{"id":220,"date":"2007-03-13T23:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-03-14T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatemussolini.com\/cm\/default.asp?n=587"},"modified":"2007-03-13T23:00:00","modified_gmt":"2007-03-14T06:00:00","slug":"canast-y","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/?p=220","title":{"rendered":"canast-y"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>My hair deserves a certificate of achievement today.<\/p>\n<p \/>DUDES HERE&#8217;S THE DEAL: I had PMS yesterday. I slammed my thumb in my desk drawer and almost started crying, and that almost-crying continued for three hours thereafter. In the interim, I renovated my closet.<\/p>\n<p \/>It began as packing; I discovered I have probably 47 pairs of capris and an equal number of tshirts with obscure quotes on them, not to mention 12 more pairs of flipflops than I estimated. I&#8217;m pretty much set for the cruise. Since I was in there, I decided to expand my closet-delving efforts into adding to the donation pile, which is threatening to take over my bedroom.<\/p>\n<p \/>You&#8217;d think that PMS would be a terrible time to be sorting-through and trying-on clothes, but it&#8217;s actually perfect. One becomes ruthlessly nonsentimental. It&#8217;s also kind of freeing to get rid of a pair of pants you hated for not being a size 8 when you were at your thinnest and not-coincidentally most self-hating time. I ended up with two more trash bags full of clothes, and a hell of a lot more closet space.<\/p>\n<p \/>Anyway, I&#8217;m very glad I skipped <strike>fighting<\/strike>knitting last night. For one, because it would&#8217;ve probably turned into the non-struckthrough version of the same, and also because there were only two things in the entire universe that could&#8217;ve possibly gotten me to exit my domicile once I removed my pants:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>a fire AND a tornado AND a giant centipede infestation, all at the same time.<\/li>\n<li>a personal escort from the entire Gopher hockey team.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p \/>Prior to the pants-removal, I stopped at the vet to pick up Optimus Prime&#8217;s meds (my cats have all been renamed at this point; the others are Number Two and Larry). The office recently moved next door to its old location in St Louis Park, and I see why my bill is 3.2 billion dollars every single time I visit: it&#8217;s gorgeous now. I&#8217;ve seen less-fancy ultralounges in Vegas. There&#8217;s a wall of pristine white &#8216;cat condos&#8217;, Asian-inspired wooden benches, pedestals topped with fluffy beds, and a flatscreen TV set into the wall in the lobby, playing <i>videos for cats<\/i>, starring fluttering birds and many varieties of tiny rodents. It&#8217;s like the vet decided to validate every crazy cat lady&#8217;s fantasy; it&#8217;s fascinating and terrifying at the same time.<\/p>\n<p \/>Anyway, I was going to write more about Monday and my plans for tonight (to sit on the couch with Matt, which will be rare and glorious; perhaps we will even find a good reason to <a href='http:\/\/www.warrenellis.com\/?p=3916' target='x'>celebrate<\/a>), but since I&#8217;m here late today, I&#8217;m going to go spend my lunch-hour at Target. Hot.<\/p>\n<p \/>Not to rub it in or anything, but in exactly two weeks from this moment, I&#8217;ll be snorkeling in St Thomas. AWESOME.<\/p>\n<p \/>Jenni<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My hair deserves a certificate of achievement today. DUDES HERE&#8217;S THE DEAL: I had PMS yesterday. I slammed my thumb in my desk drawer and almost started crying, and that almost-crying continued for three hours thereafter. In the interim, I renovated my closet. It began as packing; I discovered I have probably 47 pairs of &#8230;<a class=\"post-readmore\" href=\"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/?p=220\">read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-220","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/po9qt-3y","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/220","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=220"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/220\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=220"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=220"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/queenofsubtle.com\/cm\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=220"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}