Reason #568 my friends rule: me: know what’s awesome?wendy: everything? I used to feel bad for perpetually unhappy people, but having spent much time amongst a very positive, upbeat crowd (people who suffer the same setbacks and problems as everyone else on earth, just deal with them differently), I now just find dissatisfaction frustrating. That’s because having the best life ...

Dear Humanity, I would very much like to rejoin you now. Remember last week, when I said I had emphysema? It was actually the plague. My lungs got worse, and Thursday I woke up with a sharp stabbing in the side of my head, so I knew it was time to visit the doctor. I think the ear infection is ...

HEY GUESS WHAT? It’s that time again. Remember these from last year? They were fantastic. Please support boobs and get yourself and your loved ones some really good chocolate, too. Click to order! In other news, I have returned from Las Vegas. You know what happened in Las Vegas? I got emphysema. Seriously! It’ll be a miracle if I don’t ...

Oh hey, I suppose I should update so you fark peoples have somethin’ to see. (If it’s many more 404s you seek, you can find them at 404lab! I just added about 50 more last week.) I would like to give you a rundown of the days in recent memory, but DUDES WE ARE GOING TO VEGAS IN SEVEN HOURS. ...