Dear Starbucks,<\/p>\n
People make fun of you. They say you’re substandard, the McDonald’s of coffee. Or the Wal-Mart, more accurately. I don’t care. I like you anyway.<\/p>\n
See, when I go to Starbucks, whether I’m at home or on the road, I know exactly what I’m getting. The coffee always tastes the same. The baristas are uniformly snotty. I get the same disapproving eye-roll every time I order (grande, skim, sugar-free latte, which I’ve been told is referred to as the ‘Don’t Bother’ by your ever-witty staff). It’s comforting in a way. Consistency is good.<\/p>\n
Don’t listen to the critics, Starbucks. Keep up the mediocre work.<\/p>\n
Love,
\nJenni<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Starbucks, People make fun of you. They say you’re substandard, the McDonald’s of coffee. Or the Wal-Mart, more accurately. I don’t care. I like you anyway. See, when I go to Starbucks, whether I’m at home or on the road, I know exactly what I’m getting. The coffee always tastes the same. The baristas …read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-796","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-list"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/po9qt-cQ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/796","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=796"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/796\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=796"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=796"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=796"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}