So, ok!
Today whilst rushing headlong around the lake somewhat reeling and myopic (because hypoglycemia is its very own carnival ride, my friends), I came to a conclusion about why the locals’ spirits take a nosedive this time of year. It’s not even back-to-school or the impending freeze, it’s the festivals. The beginning of summer in Minneapolis is awesome, as I have already thoroughly documented hereabouts. Every weekend, it’s art fairs and charity events and markets and concerts and art car parades. There’s always something to do and people to see. But somehow towards the end of summer, we seem to lose inspiration. And that gives way to two things: The State Fair.Now, the state fair does have things in its favor. It has a fantastic retro ad campaign, which is unfortunately not reflected on its horror of a website. Also, it has excellent people-watching. If you feel the need to gawk en masse, this is what you’ve been waiting for. In the cons column, it’s got farm animals too aware of their impending fate, has-beens at the grandstand, rides that claim a fatality a year, and no food that could remotely be considered healthy. However, since I have been known to be up for just about anything with the slightest amusement factor, I’m down with the fair. I’ll probably go again this year, even though I risk being publicly stockaded for smuggling Tofurky Jurky. Mmm, soy contraband. Also, I have just discovered that the state fair proudly features a beef expo. I myself plan to participate in the ‘Judging Contest’. When it comes to that skill, I am nothing but blue-ribbon material. The Renaissance Festival.
I don’t know. I just don’t know. Maybe it’s a phobia on my part, or maybe I was a serf in a past life. But, christ. I can’t think of a worse idea for a festival. If you’ve been looking for a place to see stringy-haired girls in flowing skirts talking about faeries with their ponytailed dungeons-and-dragons-playing boyfriends gnawing hunks of meat right off the bone, then maybe it’s your scene. Personally, I’d rather suffer a disfiguring illness. I just realized I’ll be very near the site of the Renaissance Festival on the first day of my 60-mile walk. I don’t care if I’m doing 22 miles that day; if I encounter one of those people I’m gonna fight. Jousting, my ass… it’s bare fists or nothin’. Changing the subject completely, I saw the Metallica movie tonight. It was completely awesome, dude. And no, it’s not a movie about Metallica. It’s a documentary about a bunch of rich egomaniacs in therapy. Therefore, it rules. Ima sleep now so’s I can meet ya for breakfast then, k? Right on.
Jenni