{"id":426,"date":"2005-04-30T23:00:00","date_gmt":"2005-05-01T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatemussolini.com\/cm\/default.asp?n=381"},"modified":"2005-04-30T23:00:00","modified_gmt":"2005-05-01T06:00:00","slug":"but-upside-down-hes-perfectly-balanced","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/?p=426","title":{"rendered":"but upside down he’s perfectly balanced."},"content":{"rendered":"

So ok.<\/p>\n

I haven’t been writing a lot here lately. I’ve been depressed. When I’m feeling that way, I don’t like doing this much. I don’t like people knowing, really. And there are two other big reasons:<\/p>\n

I don’t have a diary. This is it. So when I look back through my history, I don’t like remembering the bad times. Perhaps that’s completely juvenile, but it’s true. I like having an awareness that things were bad sometimes and that we all survived. I don’t like reveling in sadness.<\/p>\n

The other reason is something I’d never have expected, but here it is – you intimidate me. There are so damn many of you reading on such a regular basis. It freaks me out sometimes. I feel like I’ll let you down in some way. I know that’s fucking weird. Anyway. To deal with that, I’ve had to remind myself of my focus: this is my journal. It’s that simple.<\/p>\n

I’d make a really shitty contestant on a reality show, obviously.<\/p>\n

So I’m working on a lot of things and I know that everything that happens is to help us learn and improve.<\/p>\n

Today, in the very few minutes the sun came out, I took a bunch of pictures of stuff that I like a lot in my little home. I’ll intersperse some notes just to force you to keep scrolling through the too-big photos.<\/p>\n

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New pictures and ivy. The one corner of my apartment that doesn’t get much sun needed a plant, too. It took me like 2 hours to pick out a pot for it. You may be surprised to find out I’m really picky. Ha.<\/p>\n

I’ve had three people ask recently if the giant pocketknife works. It does! I mean, in the sense it opens and closes, not that I’ve been able to use it to hold up a 7-11.<\/i><\/p>\n

I’m taking a tarot class. It’s really hysterical. I mean, I’m interested in it in a wary way (I didn’t used to believe in ghosts or astrology until I saw them in action, either), but I think it’ll be pretty awesome. Our teacher is a professional psychic. Whenever she says she can’t remember or doesn’t know something, I think, ‘she’s a PSYCHIC!’ Also, I sit there wondering if she can sense the fact I think she’s a little whacked, but I still like her a ton. I hope she focuses on the last part.<\/p>\n

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I got this print a long time ago and haven’t put it up because I don’t have a frame. Then I realized that white panel on the back of my door was a good enough frame as any.<\/p>\n

I love this. It’s very Russian-Constructivist. I wrote so many papers on that topic in school.<\/i><\/p>\n

IAIDO: THE ART OF THE SWORD. Starts Tuesday. I’m starting meditation at this mindfulness center later in May. I picked it because they have a Sanskrit class. Oh, I liked their meditation classes too. Right.<\/p>\n

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My new windowboxes. It’s still too cold at night to put them out. I planted morning glories in there, too, so hopefully those will go vining all over the building and make the neighbors happy.<\/i><\/p>\n

I was very flattered to be interviewed by a New York Times journalist for his new book. The thing I like is it’s not a book about the web. Proof that the internet has extended into regular daily life.<\/p>\n

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<\/div>\n

The bulbs are done, so this has been reborn as an herb planter. I probably won’t use the herbs so much as I like how they look.<\/i><\/p>\n

Scotty and I found the perfect dining room set for me and now I can’t stop thinking about it. However, I will wait til other things are taken care of.<\/p>\n

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I got real, living orchids. I hope I can water them correctly.<\/i><\/p>\n

The flames sweater should be done today. Pictures forthcoming. It’s my best work yet.<\/p>\n

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Not long til this place is a jungle.<\/i><\/p>\n

I’m sorry I haven’t been emailing. You’ll hear from me soon.<\/p>\n

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My house sold.<\/p>\n

Happy May Day, workers of the world.
Jenni<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So ok. I haven’t been writing a lot here lately. I’ve been depressed. When I’m feeling that way, I don’t like doing this much. I don’t like people knowing, really. And there are two other big reasons: I don’t have a diary. This is it. So when I look back through my history, I don’t …read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-426","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/po9qt-6S","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/426","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=426"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/426\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=426"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=426"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=426"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}