i prefer my limbs unbroken, too.

I’m all about public services.

At least three times a week, someone tries to run me over on my way to or from work. While I understand that these reckless drivers are trying to run everyone over, not just me, it’s still hard to not take it personally. I like me the way I am, which is to say: alive.

Most often, this occurs at the intersection of 5th Avenue and 3rd Street. I have a few excellent theories as to why I’m 80% more likely to be mangled at this particular corner:

1. There are two turn lanes, which doubles the opportunity for some asshole to hit me.
2. Drivers are likely to have just exited 35W from Apple Valley and beyond. Since they live in places where people go to avoid other human beings, the concept of pedestrians is completely foreign to them. Most suburbs don’t even have sidewalks; why would people be wandering around on the streets when they should be inside watching Desperate Housewives?
3. They’re in a damn hurry to get to Rick’s Cabaret.

Yesterday, a guy with blank, soulless eyes behind his $400 sunglasses looked directly at me the entire time he was driving in the same place I was walking. I had my hands up in that gesture you make half a second before you slap your chest and yell, “OUTSIDE, MOTHERFUCKER!!” I have smacked cars’ hoods and windows and I have kicked them in the tires as they’ve almost knocked me down in the street. I’ve yelled and cursed. This has done nothing to halt the onslaught of retarded drivers. Therefore, I’m considering stickers.

First, I need to locate the kind of stickers that cannot be removed even with the help of industrial solvents. I plan to slap them onto the driver’s-side window of assaulting vehicles as they pass. As far as what they will say, I’m having trouble deciding between YIELD TO MY MASSIVE SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT and I TOUCH LITTLE BOYS IN THEIR SLEEP. I’m leaning towards the latter.

Justice will prevail.

So, I managed to come down with a cold while dancing last Friday night, at approximately the same time a furry was grinding on my ass and a $2 drink was shattering near my feet. All of a sudden I needed to die, so I left posthaste and joined Matt at his place. He had also left a party before closing time due to still feeling under-the-weather.

On Saturday, I got mad at Miguel for being broken: his thermometer told me it was 68 degrees outside, and I was positive it was in the 90s. The fever subsided and was replaced with volumes of fluids in my head on Sunday. I spent the day fuzzy and lethargic, courtesy of Dayquil and the sun. Yesterday was the coughing and the awesome squeaky voice. By evening, I discovered that I would emit this choking cough everytime I leaned my head back. I’d look up and burst out coughing. I couldn’t stretch my neck without running to the bathroom lest I pee my pants. Matt had to squat down so I could kiss him. Oh, comedy. I slept a little better last night, and awoke to Lungday. If things stick to this schedule, the rattling in my chest should be gone by morning. Fingers crossed!

There was plenty of last week that did not revolve around me blowing my nose, and I will recap in a bulleted way so I can get to lunch.

• Wednesday, I had lunch at Luce with Wendy, mopped my apartment til it shone, baked sugar-free apple crisp, and then met the homies at Lyle’s for happy hour. Round about midnight, I was very surprised to see it was midnight.

• On Thursday, we chilled. I even got to knit out on the patio.

• Friday, Matt and Cin and I made a short tour of fancypants bars, including Temple and Red White and Fucking Blue at the Chambers. We instantly fell in love with the place, because it has a 5th-floor balcony overlooking Hennepin Avenue (which was gearing up for Pride), and, well, because it’s a bar with ‘fucking’ in the name. The drinks are $10 apiece. They’re worth it.

• …this was followed by dinner on the sidewalk patio at Rock Bottom, where Wendy joined us after the Lynx game.

• …followed by dancing with las chicas and the furries at the 90s. Which was fantastic (and awesomely crowded, due to Pride), despite the aforementioned Sickness.

• Saturday, we joined Wendy and Stephanie for brunch at Longfellow Grill with our 3day teammate from Missouri, Melissa, and her husband Tom.

• We went to the 3day expo, where we became very excited for the event again. Not only did we get to write letters to ourselves to be delivered on the walk, we got to make a bunch of signs for our team.

• I took a nap on Matt’s floor, and felt marginally better afterward.

• We corralled Cindi and went to Matt’s Bar for Juicy Lucys (Lucies? Anyway, I had a grilled cheese) with Wendy, Melissa, and Tom. This began their whirlwind tour of must-see Minneapolis bars.

• We went to the Dragon. Things that happen at the Dragon happened. We were going to go to Nye’s, but it was getting late.

• On the way to the Otter, I saw a shooting star. Tom sang, which was awesome. We loved Dozer a lot. Cindi may have found the man of her dreams, at least for a few minutes. Matt and I achieved ultimate naked lady victory. We left only after a lot of hugging. I can’t wait to see Tom and Melissa again at the walk!

• Sunday, Matt and I had toast, and then headed off to the Kicks and Sticks St Paul Sports Doubleheader Spectacular!! (I may have added that last part myself.) We first went to watch the Saints achieve ultimate victory, and got a bunch of free stuff, including caps and food. We then went over to St Paul Central to watch the Minnesota Thunder achieve ultimate victory over the California Victory (yes), and got more free food and tshirts.

• Holy crap, we got sunburnt. Must upgrade SPF.

• Last night, I became very angry for a very short time. I was going to hang out at home and cough while Matt was at the Twins game, but needed to also not die of heat exhaustion. I excavated airbot from the back of the closet, rolled him into place, and then realized I’d managed to lose the giant orange extension cord required to plug him into the only outlet that won’t blow the circuit in my apartment, in the kitchen. I was more angry at losing something than I was at being hot and sick, actually. Matt came to my rescue, though, and soon airbot was up and running. He is awesome. No, I’m not referring to airbot.

Tonight we’re going to hang out and keep working on defeating the cold. We leave for North Dakota on Thursday, and I’ll be damned if my inability to breath interferes with my ability to be awesome.

Jenni