Dear Friends,
I had need of supplies for dinner tonight, so over lunch, I ran to Kowalski’s out here in the outer-outer-burbs. It’s the obscenely swank one with the Aveda salon, cooking school, antique shop and such. I was originally impressed with this store because of its huge selection of vegan salads at the deli, but no more. I had to ask three employees to help me find seitan. Actually, I asked where the tofu was, because I knew I’d be there for hours, trying to explain seitan. They had none, and the entire soy section seemed to be an afterthought, crammed in between the yogurt and the sour cream. They had a couple packs of tofu pups and some fake cheese. Whatever1. The overfriendly produce boy came up to me as I was lingering over the bananas, saying something about the weather. I asked him if they had plantains. They did not. Who doesn’t have plantains? This launched him into a huge discourse about supply and demand in the produce world. Or something; I don’t know because I wasn’t listening, being too irritated over finding neither fake meat nor plantains in their store. I thanked him and wandered away. Then I wandered back, realizing I needed a zucchini. I overheard produce boy telling his coworker (also named ‘produce boy’), who had just high-fived him, “Aw, dude!! I tried! I seriously tried! She–” And then I’m assuming he saw me again. I passed him again on my way out of the store. He winked. But as far as I’m concerned, my rules are pretty basic: no plantain, no lovin’, boy. It’s that simple.Jenni
1 My expectations of finding seitan at the regular grocery store are not unrealistic; it can be found at any of the stores in my neighborhood.