Dear Humanity, I would very much like to rejoin you now. Remember last week, when I said I had emphysema? It was actually the plague. My lungs got worse, and Thursday I woke up with a sharp stabbing in the side of my head, so I knew it was time to visit the doctor. I think the ear infection is ...

HEY GUESS WHAT? It’s that time again. Remember these from last year? They were fantastic. Please support boobs and get yourself and your loved ones some really good chocolate, too. Click to order! In other news, I have returned from Las Vegas. You know what happened in Las Vegas? I got emphysema. Seriously! It’ll be a miracle if I don’t ...

Oh hey, I suppose I should update so you fark peoples have somethin’ to see. (If it’s many more 404s you seek, you can find them at 404lab! I just added about 50 more last week.) I would like to give you a rundown of the days in recent memory, but DUDES WE ARE GOING TO VEGAS IN SEVEN HOURS. ...

You know what happens when I don’t update in a very long time? BULLETS!!! Last Dienstag evening, I had the haircutting, during which Mahogany convinced me to let her dye my hair the perfect shade of near-orange the next time I visit, and then knitting, with the room-sized vibrator, and then Town Talk, where we were welcomed back with open ...