To the DNR:<\/p>\n
Friday morning, I was out walking around Lake Harriet. I heard splashing at the edge of the water, and assumed it was the ducks. I kept hearing it the whole way, but didn’t pay much attention, because I was too occupied with the mental list I was busy compiling, titled “Reasons I’m Walking Right Now Instead of Running, Other Than the Fact That I’m Lazy”:<\/p>\nAnyway, I got up to the harbor by the pavilion, and noticed that there were way more people fishing than usual. As I passed a couple of them, one said to the other, “There, are you happy with yourself now? You caught some seaweed.” I laughed. Then I noticed the fish. Tons<\/i> of them. They were crowded along the edge of the lake, jumping and splashing. And they were big fish, too, the ones I see on your informational sign I walk past and ignore every single day: muskies.<\/p>\n
I kept walking, and kept hearing the splashing. But this time I was paying attention, so I managed to see the fish. Every few seconds, another big muskie would come leaping out of the water near the shore, twist on its side, and splash down just like a breaching whale. It was surreal. At first, I thought I was witnessing some horrific natural tragedy, in which something had driven them mad, causing them to beach themselves on the shores of Lake Harriet. I imagined the resulting dead-fish smell, and considered maybe sticking to Lake Calhoun for the next couple of weeks. But then I realized what was going on. In the words of one of the runners who had stopped to gawk: Dude, those fish are so totally screwing.<\/p>\nI figured I would write to let you know about what was going on in your lakes: fish porn. Shouldn’t you put up a sign warning parents or something?<\/p>\nThanks for your attention.To the DNR: Friday morning, I was out walking around Lake Harriet. I heard splashing at the edge of the water, and assumed it was the ducks. I kept hearing it the whole way, but didn’t pay much attention, because I was too occupied with the mental list I was busy compiling, titled “Reasons I’m …read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-742","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/po9qt-bY","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/742","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=742"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/742\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=742"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=742"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=742"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}