To Bryan, the Sexiest Man Alive1, who called yesterday to list off the contents of his current breakfast cereal stash2, because he cannot resist buying it when it is on sale at the grocery store, and regards it as some kind of marketing conspiracy preying on his compulsion:
You have a serious, serious problem, my friend. Regards,Jenni
1 I’m sorry I got your name wrong when I wrote about you the other day. I could go back and fix that, but, dude, I’m no historical revisionist. You can’t just erase your fuckups and pretend like they never existed. I claim my imperfections as my own.
2 As follows:
- 3 boxes Golden Grahams
- 3 boxes Wheaties
- 2 boxes Crunchberries
- 1 box Alphabits
- 1 box Coneys Cinnamon Crunchers
- 2 boxes Honey Nut Cheerios
- 2 boxes Cheerios
- 1 box Super Golden Crisp
- 3 boxes Cocoa Puffs
- 1 box Peanut Butter Crunch
- 1 box Apple Jaxx
- 1 box Honeycomb