Every six months, I get an envelope in the mail from Unum Life Insurance Company of America. It requests $24 for continuation of coverage. I know I signed up for this policy at some point in my life, I just have no earthly clue what it’s for. I could dig through my file cabinet and solve this mystery, but I prefer to sit here and be happy I’m insured against Something in the event of Something Else. It’s a very secure feeling, for less than fifty bucks a year. You might want to check it out.
Last night, Wendy and I went to Sarah’s birthday party at Dave & Buster’s in Maple Grove. Having driven up to the outer reaches of civilization a few times for client meetings, I knew exactly where the place was, at least until I thought about it. We consulted the map, verified the location, and set off. Halfway to St Cloud, several miles past what’s generally considered the Twin Cities Metropolition Area, I realized maybe something wasn’t right. We turned around and drove the 10 miles back to Maple Grove. By that point, we were so overly-amused by everything we saw, I was a traffic hazard from laughter. Wendy and I should not be allowed to pilot vehicles on adventures, which is exactly why cruises are perfect for us: someone else is in charge of being responsible. Dave & Buster’s was as expected: food, drinks, and video games. They lied to us about having DDR (it was some freakish aberration that looked like DDR, but was sadly not). However, we quickly got down to Super Trivia; not only were we good at it, but it gave us tickets in far greater volume than Skeeball. Since Sarah was lusting after Twins memorabilia from the little store in the back, we thought we’d do our best to help her get it. Several games and almost 3,000 tickets later, she was set. If you get all five questions right and are really fast doing so, the machine vomits 324 tickets all over your feet, and that happened to me three times in a row. We are trivia superstars, at least at a giant arcade in almost-Canada. We need to bring our usual pub quiz group up there to play, because we’ll probably be walking away with a new car by the end of the night. As part of birthday tradition, I bought Sarah a blowjob. The bartender put it in a little stem glass, complete with whipped-cream balls she had to lick up. Oh, Maple Grove. Upon our return to the Big City, Wendy and I headed off to very different locales in the same part of town. Parking in front of Town Talk, I was panhandled by a guy who was very, very aggressive, and freaked me out because I was sitting in my car. I gave him cash just to get him to leave me alone, and waited a second for him and his friend to leave. As I was about to get out, I saw someone in the mirror, standing right out of my line of sight next to the car. It scared me REALLY BADLY until he stepped forward, and I saw that it was Tim from Town Talk, waiting to give me a hug and challenge me to a race down Lake Street. It’s a ritual. Today is a day for chillaxation, though this entire weekend is gloriously uncommitted as of yet. We’re going to go for a walk, hang out on the patio, and go to the store. Which reminds me: I should probably add something else to my shopping list, because cat litter and condoms is just disturbing. Happy Day!Jenni