HELLO.
It alarms me how much we’re lacking in tiny social graces lately. I’m a door-holder, a hand-shaker, and a please-and-thank-you kind of person. On the other hand, I also say ‘motherfucker’ with some regularity. Proof these things don’t have to be exclusive.
OK SO! My weekend in 52,000 words or
less fewer. Friday night, Stephanie and I had plans to watch the Gooophers hot hockey action on the television. I wouldn’t normally do this, but they were playing Colorado College, who I saw beat them in the NCAA tournament last year. Just then, Kaye forwarded me an email from a sick coworker who was selling her tickets for that evening. I said yes as loudly and quickly as I could.
Since you can only ever get SRO or single-seat tickets for Gopher games, I figured that’s what they were. Imagine my excitement when we ended up in the 3rd row, RIGHT BY KELLEN BRIGGS. I may want in his hockey pants just a little. The bad guys had sexy black-and-yellow uniforms, and looked a little like angry firefighters. The game was awesome and they won, of course. I can’t believe I’ve actually found a sport at which I can yell my head off without even realizing it. I love it.
Saturday, I had to go running out to find girl-shoes for Sean’s cocktail party. I went to Marshall Fields for professional help, and also because they were having the 13-hour sale. The guy asked what I was looking for, and I told him that I was really bad at being a girl, so I would take his advice. I described my outfit, and he provided the perfect shoes right away. They’re so totally girly, and way cute. And had heels. I hate heels, as I’m a fan of the utilitarian more than the decorative.
He also told me his future-life story, which involved his upcoming move to Los Angeles. He told me a ton about it, but I actually don’t remember any of it because I was too busy freaking out about having to wear girl-shoes. I wished him best of luck in California and even remembered his name, though. I’ve totally been working on that.
I went home and made empanadas, which are a lot of work but really worth it. The filling tasted better than the ones we had at New Year’s (I actually like them with queso fresco instead of anejo), and I’m better at making the little pockets now.
In the eveningtide, I went over to Kaye’s with the best pizza ever (cheese only, but GOOD cheese), and we watched half of
Fight Club, which is and always will be one of the greatest movies ever, even if it does make me want to punch people all the time. With their consent, of course, which somehow they seem unwilling to give. We got dressed, and she laughed at me while I flinched over makeup-application. Apparently she thinks it’s really funny making me look like a girl. It just makes me uncomfortable. Especially since I was wearing a too-big pink sweater, a skirt, and really cute heels.
We went to Sean’s, her with veggie wontons and me with my empanadas. Everybody was all fancied-up, which was awesome. We drank and danced a lot. Emily and I held each other up while we polka’d, and then Kaye and Sean attempted to teach us to swing dance, which was kind of a disaster. The Unborn Fetus doesn’t seem to mind being called the Unborn Fetus at all, which makes him extra awesome. We did shots of Czechschlager, Sloe Gin (gag), and drank bourbon, although we were alarmingly cheddarless. We’re so going to have a bourbon-and-cheddar party sometime.
On the way home, we stopped and ate quesadillas at 2am, which surprisingly was the smartest thing I could’ve done right then, even if I was at Perkins in Eagan dressed like a girl.
Sunday, I realized I was going on vacation in a few days, so I cleaned like a maniac and started packing. Chris came over and we tested sugar-free (technically, lower-sugar) truffles, as well as a superspecial batch of Jack Daniels truffles. It took us less than 2 hours to do 5 dozen of them, and we’re still working a little on the process. They came out really well. (And today I am truffle-pimping around the skyways.)
Toting a box of Jack truffles, I went back over to the lesser twin for
We Gotta Bingo! Kaye won the tickets last time at gay bingo. We figured it would just be amusing, but it ended up being awesome. Wendy and I found two nametags sitting on a table when we walked in, so I became Lauren and she was Katie. Kaye and Sarah traded nametags, until a guy at our table named Dick offered Kaye his name instead. Who wouldn’t want to be Dick??
So we played bingo, ate dinner, got to throw things at people, and polka’d more than once. I danced with Bucky, the sleazy bingo-caller dude. He commented on my tattoos, then made me help him take off his jacket and pull up his sleeves so I can see his. It was weird because he totally came out of character at that point. Then suddenly he was Bucky again, and we were doing the dance from
Pulp Fiction. Too funny. The dude with whipped cream in his pants fell in love with Kaye, but I think he was a little heartbroken when she wouldn’t go up on stage and sing with him.
We went back to her house and played Mario DDR, and Wendy once again demonstrated her amazing backward-talking trick, which I’m pretty sure she could make money with. Lilypants became full of gender-dysphoric rage (as usual), and tried to kill us all. Therefore, it was time to go home.
Today I am
really out of it, despite my fabulous work on my supersexy PDF-emailing scripts. I’m already feeling a little rushed about vacation; last night I had a dream I was on a plane that had to make an emergency landing on an interstate. Haha. So my big exciting plans for the rest of the week? Tonight: laundromat and gym. Tomorrow: gym, and then VB.NET class begins (6-10pm,
eek). Wednesday: gym and pack and get to bed at, like, 6pm. Since I have to get up at 3 or something on Thursday.
I will stop in and say bye before I go. In the meantime, HEY!
DID YOU ORDER YOUR TRUFFLES YET?
I could totally pester professionally.
Jenni
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your questions, answered
q:
why the disdain for Walmart?
P.S. Have you ever thought of posting your scone recipes?
a:
I think Wal-Mart is a really bad company. They drive everybody else out of business, they take losses on product to foster unfair competition, they have illegal and unethical employment practices, not to mention an actual unionbusting team. Sure, they’re following the rules of any big corporation, they’re just especially good at doing very wrong things. I won’t shop there (or Sam’s Club) because I don’t want to support their practices. I don’t care if anyone else shops there, I just won’t.
In defense of hypocrisy, I totally shop at Target all the time. Yes, I know they’re very similar. But they’re homegrown and innovative and give a ton to charity, as well as being fairly liberal for a corporation as far as gay employee groups and such. They also haven’t dumped their entire IT department like Best Buy did.
Yet.
P.S. Yes! I didn’t invent my scone recipe, Alton Brown did. I usually look to him for food-expertness. Here’s the recipe; I just modify them by adding different combinations of ingredients. I’ve used cranberries, orange oil, cinnamon chips, dried cherries, various chocolates, and ginger. I’ve found that fresh fruit doesn’t work well, but dried is perfect. Also, Splenda changes the texture a little. I usually use regular sugar just because there’s so little of it in the recipe as it is.
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