{"id":740,"date":"2003-06-23T23:00:00","date_gmt":"2003-06-24T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatemussolini.com\/cm\/default.asp?n=68"},"modified":"2003-06-23T23:00:00","modified_gmt":"2003-06-24T06:00:00","slug":"the-worst-case-team","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/?p=740","title":{"rendered":"The Worst-Case Team"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Mom:<\/p>\n

Don’t bother worrying about me on this trip<\/a>. I have friends to do it for me.<\/p>\n

\n

Alex:<\/i>
don’t be gone long.
I’m gonna be worried.<\/p>\n

Me:<\/i>
what are you worried about??<\/p>\n

Alex:<\/i>
that you’ll get hurt
that you’ll be in accident all alone
that a cougar will eat you
that you’ll run into a serial killer
that you’ll be brainwashed by a cult and reappear 7 months later robbing a bank
that you’ll be stuck in a flash flood and be washed out to sea
that wild birds will peck at you
that your internet friends will turn out to part of an organ smuggling ring and just want you for your kidneys
that you will stare up at an eclipse and your corneas will burn off
that for whatever reason you won’t come back<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Love,
Jenni<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Mom: Don’t bother worrying about me on this trip. I have friends to do it for me. Alex:don’t be gone long.I’m gonna be worried. Me:what are you worried about?? Alex:that you’ll get hurtthat you’ll be in accident all alonethat a cougar will eat youthat you’ll run into a serial killerthat you’ll be brainwashed by …read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-740","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/po9qt-bW","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/740","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=740"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/740\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=740"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=740"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=740"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}