that’s hardly 99, jigga.

Jay-Z does have a lot of problems, but not as many as he thinks.

1) he’s got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
2) he’s got foes that wanna make sure hi casket’s closed
3) rap critics say he’s “Money Cash Hos”
4) he’s from the hood
5) he grew up with holes in his zapatos
6) critics can kiss his whole asshole
7) they don’t like his lyrics
8) he’s got beef with radio if he doesn’t play their show
9) they don’t play his hits
10) rap mags try and use his black ass so advertisers can give ’em more cash for ads
11) he doesn’t know what you take him as
12) we don’t understand his intelligence
13) he’s from rags to riches
14) in his rearview mirror is the motherfuckin’ law
15) he’s young
16) he’s black
17) his hat’s real low
18) he’s not a mind reader
19) he’s not sure if he’s under arrest
20) he was doing 55 in a 54
21) he’s under suspicion of carrying a weapon
22) he’s not a lawyer
22) he hasn’t passed the bar
23) the K9 is coming
24) he had to strong-arm a ho
25) the ho didn’t have a pussy
26) the ho tried to push him
27) he couldn’t ignore him
28) the Lord didn’t answer his call
29) he got to clappin’
30) they were yappin’ to the captain
31) he’s trapped in the kit kat again
32) he’s back in the system with the riffraff again
33) there were fiends on the floor
34) the paparazzi was taking pictures
35) the DA tried to give him the shaft
36) he paid $500,000 bail because he’s African
37) there’s nothing sweet about how he holds his gun
38) he feels bad for you, son

I’ll have more tomorrow. My brain and body are still broken from Gophers hockey this weekend. In case you didn’t hear (in which case, we may not be friends), they finally won the third game, with three minutes left in double-overtime. They played the equivalent of five games this weekend. And Tom Pohl’s apparently at the Mayo Clinic. Holy shit.

We’re going to the Final Five, dudes! Probably the best weekend of the entire year!!


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