Dear hipsters, let’s talk. First of all, the thing with PBR is that it sucks ass. It always has. And while people may have thought you were ironically cool for drinking it for 5 years ago, now you just look like your bar budget was five bucks: two shitty beers and a tip, and not even a buzz to show ...

Dudes, I discovered last night while unpacking that I have an impressively substantial collection of Mardi Gras beads, acquired at festivals and sporting events across this great land. I’m going to have my own float in the parade next year. Also, I just noticed that I paid my car payment twice last month. I transferred the money to the loan, ...

DUDES HEY Here’s the thing. I got sick Friday, and decided I needed to fix it by the time we left town tonight. So I did a LOT of penance, staying in for three nights in a row. I’m pretty sure that’s a new personal record, and I’m worried I have contracted hermit. The Sickness, it should recognize this achievement, ...

I’m all about public services. At least three times a week, someone tries to run me over on my way to or from work. While I understand that these reckless drivers are trying to run everyone over, not just me, it’s still hard to not take it personally. I like me the way I am, which is to say: alive. ...