{"id":421,"date":"2005-05-30T23:00:00","date_gmt":"2005-05-31T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatemussolini.com\/cm\/default.asp?n=386"},"modified":"2005-05-30T23:00:00","modified_gmt":"2005-05-31T06:00:00","slug":"loonie-eh","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/?p=421","title":{"rendered":"loonie, eh."},"content":{"rendered":"<p><b>My Visit to Canadia: A Play in One Act.<\/b><br \/>by Jenni Ripley<\/p>\n<p \/><b>CAST<\/b><br \/>JENNI, <i>the wandering protagonist<\/i><br \/>STEPHANIE, <i>jenni&#8217;s sister<\/i><br \/>MR. FANTASTIC, <i>roaming street-performer, with a name i just totally made up<\/i><\/p>\n<p \/><i>[SCENE: 8am Saturday morning, on a streetcorner in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.JENNI exits the front doors of The Bay department store, carrying a plastic bag holding bananas and hairspray. Digging in her purse, she misses the step and twists her ankle badly.]<\/i><\/p>\n<p \/>JENNI:<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[Grimacing]<\/i> Oh fuck.<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[Hops about on one foot for a moment, then sits down on the step in front of the store, holding her left foot in the air.]<\/i><\/p>\n<p \/>MR. FANTASTIC:<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[Rounds the corner and sees JENNI on the step. Puts guitar case on the ground and removes a beat-up acoustic guitar. Leaves case open for coins.]<\/i><\/p>\n<p \/>Hey, I&#8217;ve got a song just for you.<\/p>\n<p \/>JENNI:<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[Smiles and looks away quickly, knowing that eye contact is just encouragement. Digs frantically through purse, and locates cellphone. She dials STEPHANIE&#8217;S number.]<\/i><\/p>\n<p \/>Hi. I&#8217;m calling you because I just hurt myself and I&#8217;m trying not to cry in public.<\/p>\n<p \/>MR. FANTASTIC:<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[From the right, singing]<\/i> I GOT A BLACK MAGIC WOMAN!!! I GOT A BLACK MAGIC WOMAN!!!!!<\/p>\n<p \/>JENNI:<\/p>\n<p \/>I think I sprained my ankle. I&#8217;m sitting on the street in front of Hudson&#8217;s Bay Trading Company. I don&#8217;t know if I can walk yet.<\/p>\n<p \/>STEPHANIE:<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[On phone]<\/i> I have to get dressed, then I can get the car and come get you. How far away are you?<\/p>\n<p \/>MR. FANTASTIC:<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[Moving to stand directly in front of JENNI, beginning verse two with a wink and flourish]<\/i> DO-DO-DO-DO-DON&#8217;T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME, BABY! DON&#8217;T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME, BABYYYYYYY!!!!!!<\/p>\n<p \/>JENNI:<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[Faking a laugh for MR. FANTASTIC, who is trying so very hard]<\/i><\/p>\n<p \/>I&#8217;m right across the street. I&#8217;m looking at the hotel. I think I&#8217;ll try to walk back.<\/p>\n<p \/>STEPHANIE:<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[On phone]<\/i> You should at least sit there for a while before you try to walk. Don&#8217;t hurt it worse.<\/p>\n<p \/>MR. FANTASTIC:<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[Moving closer, slowing dramatically]<\/i><\/p>\n<p \/>YOU GOT YOUR SPELLLLLL ON ME, BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!<\/p>\n<p \/>JENNI:<\/p>\n<p \/>Yeah, I&#8217;m gonna walk back now.<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[Standing up feebly, she gathers her purse and shopping bag. MR. FANTASTIC finishes his song quickly, and holds out his hand to her. She shakes it quickly and pulls away.]<\/i><\/p>\n<p \/>Thanks for the song!<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[JENNI stumbles over to his guitar case and tosses in a loonie.]<\/i><\/p>\n<p \/>MR. FANTASTIC:<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[As JENNI hobbles away as fast as she&#8217;s able]<\/i> You&#8217;re a beautiful woman!<\/p>\n<p \/>Hey, wait, baby!<\/p>\n<p \/>I sell CDs too!<\/p>\n<p \/><i>[(Curtain)]<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My Visit to Canadia: A Play in One Act.by Jenni Ripley CASTJENNI, the wandering protagonistSTEPHANIE, jenni&#8217;s sisterMR. FANTASTIC, roaming street-performer, with a name i just totally made up [SCENE: 8am Saturday morning, on a streetcorner in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.JENNI exits the front doors of The Bay department store, carrying a plastic bag holding bananas and &#8230;<a class=\"post-readmore\" href=\"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/?p=421\">read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-421","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/po9qt-6N","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/421","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=421"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/421\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=421"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=421"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=421"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}