I was happily oversleeping this morning when my cats all sprung off the bed and went running for a buzzing noise at the door. It took me forever to realize it was my little door buzzer, which nobody ever uses, because normal people KNOCK. I considered not answering, because why was someone in my building without me letting them in, anyway?
It was a cop. A HUGE one that blocked the sun, or would have if the sun was suspended in my hallway instead of the sky. He didn’t talk, he yelled.
cop: PLINKO?????????
me: Um, yeah?
cop: PLINKO????????? DOES SOMEONE HERE OWN A CAR WITH PLINKO??????????
me: That’s my car.
cop: YOUR CAR IS BLOCKING THE DRIVEWAY AT THE END OF THE BLOCK AND IF YOU DON’T MOVE IT RIGHT NOW IT’S GOING TO BE TOWED!!!!!!!!!
me: It is???
cop: YOUR CAR NEEDS TO BE MOVED RIGHT THIS MINUTE OR IT’S GOING TO BE TOWED!!!!!!!!!!
me: Ok, just lemme get my glasses and, um, pants. And I’ll be down.
I went out with my coat on over just a bra, khaki pants I scrounged from the reject pile, barefoot in sneakers, and with my old glasses on that almost nobody is lucky enough to get to see me in, and for good reason. Not to mention my hair, which even when styled, is more than a little bit crazy. Two neighbors were standing in the hall, including the manager-girl with the Snoop-level-pot-smoking-boyfriend across the hall. She said, ‘I can’t believe I don’t have your home number! I have to get your number!’ She seemed to want me to stop and give it to her right then, even though I was half-naked in my winter coat and a behemoth policeman was, at that very moment, hefting my vehicle on his mighty shoulders, crumpling it in a ball, and rolling it down 36th Street like a giant Swedish bowling ball.
I burst out the front door and there was SNOW. Lots of it. I took off down the street, hoping to keep myself off the ground enough to not have my Vans packed with snow, and also to make a good show of effort for the enormous cop, lest he toss me, too. I got to my driveway-blocking vehicle, and his copmate was busy brushing snow off Chico. They had cleared all the windows for me and everything. He said, ‘We just had to do the same thing yesterday. The driveway was snowed in and you can’t see it.’ Yeah, I was kind of wondering how I missed that on a street I’ve been parking on daily for over a year.
They told me to move my car forward 10′ and I’d be fine. As I hopped in Chico and closed the door, I heard the Copmonster yelling, TODAY YOU SUCCESSFULLY AVOIDED A TICKET AND A TOW!!!!
After he was moved, I jumped back out and told them I appreciated them coming to get me. Then I sprinted back to my building again and successfully avoided giving my number to the girl across the hall, which I should probably do sometime in case my cats burn the building down while I’m away.
The Minneapolis Police (with the help of their unfriendly giant) cleared my car off for me this morning, dudes. SCORE!!!
Jenni