{"id":783,"date":"2002-10-09T23:00:00","date_gmt":"2002-10-10T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatemussolini.com\/cm\/default.asp?n=25"},"modified":"2008-12-19T14:58:42","modified_gmt":"2008-12-19T20:58:42","slug":"the-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/?p=783","title":{"rendered":"The Man"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Peter Jennings,<\/p>\n

There are two girls in Minneapolis whose only goal is to make you happy.<\/p>\n

plinkotastic<\/strong>: peter jennings<\/a>
\nmor602<\/strong>: i love him
\nmor602<\/strong>: i fucking LOVE him
\nmor602<\/strong>: physically and emotionally
\nmor602<\/strong>: no he isnt sexier than you
\nmor602<\/strong>: but let me tell you something
\nmor602<\/strong>: i would fry up a piece of fish for peter jennings
\nmor602<\/strong>: i would harvest a crop for peter jennings
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i would hover in the no-fly zone for peter jennings
\nmor602<\/strong>: i would run a large scale cigar import company
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i would betray your confidence for peter jennings
\nmor602<\/strong>: i would create a whole product line on and about convention booth needs
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i would pay the impound fees for peter jennings’ car
\nmor602<\/strong>: i would relandscape his curbside area
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i would bring him hot tea with honey and a cold compress when he was feeling a little under the weather
\nmor602<\/strong>: i would iron his speedo with starch
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i would drive my car 6 miles under the speed limit for him
\nmor602<\/strong>: i would feed his horse
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i would paint him up like old glory and watch him flutter in the breeze
\nmor602<\/strong>: i’d fill his pellet dispenser and open the gates to his pen
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i would steam-clean his ego and hang it up to dry naturally
\nmor602<\/strong>: i’d wind his watch
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i would dress him up in spangles and parade him around town
\nmor602<\/strong>: i’d buy him a pony
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i’d blow chef boyardee while he watched
\nmor602<\/strong>: i’d throw a discus at the skulls of his enemies
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i’d write his name on an old gum wrapper and float it down the sewer drain
\nmor602<\/strong>: i’d pull up my pants extra high for him
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i’d snap his suspenders but good
\nmor602<\/strong>: i’d change his filters
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i’d instruct him in the intricacies of deli meats
\nmor602<\/strong>: i’d fill his mouth with the souls of a million angels
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i’d lighten his load
\nmor602<\/strong>: i’d shave his corns
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i’d get drunk on his words and vomit on his pant leg
\nmor602<\/strong>: i’d drain his toilet and refill it with fruit punch
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i’d identify his remains using only his dental records
\nmor602<\/strong>: i’d bread him and fry him up
\nplinkotastic<\/strong>: i’d adopt him and move to arkansas to get married<\/div>\n

Longingly,
\nJenni<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Peter Jennings, There are two girls in Minneapolis whose only goal is to make you happy. plinkotastic: peter jennings mor602: i love him mor602: i fucking LOVE him mor602: physically and emotionally mor602: no he isnt sexier than you mor602: but let me tell you something mor602: i would fry up a piece of …read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[31],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-783","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-letters"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/po9qt-cD","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/783","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=783"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/783\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=783"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=783"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=783"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}