Hi there.
So last night I was unburying myself from my pile of paperwork, which included applying for health insurance. I talked to a broker last week about what I wanted: a high-deductible plan that covers some sort of catastrophic eventuality, and an HSA plan, because it’s tax-deductible. I don’t want regular health insurance, because it’s prohibitively expensive, and I won’t get approved anyway. The thing about health insurance, and HMOs in particular, is that it’s all a test which you are predetermined to lose. They advertise all their wonderful features and benefits. They send you brochures and handy reference cards and contact information. The second you actually fall for this and take advantage of their wonderful services, you are doomed for eternity. You’re safe as long as you continue to be an employee of a company that offers group health coverage. The second you’re not, however, you are officially a leper. So I, leper, am filling out this form, and there’s a giant list of yes/no checkboxes. The implication with the checkboxes is that, should you be forced to check one, there is no way you will ever, ever get approved for this insurance, and if by some clerical error you do get approved, you will be paying eight times the quoted monthly rate. So right in the middle of questions like Are you currently dying, or have you previously died, of cancer? and Are you currently suffering, or have you previously suffered, from Hepatitis, Scurvy, AIDS or AIDS-related disorders*, Dandruff, or Dementia?, I find: Have you been to the doctor within the last five (5) years? And I stop. And think. Is there a catch? Is this a trick question? What’s wrong with having been to the doctor? You’re supposed to go to the doctor, right? I’ve been there in the past couple years for my regular physical and girl-checkups, to have my birth control refilled, to have some sports training injuries xrayed and twisted painfully, and to make sure that bump on my neck wasn’t cancer. It’s not. They’re going to deny me insurance for being healthy? I filled out the applications anyway, wrote about 50 checks (even though I’m not approved yet, I still have to pay them, apparently), and mailed it all off. Since I have those cute Chinese New Year’s stamps, I intentionally used the rat ones, in a joke on them that will go entirely unnoticed. Take that, HealthPartners! Then I went to bed, and I thought about it. Basically, how it works is this: I’m going to pay them $85 or so a month in order for them to not pay my medical bills. I’m beginning to realize that someone’s getting the very short end of this stick, and something tells me it’s the leper. Heyyyy.Jenni * Please note they are not allowed to ask if you have HIV. But they can ask if you have AIDS. This confuses me.