Ok, so.
I woke up with a headache this morning. I went to work. Jane tried to convince me to dress up and go to the Renaissance Festival with her. She showed me the outfits she had picked out for me. I threw up. I came home. Chloe looked on in horror as I took the last of her treats out in the hall and gave them to Simon, the building cat. I had this paranoid fear a few times over the past month that maybe I was pregnant, because I was nauseous almost every morning. I know for sure I’m not pregnant now, but this morning I still felt the same, until I realized what a dumbass I am: it happens whenever I take painkillers. My neck gave me trouble for a couple weeks earlier in the month, so I’d take ibuprofin in the morning. Today I took Aleve. This makes me suspect I should write down every single thing I ever do, because then I’d see these patterns a lot quicker. Hello! Friday afternoon, I was on my way home from the lake, stopped at the stoplight everyone forgets exists at 36th and Emerson. The car four vehicles behind me didn’t notice the long line of traffic stopped there, and plowed into the car ahead of him, which caused this big chain-reaction crash that was disappointingly short of a CHiPs-style pileup (with that car that goes flying 20′ in the air and off the side of the bridge). Chico escaped with only a crease in his bumper, which I figured was pointless to claim since my insurance is going to replace it anyway. The cars behind me were a wreck. There were dust clouds and the smell of burning. I left before things started blowing up. I retrieved Homie, and we went to Grand Central Lake Street Station Depot to await the train. Since everyone in the greater Minneapolis area had the same idea of taking the train instead of parking by the Metrodome, the first one arrived full of people with their faces pressed to the glass, gasping for air. We decided to wait. When the next one arrived, there were some dead, suffocated people in there already, but I wasn’t waiting any longer. I utilized my patented ‘barging’ skills and forced my way onto the train. Homie followed in my trail of destruction. If you’ve ever been within 10 feet of the stage at a sold-out club show, you might have an idea of how this felt. Luckily, everyone was in a good mood (except for the dead people), because WE WERE GOING TO A FOOTBALL GAME. I’ve never been to a football game before. I don’t really like football at all. However, I do enjoy live sporting events, especially ones where people dress like idiots and yell. I didn’t like hockey until I gave it a chance, either. Anyway, the game was entertaining. The kid next to us was so enthused, it was contagious. Bertine got drunk and kept imitating the guy in front of us, whose teeth stuck out of his head in a jutting fashion. I didn’t pay much attention to the game itself except when people yelled, because then I had to figure out what was going on. I saw how they make the yellow line on TV. I finally understand the concept of ‘downs’. I can’t believe how many players there are on a football team. And hey! Our guys won. Wait. They’re the purple ones, right? I think so. Anyway! I had another motive behind my new interest in football. You see, I am playing fantasy football. The draft happened Saturday, and I had prepared my pre-draft picks well in advance. I decided to choose my players based on their names, since looking up their stats and such would take actual work. My team is made up of all players with funny names; my secret weapon is going to be T. Bell, because obviously the ‘T’ stands for ‘Taco’. How can you lose with a player named Taco Bell? That’s right, you can’t. Since I didn’t want to screw up the draft completely, I asked my football-loving sister for help. She can’t play fantasy football, because it would consume her life; I could see evidence of such just by the way she dealt with my picks. See, I chose my players, and it was her job to rank them. Apparently I had 15 quarterbacks on my list, and as good an idea as I think a team of quarterbacks would be, she disagreed. She hated that I insisted on drafting Taco Bell first, but I absolutely cannot win without him. Also, she kept trying to pick players WITHOUT FUNNY NAMES. Tom Brady? What the hell is funny about him? Loser. So yeah, I’ll let you know how my team does whenever we start playing. I have no clue when that might be. Friday night, I had a possibly Little-T’s-nacho-induced nightmare involving the Wienermobile. This traumatized me a lot. Later in the dream, Bertine and my ex and I were in a hotel room in Las Vegas; she and Bertine were fighting and tearing each others’ hair out. Then the real Wienermobile arrived, and the day was saved. I swear to god, I wonder about my subconscious sometimes. I’m pretty sure I had this dream because I had been cleaning out my closet for clothes donations, and saw the Wienermobile hoodie. I hope that’s it, at least. Dang. Saturday, I went to brunch at the Highland Grill with Kaye. We managed to do this in conjunction with Highland Days, one of those neighborhood festivals where they shut down a few blocks and set up craft booths, a stage with live ‘entertainment’, and trailers full of state fair food, because Minnesotans cannot possibly wait another full week for the fair. After that, I began my Virgo-shopping, because most of my favorite people have birthdays this month. I did awesome work, even though about half the stuff I brought home was for me. I’m dying to show you the best tshirt ever, but I can’t because I got it for Jay too. Just you wait. Saturday night, we went to Valleyfair. By the end of the night, my ribs ached and my throat hurt from screaming on rollercoasters. I’ve decided I like anything involving a freefall the most; this is why I really need to go skydiving. Once the sun went down, it was painfully cold there. It’s starting to feel like fall might happen. Blech. If Jenny didn’t have a hoodie stashed in her magical backpack, I’d have been miserable. My god, I need to stop being so wordy. Ok, Sunday was: brunchfast, farmer’s market, art market (this needs some improvement if it’s going to be successful), Buddy handoff, a spider the size of a basketball in my living room, shopping at malldale, dinner, playing baseball until I lost the ball in some bushes, and playing the piano for the first time in many, many moons. Makes me really happy, by the way. I miss it a lot. And one last thing before I go!! I have put my phone photos back up. I was going to write an app for them, then realized that Flickr does everything I want already. I wasn’t looking forward to writing the email-to-database interface. Here’s the site (I’m a HUGE fan of the tags), and here’s the RSS feed for the same. Because I’m infinitely helpful, I changed the RSS link on the left to point to a page listing all the RSS feeds in my world. I’ve been meaning to rewrite Plinko and put all that stuff on there, but you know. It’s something. Did you see how I rushed that last part so I could go outside? I can’t take it anymore! Latahz.Jenni