits yet, we obviously had to go hang out at the bar for a while.

We were very near Yellow Bird, a place we’d liked the last time we were there, despite the Cornhusker flags hanging all over the place. We decided to partake in their signature drink (one of the four or five that are 2-for-1 ALL DAY): the Dirty Banana. (It’s not ice cream, it’s blended banana and juice and such.)

Round about 3pm, we walked back to the hotel and got our room key. We were right near the front desk, on a long walkway that led to the restaurant, bar, and beach. We had a nice patio with two adirondack chairs and a table, and our room had air conditioning and a gigantic bed with two tables built into the sides for our luggage. We also discovered we could get free wifi on our patio from Kuyaba, the resort across the way.

We unpacked a little, changed, and headed to the beach. We swam for a long time, then hung out looking at the ocean and drinking beer in beach chairs. We decided to stay for sunset, since it was a tradition.

We got up to leave right afterward, and K&O and the kids were just arriving for dinner. We showered quickly, changed, and walked down the beach to find dinner. Nothing looked super-promising except for Kuyaba, but that was right next door so we kept walking. We finally decided on Bar-B-Barn, a big place with a firepit set up on the beach. We got a table right away, then some waters, and then proceeded to wait FOREVER, even though the place wasn’t busy at all.

We finally got a drinks, then ordered dinner. I asked for the Ital stew, which I was really excited about, and of course they were out. She said they could do rasta pasta with ackee instead. We got pumpkin soup, which was great, and then suddenly nothing happened again for a very long time. There’s Jamaica time, but this was something far worse. It was confusing.

Finally the food arrived, and everything was cold or not great. Except for my pasta, which was fantastic. Atti ate a whole pile of ribs and chicken, so he and I seemed to be the only ones satisfied with our meal. I started to worry that all the food was going to be like that on the beach.

On the way back, the men headed to the convenience store while headed back up the beach. The kids did cartwheels in front of the hotel, and Orsi introduced me to Michael, the awesome security guard at Legends. We sat around on the patio while the kids watched movies in our room. Kris and Matt returned with beer and this special drink for Matt:

They headed back to Samsara around midnight, and Matt and I went to bed, immediately after watching a slow, halting version of the screaming goats on YouTube.

We got up Friday morning and got a cab up to Samsara. Orsi had taken Szof to school with Nav, so it was me and the boys for the day. Pila hailed a cab for us, and we rode into the hills above town to a place called both Ragabones and the Red Dragon. Matt and Kris were in search of the best jerk pork in Negril.

The pork wasn’t quite ready yet (it was around 11), so we got beers and hung out at a table. Kris had mentioned that they had the coldest Red Stripes around, and it was no joke: the bottles iced over instantly.

Atti and I hung out while Matt and Kris went to check on the meat’s progress. I loved the place instantly, because it was covered in stickers from all over the world. Many of them were from Wisconsin, confusingly.

Thankfully, they had a little shop on site for those of us who didn’t eat jerk pork. Matt got me a cheese bun. (That might seem disappointing, but it’s not. The wheat cheese bun is the BEST.)

We took a bunch of pictures there, because of our love for the Red Dragon in Minneapolis. This place wasn’t quite the same, but it was still awesome.

Our cab driver waited for us the whole time, and after lunch took us down to the farm store in town. Kris wanted seeds and a machete. They didn’t have either at that store, so we went further down the road to another one. THEY didn’t have seeds, either, but they definitely had a giant machete.

We took everything back to the hotel, and took this picture to send Orsi, so she was aware of what was going on while she was at school:

Orsi showed up, and the kids went to nap. We changed into bathing suits and went to go snorkel off the cliffs. The visibility was pretty good, and there were blue crabs climbing all over the rocks. Kris saw some eels, too, but I couldn’t find them.

We swam from that spot down to the area where we’d jumped off the cliffs before. Kris managed to find a crowd of tiny jellyfish along the way, and got stung a lot by them. I got a couple stings on my arm, but they weren’t bad. We climbed out of the water, and Kris got vinegar from the bar to put on his stings. Those invisible jellyfish are a bunch of jerks.

We dried off and changed again to head to No Limit. What we learned there is that you can just buy yourself a bottle of Appleton. Byron didn’t have Diet Pepsi, so I ran next door to buy some. I left it at the bar, which made it convenient when we stopped back later.

While we were sitting there, a huge storm erupted. I couldn’t believe how much it rained in half an hour’s time. We waited out the storm with our rum, and Kris’ roots drink.

Once the rain let up a little, we left the kids at the bar (under Nav’s care, not the drinkers) and got a cab to Pushcart for dinner. We got there and found it closed for a private party, so we went to 3 Dives instead. It was still raining a little, and everyone was damp.

The place was mobbed, so I figured it would take forever. We found a spot to sit and drink beer while the men went to order. The food didn’t actually take that long at all, surprisingly. I had a giant vegetarian plate, and ate it with all of the hot sauce in the world.

After dinner, we rode back to No Limit. Kris and Orsi grabbed the kids and went back to the hotel, and Matt and I stayed and ordered another drink from Nav, who was tending bar. (They said they’d never see her do that before, which was funny.) We grabbed a cab back to our hotel, and hung out on the patio for a bit. We went to bed just as Capleton was coming on at Bourbon Beach, so I had trouble getting to sleep from the show echoing down the beach.

Kris, Orsi, and kids came down to the beach on the shuttle again, and we joined them in the ocean. After floating around for a while and drinking beer in our beach chairs, we decided to go over to Yellow Bird for our daily visit.

We had dirty bananas, then did a lot of time sitting around staring at the beach and passers-by and joking. We got hungry after a while, so Matt and I walked down the beach to the patty shop (Jamrock!) to get some lunch. We brought them back to Yellow Bird, because we wouldn’t want to miss out on the 2-for-1s.

Of course the patty man showed up right after that. (Not that anyone was sad about more patties.) He showed Orsi how he’d modified his bike for beach-rolling purposes: the pedal on his side was removed, as well as the seat. He was in no real hurry to get the patties down the beach, either, and hung out at Yellow Bird for a while.

The kids made a new friend, and spend the time running around and playing in the sand with him. As they did every day, a couple Jamaicans rode slowly past on horses, trying to get people to ride. They also hung out in front of Yellow Bird for a while, and sat on their horses texting. I made a mental note to add that to my to-do list.

Later in the afternoon, we decided we could maybe switch bars for a while. We all piled in a cab, and Orsi fell in love with the driver’s hat, so she traded him. (His was way more awesome.)

He dropped Matt and Kris in town near the cricket shop, and the rest of us rode up to the Canoe Bar. Orsi and I got a table on the balcony overlooking the beach, and the kids headed down to play. The men arrived shortly after that, just in time for happy hour. Matt had an awesome West Indies cricket cap, and Kris had yet another gigantic knife.

We had an informal travel mascot meetup while we were there. These dudes have been a lot of places.

We ended up staying there long enough that we decided to just stay for dinner. The kids were tired, so K&O took them back to the hotel while we stayed. Matt placed a 2-for-1 drink order right as happy hour was ending, and somehow managed to end up with FOUR “Rock the Boats”. He ordered lionfish for dinner, and I had amazingly delicious curry tofu. It’s not so hard to be vegetarian AND get something other than rasta pasta if you go to the right places.

We were on our own for the evening, so we decided to get our Margaritaville visit out of the way. We grabbed a cab for the cliffs, and arrived to find the place pretty empty (it was probably 8:30 or 9ish, so that’s late for the beach), and the last of the resort shuttles was leaving. We sat at the bar near a couple who were having a night of it. We could tell because the lady kept slurring very loudly about how it was her 37th birthday.

We ordered the obligatory rasta shot (which is surprisingly delicious) and margaritas. After a while, I had to ask the couple near us where they were from, because I had a suspicion. They were from Watertown, Wisconsin, outside of Milwaukee. They were there without the kids, celebrating her birthday by drinking four billion margaritas, as far as we could tell. We didn’t hold out much hope for the lady being able to stay on her chair much longer, but suddenly their dinners arrived and she rallied.

We hung around there for another drink (and to watch sports on TV, which was rare), then decided to head back down the beach. We had shoes with us this time in case we couldn’t get around that building in the ocean.

We reached it and peered around to see if it looked safe. While we were doing so, another group came up behind us, and one of the guys was PISSED about that development. We all decided to do it, and made our way across on the sandbags. It wasn’t the safest thing in the world, but it worked.

On the way down the beach, we passed what was left of 23/7, our favorite bar on our previous trip. According to the internet a while back, the owner (who was from New York) got in some kind of beef with a local guy and tried to kill him with a machete. Then he fled to Canada, and people came and knocked down the bar. All that’s left of it is the tiki hut, so probably it should belong to us.

We went and stood under it and toasted.

We saw that Roots Bamboo was still hopping, and since it was another favorite from the last trip, we stopped there instead. We got drinks, and god knows if I even remember what we were talking about. I was obsessed with the wires hanging out of the back of the cash register, and made Matt take a picture of them.

We went back to our hotel after that, and were glad to find the beach gate open again.