So ok.
I haven’t been writing a lot here lately. I’ve been depressed. When I’m feeling that way, I don’t like doing this much. I don’t like people knowing, really. And there are two other big reasons:
I don’t have a diary. This is it. So when I look back through my history, I don’t like remembering the bad times. Perhaps that’s completely juvenile, but it’s true. I like having an awareness that things were bad sometimes and that we all survived. I don’t like reveling in sadness.
The other reason is something I’d never have expected, but here it is – you intimidate me. There are so damn many of you reading on such a regular basis. It freaks me out sometimes. I feel like I’ll let you down in some way. I know that’s fucking weird. Anyway. To deal with that, I’ve had to remind myself of my focus: this is my journal. It’s that simple.
I’d make a really shitty contestant on a reality show, obviously.
So I’m working on a lot of things and I know that everything that happens is to help us learn and improve.
Today, in the very few minutes the sun came out, I took a bunch of pictures of stuff that I like a lot in my little home. I’ll intersperse some notes just to force you to keep scrolling through the too-big photos.
New pictures and ivy. The one corner of my apartment that doesn’t get much sun needed a plant, too. It took me like 2 hours to pick out a pot for it. You may be surprised to find out I’m really picky. Ha.
I’ve had three people ask recently if the giant pocketknife works. It does! I mean, in the sense it opens and closes, not that I’ve been able to use it to hold up a 7-11.
I’m taking a tarot class. It’s really hysterical. I mean, I’m interested in it in a wary way (I didn’t used to believe in ghosts or astrology until I saw them in action, either), but I think it’ll be pretty awesome. Our teacher is a professional psychic. Whenever she says she can’t remember or doesn’t know something, I think, ‘she’s a PSYCHIC!’ Also, I sit there wondering if she can sense the fact I think she’s a little whacked, but I still like her a ton. I hope she focuses on the last part.
I got this print a long time ago and haven’t put it up because I don’t have a frame. Then I realized that white panel on the back of my door was a good enough frame as any.
I love this. It’s very Russian-Constructivist. I wrote so many papers on that topic in school.
IAIDO: THE ART OF THE SWORD. Starts Tuesday. I’m starting meditation at this mindfulness center later in May. I picked it because they have a Sanskrit class. Oh, I liked their meditation classes too. Right.
My new windowboxes. It’s still too cold at night to put them out. I planted morning glories in there, too, so hopefully those will go vining all over the building and make the neighbors happy.
I was very flattered to be interviewed by a New York Times journalist for his new book. The thing I like is it’s not a book about the web. Proof that the internet has extended into regular daily life.
The bulbs are done, so this has been reborn as an herb planter. I probably won’t use the herbs so much as I like how they look.
Scotty and I found the perfect dining room set for me and now I can’t stop thinking about it. However, I will wait til other things are taken care of.
I got real, living orchids. I hope I can water them correctly.
The flames sweater should be done today. Pictures forthcoming. It’s my best work yet.
Not long til this place is a jungle.
I’m sorry I haven’t been emailing. You’ll hear from me soon.
My house sold.
Happy May Day, workers of the world.
Jenni
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