My Visit to Canadia: A Play in One Act.
by Jenni Ripley
JENNI, the wandering protagonist
STEPHANIE, jenni’s sister
MR. FANTASTIC, roaming street-performer, with a name i just totally made up [SCENE: 8am Saturday morning, on a streetcorner in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.JENNI exits the front doors of The Bay department store, carrying a plastic bag holding bananas and hairspray. Digging in her purse, she misses the step and twists her ankle badly.] JENNI: [Grimacing] Oh fuck. [Hops about on one foot for a moment, then sits down on the step in front of the store, holding her left foot in the air.] MR. FANTASTIC: [Rounds the corner and sees JENNI on the step. Puts guitar case on the ground and removes a beat-up acoustic guitar. Leaves case open for coins.] Hey, I’ve got a song just for you. JENNI: [Smiles and looks away quickly, knowing that eye contact is just encouragement. Digs frantically through purse, and locates cellphone. She dials STEPHANIE’S number.] Hi. I’m calling you because I just hurt myself and I’m trying not to cry in public. MR. FANTASTIC: [From the right, singing] I GOT A BLACK MAGIC WOMAN!!! I GOT A BLACK MAGIC WOMAN!!!!! JENNI: I think I sprained my ankle. I’m sitting on the street in front of Hudson’s Bay Trading Company. I don’t know if I can walk yet. STEPHANIE: [On phone] I have to get dressed, then I can get the car and come get you. How far away are you? MR. FANTASTIC: [Moving to stand directly in front of JENNI, beginning verse two with a wink and flourish] DO-DO-DO-DO-DON’T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME, BABY! DON’T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME, BABYYYYYYY!!!!!! JENNI: [Faking a laugh for MR. FANTASTIC, who is trying so very hard] I’m right across the street. I’m looking at the hotel. I think I’ll try to walk back. STEPHANIE: [On phone] You should at least sit there for a while before you try to walk. Don’t hurt it worse. MR. FANTASTIC: [Moving closer, slowing dramatically] YOU GOT YOUR SPELLLLLL ON ME, BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! JENNI: Yeah, I’m gonna walk back now. [Standing up feebly, she gathers her purse and shopping bag. MR. FANTASTIC finishes his song quickly, and holds out his hand to her. She shakes it quickly and pulls away.] Thanks for the song! [JENNI stumbles over to his guitar case and tosses in a loonie.] MR. FANTASTIC: [As JENNI hobbles away as fast as she’s able] You’re a beautiful woman! Hey, wait, baby! I sell CDs too! [(Curtain)]