Moving On

Dear Friends:

Yet another note to inform you that I’m no longer unemployed. I am now officially and determinedly self-employed. Some of you may consider those one and the same; only time will tell which of us is correct.

Working on a contract/freelance basis isn’t new to me, but the full-time commitment to it is. I’m a little intimidated by the prospect of taxes and insurance and all those things that a distant and uncaring HR department used to arrange for me, but I think I’ll figure it out. I’m even more afraid of working from home, since I have intentionally not spent much time here in the past few years, preferring to be elsewhere in the company of other humans. The cats are shitty conversationalists and can’t be bothered to clean up after themselves. At any rate, it’s a new challenge, and a good one. I’m looking forward to my career as an entrepreneuse. Not to mention getting myself some swanky business cards.

So, in the short time that I’ve been jobless (which I think I’ll continue through the weekend, as I’m kind of enjoying it), I’ve gained a few insights:

1) When you’re unemployed, you get to hang out with old folks. When I run or bike or go to the store in the morning, the median age of the people I encounter is about 30 years older than at any other time of the day. They seem to disappear around 2pm. Probably something about the heat of the afternoon sun, or Matlock being on.

2) Unemployment is a great excuse. Whenever a salesperson hits you up for anything, you say ‘I just got laid off’, and they shut up but quick. Or they make a great show of insincerity, which is at least good for a laugh. An example:

2a) [corollary] Unemployment makes people squirm. I admit that I get a lot of enjoyment out of making certain individuals uncomfortable, so I’m using it to my advantage. If you decide to use this tactic, my advice is to be as blunt as possible about it, for greatest impact:

Yeah, it’s mean. But it’s damn funny, too.

3) Being frugal is a novelty, and therefore something of a game. I usually shop at one of the two gourmet groceries near my house, where they grow the produce to my exact specifications and import the toilet paper from Belgium. Yesterday, I went to the warehouse grocery, and giggled to myself as I requested one of those store discount cards. The cashier informed me that I had just saved $3.18. Sweet mother of god! Also, I went with my mom to Sam’s Club. This shouldn’t have been a revelation, but Sam hasn’t really discovered healthy eating yet. I was hoping for maybe a mega-pak of Gardenburgers or a 64-oz block of tofu. No go. Next time I’m feeling the need to consume an entire bucket of tapioca pudding, though, Sam’s just the man to hook me up.

Obviously, the last few days have been a learning experience for me. I’m going to miss being unemployed, but I think the cash I’ll be earning will help me through the pain.

Yours,
Jenni