{"id":620,"date":"2004-02-17T23:00:00","date_gmt":"2004-02-18T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatemussolini.com\/cm\/default.asp?n=188"},"modified":"2004-02-17T23:00:00","modified_gmt":"2004-02-18T06:00:00","slug":"hormones-explained","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/?p=620","title":{"rendered":"Hormones, explained."},"content":{"rendered":"

OK!<\/p>\n

I take a lot of shit for my paranoid fears. I think I’ve mentioned here before that now that fear #1 has come to pass (losing my job), the second on the list had taken its place: getting pregnant.<\/p>\n

See, I had this theory that I was so damn fertile that the laws of physics and birth control were exempted around me. Today, the people at the clinic told me I’m right. I am unusually fertile<\/i>. So, ha. I’m not so crazy after all. Other people get the flu, I get babies.<\/p>\n

This also confirms what I have just begun to realize the extent of regarding my six-month personality swap with the dark lord of the underworld. I switched from my low-dose birth control pill I’d been taking for years in May, when I lost my job and my insurance. Planned Parenthood gave me the patch, which releases more hormones, on a par with the normal pill. And my body became very angry with me.<\/p>\n

I became hateful and evil and paranoid and bitter. I was unmotivated and unhappy and frustrated. I stopped losing weight, even though I was taking in as few calories as a human being should to, you know, stay alive. I thought I was a horrible person for having so much trouble being at work. I thought I had gotten lazy. I was reading evil intentions into other people’s actions and words, and picking fights constantly. I can’t believe I didn’t lose friends over it. <\/p>\n

When I got insurance again and went back on the pill, all of those things magically went away. I realized I like my job. I like my friends; in fact, I like them even more, considering what they had to put up with. It’s been six weeks, and I’ve lost five pounds without trying very hard. Yeah, I still get angry, but there’s relief in knowing it’s actually me getting angry, and not this irrational urge to hate everything.<\/p>\n

So, yeah. All men must maintain a distance of at least six feet. I don’t want none of your stinkin’ babies.<\/p>\n

Oh, except you<\/i>. In your case, I’ll make an exception.<\/p>\n

The other thing I learned at the clinic today is that people dig knitters. I hardly got any work done on my felted bag, due to the fact that forty or fifty people wanted to talk all about it. Awesome.<\/p>\n

Jenni<\/p>\n

P.S. You can stop your surfing now, because I have located the best site on the internet<\/a>. Ever.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

OK! I take a lot of shit for my paranoid fears. I think I’ve mentioned here before that now that fear #1 has come to pass (losing my job), the second on the list had taken its place: getting pregnant. See, I had this theory that I was so damn fertile that the laws of …read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-620","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/po9qt-a0","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/620","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=620"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/620\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=620"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=620"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=620"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}