stories.
remember that night i was upstairs in your huge beautiful house in the bathroom with the whirlpool tub and glass shower and tv mounted on the ceiling and huge underlit vanity and you were downstairs smoking and i thought, ‘you can have all this and it’s meaningless because you’re completely alone’, and then i settled my hair back down and went to lay in your bed again and wait. remember that night you called me late, and you were crying and you yelled that you couldn’t handle it if i was mad at you too, and you threw the phone on the floor under your bed and as i heard it skittering away i also heard you sobbing, so i hung up and called back and we sat there crying together for half an hour because everything sucked and nothing was ever going to get better, but we were wrong. remember that night we sat at the bar eating some overpriced unsubstantial appetizer and you were drinking and i was not and i was watching the fish glide in and out of a wall of bubbles and you said, ‘i love you, you know’, and i told you to shut up. remember that night we were driving down the highway and you shoved your hand down my shirt and yelled, ‘yup! they’re pierced!’ and i almost drove off the road when you grabbed my hand and put it in your lap and the next night we sat across from each other in a booth and i looked at everyone in the place but you and you asked, ‘but i’m the good kind of asshole, right?’ and i responded, ‘no, the bad kind.’ remember that night at dinner when she went to the bathroom and you wondered if her ugly shoes reflected badly on you and i called you an asshole and you laughed, but it wasn’t the shoes, it was maybe her creaky voice or the fact she wanted the wings tattooed on her back just like every other girl wants wings tattooed on her back, or the dragon on her leg she made me look at for like half an hour, or how she made me wonder about your taste in girls, even though occasionally i caught a glimpse of something likeable, but mostly i hated how you looked at me when she kissed you, and i looked away. remember that night you told me you loved me and i responded only with ‘fuck’, and i didn’t mean it like that but it scared the hell out of you anyway, so that you’ll still never let me forget it. remember that night you kept cornering me and kissing me and i said no and you said yes and i said no and you said yes and i said no and you said yes and then you got angry and said, ‘you’ll be back’ and i thought, ‘i won’t.’ remember that night you grabbed me and kissed me in my car and then you hopped out quick before i had time to say anything, and you were giggling and grinning and you bent over to knock on the window and wave goodbye as i shifted into drive. remember that night i called you half-asleep from a hotel and you had big plans for the morning, for breakfast and shopping and seeing the sights and you knew exactly what i’d like because you know me like that after so long, and we took photos of each other and you took me to your apartment and weren’t the slightest bit embarrassed about the mess, and when you dropped me off ran your hand up my thigh and i knew it was time to leave so i kissed you on the cheek and jumped out of the car and was gone. xoj.