Paramilitary Action

Dear Friends:

Since Alex threatened asked me nicely to post a photo of his shooting achievement the other day, here it is:

Where did he learn to shoot like this? In ‘Nam. That’s right.

Now, back to me.

Look closely at this metal chicken, my friends.

It is tiny, no? Yes. It is. This miniscule metal chicken? I shot it. From 100 yards, which those of us who care about professional sports know is the length of a football field.

I’ll pause to let that sink in, because I know it is extraordinary, and demonstrates an alarming amount of skill.

Heather has breathed a huge sigh of relief, knowing that when our home is invaded by an army of small robotic farm animals, we will be amongst the survivors, thanks to my abilities. Not only did I shoot the chicken from 75 and 100 yards, I also shot a little turkey, so I believe myself to be skilled in obliterating whatever fowl I may encounter. Alex shot a ram, which was significantly larger and much easier to sight at the end of the range. Not that I’m downplaying his abilities. I wouldn’t dream of it. I’m just saying, I shot a tiny metal chicken. With the inaccurate Columbine rifle, standing up, without a scope. And therefore, I win.

We had probably the best time ever shooting guns yesterday. It started when Dave agreed to let us pick out our own targets. We picked the varmint, of course. You think I’m joking, don’t you?

The varmints seemed to mostly escape with minor injuries, except for the ones Dave was aiming at. Then, on a trip down the range to look at our targets, I discovered the metal menagerie:

It was nothing less than life-changing. I enjoyed knocking them over even more than I liked putting holes in the man-shaped target ever so long ago. And, yes, I did steal the animals afterwards, but only because Dave told me they were not supplied by the gun club; someone had forgotten them.

So now, the tiny metal chicken is mine. I’m trying to decide what to do with it. It would make a great hood ornament, but I’m examining my options. There are so many good uses for a tiny metal chicken that’s been shot from the opposite end of a football field. It’s almost mind-boggling. When I decide, I’ll let you know. You can count on it.

Jenni