next up: holy trinity slash fiction

So, last night, we were talking about the holy ghost.

No, shut up. I’d try to explain why we were talking about the holy ghost, but it’s none of your business, really, just be assured that it’s vaguely dirty. Theology did not figure greatly into my Valentine’s Eve.

Anyway, when I was a kid, I was convinced that the holy ghost looked like Casper the Friendly Ghost. Also, I was positive that Casper was gay, but I’m not sure that reflected on his divine counterpart. You don’t really think these things through as a kid, and for good reason.

So then we started reminiscing about Tom & Jerry, which for me was the pinnacle of animated entertainment, at least til Go-Bots came along. Several years ago, I’d seen some Tom & Jerry cartoons again, and as it was during my militant opinion-holding university-attending young idealistic dyke phase, I was appalled. It’s racist! And violent! And features jokes so dated, only my grandma could relate; some of the episode recaps in Wikipedia list references to 1940s radio shows. But I don’t care about that; it was another era. What matters is that Tom & Jerry SCARRED ME FOR LIFE.

Here are the two most alarming episodes, which YouTube has been kind enough to turn up so that you may suffer flashbacks as well:

The Missing Mouse
This is the one where Tom says (and how often did Tom speak?) ‘DON’T YOU BELIEVE IT’. I swear to god, that phrase is burned into my brain. I’m kind of sad that I researched from whence it came; it’s now less menacing, more lost to the ages. Though as we all know, oldtimey is hot.

Heavenly Puss (that title would be something entirely different today)
The episode where Tom dies, rides a giant escalator to heaven, and is told he must obtain Jerry’s forgiveness lest he be cast into hell for eternity. Heaven features, amongst other victims, a BAG OF DROWNED KITTENS. I cried more over that 10-second block of programming than I did the episode of Sesame Street brought to you by the letter K, where the kitten flies away on the kite. (Note: I searched for that image in vain; I will give anyone who can supply a picture of the wayward kitten a dollar, as I’m positive it would make me cry even now.)

So like I was saying, Valentine’s Day was fantastic. We made tempura, I brought over my red velvet cake (with two gallons of cream cheese frosting), and we opened a bottle of champagne, which conveniently made its way into the tempura in place of wine. We had designs on going out afterward, but, well. The holy ghost. You know how it goes.

Also, I would like to announce, with further details forthcoming:

See you later, dudes and ladies!
Jenni