We had a unique start to our trip to Las Vegas: via Waterloo, Iowa. Matt had a work seminar to lead on Saturday morning, so we rented a car around 3pm on Friday and got on the road to the beautiful Waterloo-Cedar Falls metro area. We arrived in town shortly before 8pm, and got our room at Waterloo’s Finest Hotel (according to their website): the Ramada.

I would like to argue with that name: it was crawling with hundreds of loud children, the rooms were very outdated, and everything smelled like smoke. Granted, the kids weren’t really their fault: there was a state wrestling tournament going on in Cedar Falls. The parents on our floor had all propped their room doors open (many of them with coolers full of beer), and the kids were running rampant. We dropped off our stuff and got the hell out of there quick.

We walked to a pizza place a few blocks away called Doughy Joey’s for dinner. The food was pretty great, as was the beer: I had Millstream Backroad Stout, which is made in the Amana Colonies. AMISH BEER!?! So exciting.

After dinner, we went across the street to a place called the Drunken Monkey, which had been recommended as a great dive. It was indeed that: a few of the patrons there were definitely no strangers to meth. We got some cheap drinks and hung out for a bit listening to 50 Cent on the jukebox, but there were too few people there to entertain us. We decided to take a walk around town and see what else we could find.

There didn’t seem to be much else going on in Waterloo that wasn’t extremely divey (there were apparently trendier places across the river, but it was too cold to walk that far), so we decided on a place called Smitty’s because of the hockey-related sign out front. There were only 6 or so people in there, too, so we grabbed seats at the bar and quickly got to know the bartender. We were very excited to find Templeton Rye; it’s made locally and only distributed around Iowa and Illinois. Matt really wanted to bring some home, so I’d done research and read that it was pretty difficult to find because it sold out right away.

We asked the bartender how he preferred to drink it, and he said the Templeton Press was most popular. That’s the second time we’d heard the term ‘press’, and apparently it involves a splash of water and 7-Up. After some research on the internet, we found out that ‘press’ comes from ‘Presbyterian’, and used to mean a non-alcoholic cocktail of some kind. I asked the bartender if he had any advice on where to find Templeton, and he said the little Pakistani liquor stores were the most likely to have some in stock. I added that to my to-do list for the next morning.

We headed back to Waterloo’s Finest Hotel, where it was thankfully past all the children’s bedtime.

Saturday morning, I dropped Matt off at his conference at Allen College and went to go see some of central Iowa. It was very grey outside.

I saw the other side of Waterloo across the bridge, and there were definitely some pretty nice restaurants and bars over there. The downtown was interesting, but pretty run-down. It reminded me of a smaller version of Milwaukee. There were also a ton of houses on stilts that were either moving or recently moved, presumably because the rivers there flood nearly every year.

I kept driving around til I came across one of the liquor stores the bartender had mentioned the previous night, called Red Star. They had Templeton Rye! I got two bottles for just shy of $100, which meant we were going to have to do a good job of protecting them since they were going to Vegas and back.

From there, I drove over to see Waterloo’s sister city, Cedar Falls. My first stop was at the UNI Dome, because we wanted to get a picture of Bally at the home of the Panthers. However, I soon discovered that that’s where the million annoying children had gone: the state wrestling tournament was going on there. I took some crappy out-the-window photos of the dome, circled the campus, and moved on.

Downtown Cedar Falls was completely different than Waterloo. There were a bunch of really cute little shops along a pedestrian-friendly main street, and everything was recently restored. I wish Matt could’ve seen that instead of Waterloo!

Speaking of Matt, it was nearing time to go pick him up. I stopped at Barnes and Noble because they had everything I could ever want at that moment (coffee, a bathroom, and the newest Martha Stewart Weddings), then drove up to the college and parked to wait for him. I got a ways into my airplane knitting project because they were running a little late, but as I’d calculated the latest time we could leave Waterloo about 14 times in my head, I knew we were safe.

Before leaving town, we stopped at the famous Maid-Rite. Matt got a loose meat sandwich (seriously, that’s what it’s called!) and I got some cheese-curd-like things. The employees at Maid-Rite were probably the nicest people on earth, too.

We got on the road to Des Moines, which was a little over 2 hours away. Our flight was at close to 5pm, so we had plenty of time to stop and see the famous Traer Winding Stairs. Yep. (Sometimes you just have to go visit stuff like this, because when the hell are you going to get back to Traer, Iowa? I’d never heard of it until we drove through.)

We arrived in Des Moines, turned in our rental car, and went to get some food and beers at the Capitol City Brew Pub. It was ideally situated so that we could see the plane arriving from our seats at the bar. As expected, it was about the size of a bus. We got on and were soon back in Minneapolis. You know what’s weird? Flying into your hometown to go on a trip.

We arrived in Vegas shortly before 9, and went to go pick up our car. Since we were staying off-strip for a couple of nights, we calculated that it would be way cheaper to rent a car than take cabs to places like the Orleans Arena. And conveniently, parking everywhere in Vegas is free, plus you can leave your car overnight if necessary.

We were spending the first night at the Sahara; not only was it cheap, but we’d had a great time there before (i.e. $1 shots and pai gow). The first thing we encountered after exiting I-5 was a car on fire in the middle of the Strip. Welcome to Las Vegas!

Our room was outdated, but it was clean and comfortable, and that’s all I care about when all I’m doing is sleeping there. We dropped off our bags and headed off on foot toward the Peppermill, a few very long Vegas-blocks away. It’s just past the Riveria, across from Circus Circus.

We got food at the counter in the restaurant (it’s like Vegas Perkins, seriously), then went into the lounge. We had the exact same bartender as the previous time, and he was fantastic. They were also playing the exact same crappy music videos on the TV, plus ESPN. God, I love that bar.

After a couple drinks, we went across to check out Slots-A-Fun. I’d read about their $3 blackjack and $.50 craps games, but there wasn’t too much going on even though it was after midnight on a Saturday. We got some beers from a vendor out front and wandered through that casino and into Circus Circus. We were nowhere near drunk enough to have a Fear-and-Loathing-style freakout, but it’s always good to remind yourself of how bizarre Vegas can be.

We headed back toward our hotel, and got there around 1am. We were too sleepy to gamble, but we had to go see if they still had $1 shots. The bartender told us they’d been discontinued, which pretty much ends any good reason to visit the Sahara. But we did take advantage of some $1 beers instead.

I crossed into Nebraska, drank a Red Bull, ate a banana, and felt mostly awake. I got ahead of the huge storm, and make it to Kearney, where I stopped for breakfast. Perkins! I knew they would have oatmeal for me, and I was not disappointed. I found my way to the drive-thru espresso hut and was back on the road. In Kearney, there’s this giant memorial arch over the highway. When we drove past it in the middle of the night, it freaked me out because it was this big lit-up thing in the middle of nowhere. During the day, it wasn’t so menacing.

I was tired, but keeping myself awake with loud music. The one thing Nebraska has to offer is straight roads, so you can pretty much go 90 on autopilot. I saw a sign informing me that the road I was driving on was made of 47,000 recycled tires. Yep.

I realized along I-80 that I was in the smallest vehicle I had seen for miles. It’s the largest trucking route in the country, and although I am a trucker, I drive a very small rig. I hit ridiculous road construction from Lincoln to the Iowa side of Omaha (Nebraska thinks they’re smart by grouping all their big cities together in one place). I was a little more awake in Iowa and decided to shoot for Des Moines for lunch.

I had to stop at rest stops a few times to stretch, but managed to make it. I had a veggie burger for lunch, then stopped for what was to be my very last Starbucks visit. I drove out of Des Moines, and almost cried when I saw the signs pointing towards Minneapolis. I knew the last 250 miles were going to be the worst part of the entire trip.

I had trouble staying awake almost as soon as I got out of the city (um, ‘city’ in quotes – it’s Des Moines, Iowa, after all). I drank my coffee, then a pop. I ate sunflower seeds one at a time. I turned the music up as loud as I could stand it. I slapped myself on the thighs, hard. None of it was working. I pulled off at the exit with the gas station with the peephole in the ladies’ room (I think it’s the Kum & Go, and I’m not joking), but went to a different gas station instead. I bought three cans of Red Bull, more sunflower seeds, and pretzels. I was desperate.

Somehow, I made it to the Minnesota border. I was miserable, worried about falling asleep behind the wheel. I was making terrible time, because I kept having to stop. At almost every rest area, I’d pull off, go to the bathroom, and run around to try to wake up. It would keep me alert for 10 or 15 minutes, then I’d be groggy again. Finally, about 60 miles south of the Twin Cities, I called Heather. I begged her to keep me awake. We were both freaking out that I was that close. She kept talking, and I kept driving. I rattled off the landmarks I passed along the way. I didn’t hang up until I was a block away, and I could see her standing at the end of our driveway.

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random notes from my travel journal:

my cd player tends to overheat after much use and doesn’t want to play cds, especially burned ones. i put one in, it thinks for 30 seconds, then spits it back out. only it’s super hot. it’s my cd toaster.

animals i have seen on this trip: goats (mountain and billy). prairie dogs. buffalo. a giant gopher. seals. birds: eagles, hawks, seagulls, pelicans, etc. otter. the usual barnyard fare. crabs being pulled from the ocean and thrown back. porcupine. a donkey painted like a zebra. llamas. kittens in a box in san juan bautista. a green parakeet in tijuana. supercolossal, possibly prehistoric bugs. fratboys in vegas.

animals i have not seen on this trip: giant squid. yak.

The last entry in my travel journal reads:

i think i lead a charmed life. i’m really glad i had this trip. it was beyond amazing. wow, it’s time to go home. and this is the last page.

2:50pm 7/18/03

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